I knew
Somehow I knew
That I would love the way you smelled.
I knew that I would love the way you kissed;
Somehow I knew
That night that I first saw you.

I also knew
What I would be getting into
If I let my already broken heart get broken again.

It's faint, but I can still hear you
Telling me that we wouldn't lose this.
Somehow I knew
That it was you that I needed to talk to.

Could you hear me?
When I said that I think you fit?
I am not sure exactly
What you fit into, but you do.

I knew before I knew you.
I am not sure what I know right now.
Diamond eyes and a poisoned mind
I'd like to take your demons from you.

#281

It’s like finding a heart that beats the same as yours

When really it’s the way you smelled when you met

The eyes that you couldn’t tear away from

The hands that looked so soft and easy to hold.

Hearts don’t know the first thing about love

It’s the way our bodies meet and touch

It’s glances at things that most would not notice

It’s brushing of fingertips on soft, bitten lips.

It’s memories that cannot be recreated

No matter how hard you try.

It’s feelings that cannot be described with words

It’s words that cannot be described with actions.

It’s uncontrollable heartbeats and smiles

Pulses and breaths and a little bit of sweat.

It’s almost like you can’t breathe.

So distracted, I’ve forgotten what they call it.


#282

She is the prettiest girl
Nothing would ever change that
It was a new place
And the sun rose above the mountains.
Locals covered the eyes of children
And Christian women cursed;
Something about this girl
Cast a shadow over the world.

Down at the Lakeview Cafe
Where the tips were generous
People caressed their cups
And spoke of that girl.

The clouds hinted snowfall.
"Dead," they say.
"Probably not an accident."
A single snowflake landed.
If it could, her blood would tingle.

She was the prettiest girl.
Nothing could ever change that.

#4

I don't like the words that rhyme with 'throat.'
Mostly because I don't know anything about an oat
I think that a goat probably smells pretty bad
And I would rather swim in the ocean than to be in the boat.
There are more words, I'm sure, that rhyme with 'throat'
The words I want to use, don't.
Simply, I'd like to wrap my fingers around your throat
Hold you down with all the anger you have caused me.
More time passes and I think that I have forgotten how badly you hurt me, inside and out.
I think that I am able to bury or release these thoughts and feelings but I'm not
And some say, maybe it's for a good reason.
Bruises fade, bones heal but emotional scars are the worst.

You are the worst.

Back to your throat, though, I could never sink that low
As beautiful as it may sound, when I clench my fists and grit my teeth, bracing myself for a series of memories that have scarred me forever, I could not waste such energy on you.
I've got my pen and I've got my pad and I've got the words that I use as weapons.
Simply, that's just good enough.

Like a faint whisper,
You flickered away from this world.
My hands tremble
Like miniature earth quakes;
My heartbeat is just a tick slower.
The wetness on my pale cheeks
May dry within the hours to come
But all I can think about
Is the last I saw of your face.
Soft creases lined your eyes
Whisps of the prettiest gray hairs
Hugged the tips of your ears.
You were making him lunch
Like you always do,
Wondering where we kept butter knives.
I can't remember if I told you how much I love you
I don't think I thanked you,
For my accidental Christmas gift.
I will never forget that you were there though,
I hold every memory closer than life itself.
Years gathered on your shoulders.
Time took life from your heart
And you parted with a peaceful last breath.
In my dreams, I talked with you.
I had a chance to say goodbye...
Like a faint whisper,
Your light flickered, then burned out.

#228
(This was read at my grandmother's funeral that I could not attend, unfortunately)

It's that time of year again
the changing season blows my mind
Crisp, morning air cools my soul
I embrace this brand new day.
I is a time such as this
that we think of all the right words
Often, it is far too late
To complete all the right sentences.
Oh, how I wish I could be there.
My thoughts just don't seem like enough.
As inopportune a time it may be,
I love you, I love you, I love you.

You can't see it, but the scenery is amazing.
Snow blankets the tops of the mountains
Tree leaves are orange and gold.
The sky, it's a gorgeous light blue.
This life was just the beginning for you.
I'm sure He has a thousand plans for you.
If I could hold you now, I would.
I pray that you'll fight and make it through
If not, I will see you in another life.
We will walk together forever.

#226

You remind me of the uncomfortable silence you get after it comes to the truth
And you always smell of the lies you produce
I am lost in a labyrinth when I think of you
I am crying because you never told me anything true.

I am sick with excuses and broken promises
Each day I would hope this lie was the last of this
The end of the first broken promise
The end of your unfaithful kiss.

I fell far from the pedestal I had you on
It's been 3 years since you've been gone
And I think of you when they play our song
But here at the end you are still all wrong.

#162