He said he'd never hurt me
I am the light of his life
The reason he wakes up in the morning
What he dreams of falling asleep at night

He introduced me to the devil
The one that put a noose around his neck
He tied the knot for mine
And we danced until we all fell dead

Grateful to be a part of the destruction he kept only to himself
I felt blessed
Given a way to cope with reality in a time where I was too vulnerable to stand on my own
I thanked him

veins full of synthetic sunshine
you tied your tourniquet to hell  
where light folds within itself
mutating into a room of padded white

reality more numb than my hands when i heard about the relapse
your soul now floats in the land of discarded stamp bags

when eyes grow back from self imposed blindness
i hope you read my text asking “who are you”
you are a parasite infecting the host that gave them warmth
lulled me to think you needed a shoulder to rest on
instead you wanted one to bite into

at night my palms still search for yours
my body curls up in a question mark
waiting for a ghost to wrap their arms around me  
while fingers grip steering wheels driving to the next fix

my heart quivers thinking of sunrises and moon light
the universe collapsing and earth swallowing us whole
the bag that finally takes your breath away

your mind only wanders to the one lady that never let you down
she kept you high as the heavens without ever growing wings
i wanted to be your heroine but all you wanted was ******
in sickness and in nod i join thee in holy matrimony

Distorted self loathe falls drop by drop,  
submerging vibrant kaleidoscopes engraved in eye sockets hollow.
Blinded, beautiful fractals dissolve into the bittersweet horizon
And I stand screaming to the past, future and present, “I am not ready”.

Rose coloured glasses have long since enlightened
the thin pale flesh that delicately stretches across my decaying framework.
I traded my adolescence for an apple of darkness not foreshadowing who would consume who.

My mind is accustomed to disorder, insanity being a childhood friend.
It has stood in the background of birthday photos, desperate for attention and my own self destruction.  
It will never let me go, as I to it for we are in love.

Each year it urges the suggestion that
I am worthless , I am a burden, I am a failure.
Entropy tears apart intricate neural pathways,
manipulating the very thread that barely stitched me together.

It has taken many names,
cowardly hiding behind toxic masks.
Disguised as my mother, a box cutter, a diet that got out of hand
Always convincing me I am not good enough.