so done.
trying not to let it get to me.
but how can it not?

"wait", i whisper to myself
you have your arms.
you have your legs.
you have a bit of family left and some friends to match.
you're not dying.
you're sheltered.
you're fed.

....why is it so hard to recognize the good?
because the bad is much more overwhelming.

it's helping, but not enough.
i still want to scream.
i still want to cry.

i have manifested every single that that has happened to me.
i've prayed for it, and it's been completely answered...now for me to only slap God a good one in the face by objecting.
what is the matter with me?
God, where do i begin?

i'm lost.
i'm terrified.
i'm alone.

wandering amongst the dead particles of life we call earth.
where do i go?
what do i do?

continue to breathe, i suppose.

i've felt the presence of both the holy, and the extremely
unholy.
i've experienced sorrow of the greatest kind; the kind that hinders the heart and relentlessly leaves you in a river of your own tears.
i've experienced pain, grief, remorse and brutality.
i've experienced love of the grandest quality; the kind of love that leaves you with a belief in
magic.
i've experienced the ecstasy that coincides with feeling another person's touch on your skin.
i've experienced the holy grail of your being and the complete blasphemy of mine.
i've experienced what only i have been able to interpret as greater than this universe.
i've experienced so much in a short while, but that does not discount from it's power.
i've experienced you and me, all in our most naked form.
i've experienced a life that was intended and created for a very specific reason;  a reason that i am connecting to more and more each day.
i've experienced hatred and scorn, but i've also experienced love and praise.
i've experienced more than sometimes i feel i should, but one day the answers will unveil themselves to me.
i've experienced all that i have and all that i know, and while i know that there's a long way to go, i have experienced what i believe was meant for me.
and i'm certainly more than fine with
that.

please have a lovely day
do not let worry or stress get in the way
do not forget to take today as a gift
and if you need a little something of a lift
think of everything that makes you smile
because tears dry up so fast, they can't stay more than awhile
and there's no reason to be afraid
we're luckier than most, we've been given another day
free of charge and completely our own
the Earth is so delighted to be our home
to house us and give us energy and life
don't let that stupid person holding the knife
keep it in your back and tug you around
sad people are one's who relish on a frown
but do not give them permission to cause you anything less
because let me tell you, you do deserve the best
to jump and to
                feel like you can
                                        FLY!
to be happier today
                than you were yesterday
                                         because you are
                                                       ALIVE!

you'll sing it in a song for the world
but you won't bother to call
or txt
or write
or anything.
yeah, you sing it for the world
and let them relish your words
give them notes to step to
while my feelings are on the ground
actions. actions. actions.
never meant so much before this moment
it's hard, so hard to not believe you
because i do.
but it's harder to listen to the words you're singing
for everyone in the world
you can tell them how you feel
put it in a beautiful song that you struggle through
but you cannot give it to me
go, sing your new song
and while you do
know it hurts even worse to hear it
from the other side
the same side you left me on
the day you walked away

That's all.