Wrists exposed, I bled for months on end
Hoping maybe you’d put a stop to the leak
But that day never came and my suspicions
confirmed that maybe all that seeping black came from you …

As time passed, your words grew sharper, like knives
Bull’s eye of my chest, your aim was off
I’d known had I not fragmented my mirror
Sometimes feelings make clouds of my mind

In fields, where beautiful things once were born,
In fields, where I slept and dreamt endless dreams,
Battles ravaged on and all that greenery shed its surreal color
Those fields now salted dead by an eternal cascade

Before you lay yourself down,
check once, twice, thrice
that you’re not sleeping with the enemy
and that he has got a pulse

fg

the hands of the clock
raced forward so quickly
& I, well
I only wanted them to stop.
To give your hands
the leisure of a slow expedition
(from the crown of my head
to the chasm)
I would have swallowed a rain cloud
Believe me, I would (have)
*et il y aurait toujours eu de la place pour toi *

Alas, in my time,
my mind, grew thorns
& when I found no way
to do away with doors,
I fixated upon those silver paths
to your hips
(which hung around like carcasses in a wallflowers’ Sahara)
I found a note out of tune,
and paint crumbling from the ceiling.

*puisque tu n’as jamais fermé la porte,
je me suis jetée par la fenêtre!

I ran away with my resentment
Hypocrisy bred under my skin
infecting my chest cavity
& weighing it down.

I suppose I smoke now
to try & aerate my ribcage.
I'm sorry that I took off
that day in February & never returned.
(even you didn't deserve that)

Somewhere between life & death,
Somewhere between hate & love,
Lie my thoughts
I see that vast abyss in your eyes.

I cannot swallow emptiness
& no longer will choke on your cancer
I'm sorry that I no longer look at you
& that I no longer reply.

I am only trying to cut the cord
lest it tightens & suffocates me
when the tension mounts
God forbid, if I were alreay kneeling.
(I think I would surely collapse)

See now, (or maybe you don't)
all this scar tissue from former battles ?
I have now abandoned the combat
& wait patiently for your last breath.
(a war of resistance not offence)

Do not despise me for giving up,
It was your example I followed
& I saw, even Christ, perished
for the sins of others
(I want to be alive)

there’s something about those tiny teeth
decorating that infinite black canvas
drawn like a curtain at the day’s end
that enhance the chemical persuasions
I give into when yesterday calls itself today

Moonlight breeds a fleeting, false clarity
that the Sun devours ravenously by mid-day
& so my hands often hold nothing but a
pouding headache and throbbing regrets
But I can’t say I know what remorse feels like