I venerate and hold memories
That cover my hands like you did
Conforming to my flesh and warming me
A pair of gloves to stave off the cold of missing you

I taste what you left me
And I am reminded of your lips
That impressed upon me
What it means to wish

I am ardent for that seeping joy
The deep chords that your hands would play
Softly and sweetly entreating me
To desire and sing for you

I hear your voice transmitted
Missing inflections and a face
You are half realized
In this way- but

You still cover me with care
Your affection tailored to my tiny hands
Love is all encompassing
You are my definition.

I shake,

              I drip

                drip
                  

                drip

                

                down.

A convulsing mess
in woman's clothes.

Oh pretty little thing
You've gone and lost your precious ring
And with it all you desire
Has been lost into the burning fire

Flesh on bones, on muscle, on thought
All wrapped up and overwrought
Fellow wont you hold her tight
In warm arms wont you plight

I shake,

              I drip,

                drip
                  

                drip

                

                down.

                Salty, wet, silly girl
                Given in to furl
                Sobbing for boy
                That takes away her joy
                He doesn't seem to know
                How much you hate
                His willingness to go.

You're so beautiful
and I feel fake
behind glass
and strings
and someone else's voice.

You're so beautiful
and I feel wretched
inside this skin
and head
and someone else's speech.

You're so beautiful
and your brilliance hurts me
and inspires
and breaks
and enlightens
and smothers me whole.

I've been buried in your creation,
It's time that I am born
to make my own revelation.

Sit down, review, respond
isn't this what we do?
complements are thrown
creations flit around
and it doesn't mean anything

Unless...

you say something that touches me

Unless...

you say something that punches me

Sitting, reviewing, attempting a response
this is what I try to do
you belittle me when there is clearly a child
can't I refrain from vulgarity if I choose?
but my anger doesn't mean anything

Because...

that is what you want from me

Because...

that is why you said it

and you are condescending
and thinking- that I am "stupid"
that I am belittling an art
putting myself up
on a pedestal
that I am "too cool"

However...

I refuse to engage you in cutting transfers

However...

I will respond to your guttural slurs
with my thoughtful neutral words

If there is something hidden
That is allochthonous,
A tiny, distant shard
Pure and iridescent,
No matter the beauty
Honesty has no place
In this well of confusion.

If there is something lost
That is moiety in nature
A sure, capable life
Destined to go blindly
No matter how bright
Honesty has no place
In this well of confusion.

If there is something inside
That is lost, that is allochthonous
Beautifully, alive & whole
Unknowing of it's fate
No matter that I wish
It was still a fragment
Honest love has no place
In the well of my profusion

When that something
Is not myself, but you.