months ago,
when you left,
why did you leave
all the doors open ?

why did you not
shut the windows,
or look behind you ?
you were still welcome

I followed you, your path
until the crumbles
became so scarce
that I could go no further

I turned about & retreated
but your smoke still lingered
& your presence hung about.
the hope was suffocating

& now a draft haunts
my room, it gets cold
but I cannot bring myself
to turn the lock & shut you out

for hope, that maybe you’ll return
for fear, that you likely won’t

It comes, sneaks in
slowly, quietly.
Often at times,
I don’t even notice
its subtle arrival
‘til I’m being taken away
by waves, I know not how
or why to swim

Then I’m starring off
into the distance,
fixating on an endless crack
on the wall, it’s always there
I know I’m being occupied
by this guest of a geist
& I’d like to push you out,
keep this persistent phantom
of ugly things from taking me over

Just give me the chance to breath,
before you pull me under ?
Annonce your arrival ?
& don’t wear that mask ?
I already know your face


Don’t lie ?
oh, there is never any use
in talking to you, your rubble

Never, any
at all

When I am alone & often in the dark,
persistent questions sneak into my mind,
screaming incessantly in a quiet whisper,
Maybe I am not ready for all of this ?
Maybe I’ll fail, fall down & end up picking
shreds of broken glass from my tiny knees
for as long as clocks chime & time leaps forward

Maybe I’ll bleed & never find the right way to
hide the scars that might manifest themselves
upon my already well-travelled body.
I have so many already & they may ask
Why does she continue to leap in bounds ?
Does she not see her skin is already tarnished?

Indeed, maybe I’ll never find myself in others
Maybe I’ll never know what comfort feels like
& maybe, I’ll never have peace within
but good god, I have never said no to
anyone, anything when I felt it call my name
I have lived, have laughed & have cried
as if every moment were the first & last

I have felt as much as I am capable of
Have given myself time & time again,
Have let others feed themselves on my vulnerability
(I imagine that my affection tasted like flowers
Sweet & in full bloom, freshly cut in springtime)
I hope that they ate to their full (& never forgot the taste)

It was of no cost to me (save an ephemeral sadness)
I always seem to rise from the ashes
& so maybe I am no Fool for having hushed
those Sirens’ voices in my mind
I fell down & yet, always stood up

Maybe I will be forever unsure of many things
but I know, I have always known
that I am a lover & I shall love
It is of no sacrifice & I am no martyr
only ever, a mortal attempting flight

something ever tender,
lies in your open palm,
& all that is only delicate
hums a distant love psalm,

i had hoped you would
have eyes that smile
& skin that gives back
(only just once in a while)

& what joy, they do !
So I exhale in quiet laughter
& understand what Spring is
in this lovely rapture

Don’t open your mouth to utter
“you’re growing further away”
Don’t remind me
that the Atlantic stretched 4 miles last night,
or that Louisiana is sinking at a rapid pace

I do not care
I can only think of myself


I can see that the sun doesn’t shine at home like it does here,
How come your skin doesn’t seem as thick as mine does now?

I’m sorry but
the only thing that calls my name at night is the smell,
of that sticky sweet heavy dew that clings to the morning,
on the nights I drove when I shouldn’t have
on those nights when I learnt what regret tasted like

I want to replace that thirst
Scratch that, I don’t want to be thirsty any more

Last night, I woke up to snakes in my bed
(there were never any snakes on that island)
but at 6 am they were plenty around me
& I slithered as well.

That child was a phantom, dead
& you’ll have to pay for this
one day or another
(all that white death spilling out of its tiny mouth)
I felt, not sad, only neglected

Alas, I’ll never be the Queen of Nihilism
& I’ll probably never cross the Mississippi
but last December, I dipped my foot in her current

the water was filthy,
factories polluted the sky

but I’m trying & still I’ll try

& I am not sorry

f

salle de concert,
salle des corps transpirants & glissants
salle de semi à poil
comment tu t’appelles ?

champ de Mars,
champ des conneries & des concessions
champ de refus
tu m’avais manqué

coin de la rue,
coin de sms à la con
coin d’attente
ne m’appelle plus jamais


taxi de Paris
taxi de vulgarité
taxi de fatigue
je vous vire à cause de ces mots


taxi de St. Germain
taxi de Charonne
vous êtes lesbiennes?
taxi du vieux pervert
embrasse-moi juste une fois

nuit de jeudi
nuit de j’ai trop bu
nuit quotidienne
*j’attends demain