I am aware of everything ,
I feel it all now ,
Take it away,
I can't bear it.
There's a happiness inside me that my nature turns to pain
It's breaking me

Dust has covered your eyes
You are now blind to the pain that surrounds you
The swift hiss of a bottle cap
Forget your miseries
Give them to me
I'll watch them grow
Everyday is tomorrow
Give me your sorrow .
I'll take your joys.

I am body without soul -
Or soul without body ,
Incomplete in some way  ,
That my simple brain cannot decipher,
If I could kiss you
Without burning your skin ,
I would -
If I could make you see fireworks  ,
I would.
Until then I must buy them for you,
So at least you see something.

I speak a soundless tale
of bodies crumbling to renew
You live inside me
At home in my heart
You could beat against it's walls
but you're never getting out

Love is endless and pure
It runs through my veins
Igniting at your touch
Burning but never burning out

I just want you
All of you
Nobody but you


Because every day I am yours

We were shadow ,
Wearing night as our crown.
- Effortless
Then morning broke ,
You grew and I faded
She shone and I was blamed ,
Now an eternal noon approaches
And I am left as shade.

To teenage dreams of love and wealth
To living life
Instead of breathing death

We are here for today,
Though too foolish to believe
That there is not always tomorrow,

You call us niave
For hoping for more
for caring
And walking into the world daring
it to take us down

We are young
We never belong
We hope
With  heads full of dreams
And  hearts full of promises

I sat in comfort
At the peak of my mountain
I saw everything yet -
I took no part
Roads interwined
New buildings erupted and
Old buildings were torn down or
Refurnished
Why is there constant change?
I could see no imperfections in these creations
But it seems I must be wrong.

I was tempted at times to move from my stupor.
When I witnesses great harm or relief
But my place is among the hidden
I am a shadow in your soul

I am the secret that you love to forget
The dark need inside of you that tears you apart
I am your life
I am your death
The darkest shadow tainting your heart
Hold my hand to hate me
Insult me to love me
This is us.

I do not miss the beginning -
The school girl crush ,
The lust,
The blush.

The middle suits me fine.
Content to know
That your hand will always fit in mine.

The fire has not turned to ash ,
The spark still remains.
But now it is accompanied by
A beautiful rain,
That comes with age,

The end grows closer
With every passing day.
Our end does not.
A lingering love will last ; immortal -

I wish to speak your language,
More so to be fluent
I'd whisper words I fear to say -
The risk being you would understand

My heart will not speak ,
It is silent
A Weapon ,
It can turn on the soul so easily .

I am not the crisp view from your window
or in your mirror
I do not seek perfection ,
I am perfect in ways you know not ,
I am destruction itself , my dear .

Subtlety and clarity in defined  plans :
You bring this crisis ever near
with such foolish words.
A wreck is destiny.

I am but a mere prophecy to you

Laugh me off with youth  and belief in years to come,
Know this : I am ever present
This constant threat to sense.

Inside a watch
Time ticks by oh time
The glass presses down
Cutting off the last gasps of us
Who is me

I hear the clicks of the second hand
I think He has made me to lead
those

Or maybe I am not a leader
Or a follower
Perhaps  I am just a brain
A brain ,

Are you oblivious to my lack of knowledge ?
Why would you make me this way

And the seconds , minutes, hours
Change my soul

It was always you .
When the liars shrieked with joy ,
You held me while I shook
And told me of their nature.

My skin grew numb,
My veins tingled ;
The touch.

I had no knowledge of love,
I believed I had it until I let go ,
Then you  gave it - threw it- and I returned

A battle began , A war ensued ,
Both using our hearts in
Attempts to scare the other away ,
Though always hoping we would fail ,
As we did.


We were faint with ecstasy at times ,
There was a moment when you grabbed me..
I almost cried.

I have loved you always .
Even before I knew you I swear it somehow.

Jealousy grew in others ,
The liars shrieked at me ,
Not for a second did I believe .

You are my only road
It was always you.

I love you , I said
in harsh whisper
that echoed
Till you heard it back
But it was merely a repeat
and so all meaning was lost

Oh reality how cruel you are
to allow us to dream

I had tied my own  future to yours
As if that made it true
And then you told me
And I knew

You were willing to give
a heart
But any heart of yours would be mechanical

A makeshift heart you ordered for emergencies
As yours was given
Long before I

Follow me into dusk
Where light and dark collide,
Stare into the heavens together
Eyes shut wide,
A steady breeze blows  ,
Carrying the last moments of today,
A dozen Roads in between
my heart and my body,
Follow me into dusk,
I will find you there.

Breaking into being
Piece by piece we join and I am seeing
A world that is you and I
Lips collide : Bruised lips

I want this moment
To be a memory ,
That will not hurt to keep -

We were kings you and I,
We fought our battles  ,
Won few and lost many
All together  .

We grew stronger with each defeat ,
Making mistakes but not regrets ,
Sharing ghosts and skeletons
We were so haunted.

Alas .. Time and coincidence turned into enemies
Turning us against each other .
The thin line was crossed ,
Love became hate
as so often it does .


It has been a long time since our youth ,
Since we last were together happily ,
Do not misunderstand ,
For I do not miss you ,
It is the ability to look back on our memories
Without remorse  that i miss .

Why should I feel ashamed of the past?
Do I need to erase it
As if it were a splash of paint on a blank canvas ?

But the past was a different piece of art.
Less refined .
I have been trained since then. I draw now in detail and beauty.

My work then was not the work of now.
This is a new canvas that I am proud of.
But tomorrow or the day after or next year
I will have again , improved.
So should I then throw this work away ?
How then will I see how far I have come ?

And after all we have done ,
And everything we tried to do .
It was all a waste.
Not worth a ******* thing,

This wont go down in history ,
When we're too old to remember
How will this stay alive?
Is it worth it to survive, when you're just walking closer to death?
Everyday a step further.

Our tales are only our tales ,
Our lies can only go so far,
I'm too impatient for the present
But I can't let go of the past ,

What happened to passion ?
We threw it away
What happened to love?
We thought there would always be another day.

Mistakes became habit .
We didn't bother to change,
Now our stories are useless.
We have nothing but hope
But it is too late for hope now.
The best we can hope for is a fast ******* death
Because we have nothing left but decline

Cherish me like a diamond ,
Chiseled delicately for love ,
Do not hope for a future for us
Just know it will come ,
Hold me forever ,
I promise not to let go.
When we kiss I break
In the most amazing way
Our lips part and I am whole again.

You are too much to avoid being shy .
You have thrown yourself into a shallow ravine .
- Not so much false proclamations of love
as exaggerrations of like.
Patience is the key
But you care to much
Building cities of glass

Lips skimming , sharp as knives .
Killing you almost as quick ,
Or defending you to the death,
Both lucky consequences
Depending on the host ,
And their thoughts ,
And the roads they have travelled.

The dark cannot suffocate me ,
As it can you ,
For I have a switch
To turn on the Streetlights ,
And I have eyes to look at the Stars ,
They lead me home where the  dark cannot reach ,

It envelopes me from all around ,
But my pinpricks make all the difference.
They mark a map that only I can see,
Leading me astray from the path chosen for me ,
Instead I am walking towards the unknown,
Lights guiding me.

I would happily drown in despair
at least it would be to feel.
Then happiness would be sadness
And I would be so horrible
I'd hurt you
Hurt myself
To find pleasure
A beautiful ****** pleasure.

We are many systems
My heart might feel
But my brain won't hear it..

He had a freckle on his nose ,
He detested that freckle but it was my favourite part of him ,
He was not flawless but he was perfect .

He held me as if I would break at any second
I held him as if I could not let go .
He opened my heart and broke it ,
This I cannot forgive  though it was not intentional.

My heart stopped beating along with his
The day he died .
I miss that freckle on his nose more than I can say.

Nothing special -
A thousand thousand clones.
And a greater number similar.

With nobody else
Is it this ,
With everybody else ,
It simply is .

But we eat and sleep and shower ,
Make tea -
Watch tv -
Love .

Together a family of two.


We will be this forever ,
But not yet .
For now we have our temporary homes.

Nerves standing on edge.
Screaming to run. Screaming to stay.
Love binds you like rope
Though you're scared it is more an ideal. A thread.

But it is perfect this moment.
It is red.

Soft kisses on necks, firm grips.

Details blur .
You cannot tell where you feel ,
Only what you feel

He tells you he loves you ; often said
But to say it now..

You kiss him at the right moment
Gasps echo into each others mouths

Then the first is over
Lying together in happiness
As the perfect first calls for

With an arm around you
An arm around you
He could be the last.

Rushed over to avoid suspicion
He is confident and you are scared.

He pulls you to the room
You concentrate on its filth
Instead of thinking of what is to come.

Clothes fall off and you are too young for this
But he could leave.

Passion comes soon but not enough to overwhelm.
And so the pain of first remains.

He shouts. You're silent. He has not looked at you yet.

She looked at the leaves in autumn
And she saw their colour
But not that they were falling,
And when they got  caught in her hair,
She liked how he picked them out.

She looked at the snow in winter
And saw snowmen that would not melt,
In ice castles where they would live,
Until the cold set in and killed them,
But they said that love was worth it.

She looked at the flowers in spring
And wished he'd given her just one,
On the anniversary that he forgot,
And when the petals got caught in her hair,
He didn't think to pick them out.

She looked at the sun in summer
And waited for it to blind her,
Because she didn't want to see the falling leaves
That he crushed beneath his feet,
As he walked away.

I did not fall ,
I was pushed,
I tried to crawl and they kicked,

Pressure built,
Beating - tension- beating.
I see beauty in life
Beauty I do not deserve.


There is pain. There is breaking. There is numbing.



The Veil is waiting to be pushed aside,
If you could understand the pain
that I endure to survive.

At worst -or best- moments death is a lover,
A warm embrace
That erases at its touch

Ember smotherd by coal
You cannot hope to win but still you fight
Hoping that you  can start a light
That will grow to radiate a
Purifying glow.

As if you ever stood a chance!
They pace and watch you
See you are no great danger

There was once a flicker but the sparkling dance
soon faded
As  Cold and Dark invaded ,
Still you fight so tirelessly it is hard to tell
Whether you will give up to perhaps be reborn -
Or be  strangled for your eternity by your efforts

This day the earth died  ;
It was your fault .
For the sun burnt out with envy of your radiant shine ,
And the moon ,
The moon it collapsed upon seeing your beauty and knowing
It could not compare ,
But it was worth it to die trapped in this dead planet
To see a true vision
To feel a true love.

Every breath is Broken,
And every Word is stolen,
Would  it have mattered to you anyway
If I had got my chance to say -

Hunched over to hold ones self together
My body is breaking.
"Forever"

The Light lit you for a while
Casting a deadly glow on life
Now i am blind


To kiss me has been to **** me. My love.

I travel your caves ,
Some deep -
Some shallow.
Most stray away from your dark
Exterior,
That induces terror ,
Implies death.

Those who cannot see your beauty - who
Has known this world and pasts ,
We run instead of learning your knowledge.

I wish to speak your language
More so to be fluent.
I'd whisper words I fear to say
The risk being , you would understand.
The heart does not speak however. It is silent
It is a weapon.
It can turn on the soul so eaily.

I wish to speak your language
More so to be fluent.
I'd whisper words I fear to say
The risk being , you would understand.
The heart does not speak however. It is silent
It is a weapon.
It can turn on the soul so eaily.

My stars are covered by a delicate covering
We spun with our obsessions
Invisible until true acceptance

(Acceptance that comes easiest to those in denial)

We search for these fiery beings above us
Until truth
We bend and break and are renewed
In a beauty we do not , dare not , see

You are the not the prince I dreamed of  :
I love you now as I love you in hate,
Holding you close ,pushing away , pulling closer,
Grasping with white knuckles.

I love your annoying habits
Though they irritate me so ,
You could not be without them .

This is love and it is real ,
It frightens me at best.
This is not a fairytale
I do not expect a happy ending,

Though if I was to have one
It could only be with you.
You are not the prince I dreamed of ,
You are more.

Jump with me darling ,
To the world below ,
We can swim with childhood fantasy .
The magic will freeze us ,
Us : to never grow old.
The waves will crash over ,
Not leaving a shiver ,
No battles , no wars,
In our souls .

They dressed Me too tightly in clothes I did not care for
Bustling , rustling , alert.
I waited impatiently .
I was the princess of the day ,
Admired for a time
Soon to be forgotten

I stepped into their judging room and forgot briefly
why I should enter such a place.
I looked ahead then , saw a blurry outline

I saw you and I walked.


I stumbled in my hurry
They laughed and I did not care.
Then I was there and you looked at me and
I wanted nothing else but that moment.


i do not recall the crowd or ceremony
As clearly i do that moment
when you stared and i blushed .
All was lost and All was found.

This day was not when We married ;
It was not when We said "i do" or signed the paper
it was not when We shared our first married kiss

It was the moment We gazed at each other at the altar.
It was from our beginning .
We were married from the first "Hello"
Though it does not end at the last "Goodbye"

And still We marry again
To this day
With every glance
And heartbeat
And recovery from insult.

It is difficult to understand my reasoning
For life has shown nothing towards me but hate
Or at least disdain at the best of times

But i love It so
As the teenager loves the  idol she will never have

i love life though it deals me death continuously
i hold onto it which a strength
That weakens the soul temporarily

- my life it is my lover -

And you ask why i owe it my passion
When i live pain?
Why Look around you -touch your surroundings and think
That - one day you will not touch
But then , What is a tree but a tree?

For me death is death
i see no other realm except this

And so i adore my suffering as it is life
You could say i find suffering a pleasure
i do not know if you would be wrong

Or if you would be right
have others opinions not always overshadowed our own?
So please tell me if i am that frightening person
Who writes of the beauty in pain.

What is it to live in you
When did your systems fall apart to reveal
A heart , thumping , bursting , laughing .
I am in your veins
Travelling , travelling.

-My sky is on the ground
I will walk with you
Circling , circling
Dizziness with a clear mind and vision

When we go ,
Love remains ,
It can be found in beauty ;
The masterpiece and the sketch.

when someone dies
the world is changed
and we are forever altered -
infinite choices were never made ,
memory can take her from us but that does not change
that what could have been is not
and what has been is permanent ,
fate must find us a new road
devoid of her actions,

I captured grey skies
For you,
You love them so.

I was the canvas you smeared in red..
Paint my pain into beauty
Proof that it is real.

Why do you casually cut
the last threads that  I hang from?
I'm sorry I arrived at a bad time,
But that is your fault.
Not mine.

I lost something today,
That I do not know how to Be without ,
And now my body is weak ,
My soul is defeated.

All will carry on ,
I will whisper to the winds
In hopes they imply my messages
to you ;
Who does not want to hear them

I was not prepared though
I saw the vultures waiting ,
Now memories are tearing me ,
apart,
They call it heartbreak
But it hurts more than just the heart,

I would have given you everything.
You will always be perfect for me.
I hate it.


Today will not be remembered,
By many but I,
This is the day I shut down.
In a century or so
You will find me - a Sleeping Beauty,
Alive but not,
Waiting for a prince
Who does not want to come,