Hey. Don’t fall asleep.
hahaha

*hahahah
I won’t
If I end up falling asleep, it would be with you.

How about him,
on the other end of the world
while I,
on the other side of the world

lay on my back.
The sound of the rain crushing the roof
blending with the music he plays
which traverses in my headset.

You wanna know the best thing about us? It's the world we own. We never shared it to the crowd. Or to anyone. Inside, it's just you and me and uneven breath between us.

And it has always been enough.

Come here
and lay with me
I will show you
the narratives of the dragons
of the horns and the tails
and the tide that will rise above
the corruption of all heavens.

Girl,
Angels do not have wings
Demons do not have tails
What they told us
Are plain *******.

We,
otherworldly creatures,
Are larger than the streets we've roamed
Are greater than the books we've read
Are deeper than the oceans we've swallowed

Are longer than the nights we've sojourned
Are scarier than the monsters in our head
Are vaster than all stories
and possibilities
and gloriousness combined.

So tell me, girl,
who needs wings and tails
and a god that fails
When we're grander
Than life itself?

And as I ceased walking
in the university of resurrected moonlights,
I looked at your bare feet
traversing the stars

towards me.

Did you miss me?*

I always miss you, my love.
Like a piece of paper folded in half,
and torn through the middle...
yes,
it could still function,

but is not whole.

And these complements
I wonder if you have already said
the same thing before.

I wonder who those people were.
I wonder how many times you have given them.
I wonder if they believed you.
I wonder how they have responded.
And I wonder how you have reacted.

I wonder what could have been.

You said
how those words have traveled
from person
to person
to person
is no longer relevant

as they pertain to me now
and to us.

But I think it is important,
the history and composition of those words.
The old names attached to them,
and the old songs
and the old memories
of the person long gone.

And how they have been passed,
received,
given away,
taken back,
and given again.

Most of the time,
these thoughts keep me awake at night.

I would contain it in a bottle
with dead leaves
to remind you
that some time in the past

we're breathing,
inhaling each other's gasps.
That before withering,
we have lived everything we could.

Stay there,
your breath pressed on the base of my neck,
just above my shoulder.

And I ask you to linger, butterfly,
as I catch some air
and chase the storm.

There’s a thunder inside your chest, Nick.
I can feel the echoes,
as my palm pressed on your shirt.

Why do you have to fall
and break your self
on the cold, cold
pavement?

How does the sound of the guitar strums,
travelling down your headphone chord
from the other end of the world
sounds like?

While, at almost four in the morning,
you pressed your back on the wall
constructed on the other end
of this big, wide world.

You said
you are interested in films.
And I happen to know
a certain director.

I introduced him to you
hoping to make you happy.
But to my surprise,
your interest shifted.

Not long after
you ran away with the director.
And left me,
under the tree,

waiting for you,
with flowers trembling in my hands.

Give me this feeling of elation
And I will prolong it
By not possessing you.

I will indulge in this feeling
Until it disintegrates
into nothingness.

You will evolve
But still,
I will not possess you.

Tear down the last gods
disregard their pleas.
We will take their posts
move close to me.

And so I stuffed my clothes
Without arrangement
In the desolate void
Of your universe

Where no one
Not even the stars
Could reach
Them out.

And so I grabbed my books
Enough to sustain me
For the longest time ever
of my utter disappearance

from this world
of perfect vanity
and sheer absence
of arts and poetry.

I will be back
After deceiving the fairies.

The last time we were together,
I was sleep
my arms wrapped around your chest
holding you close
and not wanting to let you go.

That was before your flight to the United States
And you woke me up with a kiss.

At 2:37 last night,
I was haunted by the thought
that you are no longer the same person
who will wake me up with a kiss
before his flight to the United States.

"I don't want this to end," he whispered.
"It will end," I exhaled.

Inevitably.

I will pull your hair
and pull you close
and let every atom of my flesh
fell madly and irrevocably in love with you.

I will search new words and exhaust the old one.
I will find them all,
pin them down.

Wrap it in a form of stars
that we will use
in decorating the dungeons.

Which has been abandoned for so long.
We will explore the place, fix the place,
put some shelf, inhabit it
then make love.

All summer.
Beyond every season.

That I will cheat destiny
just to be near you
once more.

How far can you walk
into the dark forest?

How far can the dark forest
walk with me?

Every step.

Uncertainty --
you never know
how it roasts me alive.

You never know
how it tatters my skin,
gorges my flesh,

powders my bones.
How it reaches through my veins,
clutches my heart,

and despoil
my godforsaken
blood vessel.

No,
this rough oceans
slips through your stupid, little fingers

because you are so busy
confining yourself
in your trivial, pathetic world.

While you stand
on the threshold
of agitation and denial,

I try to resurrect
my hours
that you have spoiled.

And I do this while slowly --
very slowly --
hating you.

This is my elegy
to every second
that you have

murdered.

So still
I can almost hear
the hands of the clock
painfully fading

and your footfalls,
between us,
slowly stretching away.

Just to let you know,
I will not be here
in case you trail back.

Moving on also exists in my vocabulary.

I,
am the woman from your future

And you,
are the man from my past.

Aren't we,
*ironically magical?

It gets thicker
seconds by seconds
a pool of concentrated red
flowing freely
from my fingers
down the sink.

Using this blood,
on the wall,
I will write your name
and curse you.

Body,
please rest.
You've been tormented by Mind
all day
all night.

In the howling wind,
I push my window open
and wait for you.

You know,
The only thing I want for my birthday is you.
Just you.

The rest of the entire world can fall away.

The tip of my fingers
beat restlessly on the table
the way an apprehensive fist
knocks on a locked door.

I close my eyes
and I feel your voice draping the wall
and I remember your arms
around my arms
and your legs
around my legs
and your warmth
around my warmth
and how beautiful the light is
and how wonderful we are.

I'm trying to write something,
something I cannot guarantee.
Trying to make it fluid,
by containing it in words
woven restlessly
by my restless hand.
Hoping that they might pour
and traverse the spine of your back
down your leg
and make you laugh.

The act of betrayal hurts because it is usually committed by someone you have trusted and loved the most. And you have been betrayed, your heart gorged. I just want you to know that you have the right to be angry and hold your grudge against that person and there is nothing wrong with that. Even negative emotions make you human.

However, you have to remember that not all people, in general, are like her. Not all will treat you the way she did, or they did; not everyone will treat you badly, the way you don't deserve.

Most people are cruel, yes, but some are kind and genuine. They maybe few, but they exist. You can expect that they will regard you correctly, because they know, as a human being, you deserve that. They will show you your importance, because you are important. In case you have forgotten, they will remind you. In case you have lost it, they will help you find it again.

In times of need, expect that they will choose you over anything else. Meetings. Classes. Birthday celebrations. Whatever. You are worth more than those. They know that you deserve to be the choice and not just an option.

Do not be afraid to trust again. Fully and genuinely. Opening oneself and giving in once more isn't easy, especially in your case, but you have to try. You have to try overcoming those obstacles and letting not the past defeat you. Not everyone you'll meet will stab you at the back, the way she did.

There are people who can and will show you your importance. They may be few, but they exist. I hope you find them. And I hope you find your fulfillment as a human being and the core of your existence. I hope you can say in the end, not matter how ugly and cruel the world is, that life's worth it.

I hope all these for you.
Sincerely.

sheds nothing
but pretense
and unrequited love.
It's exhausting, really.
Your sheer lack of substance.

I wonder how the fabric of your clothes
against my skin feels like
as we lay on your bed
and stare at the ceiling
while the fog clouds the window
and your hands lightly graze my neck
making little circles.

I get obsessed with ideas
adventures
people
territories.

I kiss them
mark them
own them.

This is my personal demon --
this ceaseless desire
to roast you

over
and over
and over.