let, let go of my wrists,
which are much too heavy
I let him explore that field
& he put his heart in his ***
Fell asleep on the beach &
the grey waves are approaching
like a baby in its crib
or an old man, rather,
dead in his grave

let, let the hours melt,
bound, the one after the other
the time that his body
can’t leave any prints,
that he’d be swallowed by the sea,
I would have drank every ocean,
willingly, hands tied back
but the salt water burns my lips
just as much as my words bite back

step, step back, it’s the moment,
I leave him on the rocks,
to go sleep with the sun,
at dawn, I’ll return to eat,
**** dry his petrified ribs
Bury his bones beneath the castles
of sand that decorate & spot
the horizon of this cannibal’s feast

I am cigarettes, chocolate & cotton
The things that melt, not what freezes,
I have no patience & I won’t spare your feelings,

My skin is a canvas, it’s never empty
Bruises in water color, blood in ink,
Grace in the day, destruction at night

Selfish, megalomaniac & narcissistic
Not a shred of sympathy but empathy that’s endless
I have spent my entire life trying to get out of my body

Live outside my mind at all times,
repression, displacement, denial : defense
my anger consumes me & i can't see why

I have spent the last decade puking
my sexuality is twisted & it’s always been about power
tug of war, to keep the upper hand & keep them down

In the mirror, I see myself at 2 years old,
singing & kissing my sister on the forehead
& then pushing her into Christmas trees

I am open, gentle, loving, creative & kind.
A picture of fragility & resilience
So blinded in the light of this life

Forgive but never forget
& such grudges kind of weigh me down
I’m just scared they’ll all do it again & I’ll be the Fool

My mother has only slept, ate, drank, spent her way through life
When I’m really strong, I’ll let her off for that but right now,
I just can’t

I have always wondered why I was not like the others
& then I decided I didn’t want to be
they are puddles & I am a lake:

I’d rather swim, & risk drowning
than never see the depths of my being

Nourris ta misère & je ferai pareil

Me faire gonfler sous cette peau douce

Prendre du plaisir dans la douleur : le Paradoxe

Au moins que ça remplit ce vide saccagé

Au moins qu’il mangeait des fleurs

Ces Fleurs du Mal et de la mélancolie

Comme rien n’est laid lorsque l’on ignore la Beauté

lâche, lâche mes poignets
qui sont terriblement lourds
je l'ai laissé découvrir ce champ
& il a mis son cœur dans son cul
il s'est endormi sur la plage &
les vagues grises approchent
comme un enfant au berceau
ou plutôt, un vieil homme
crevé dans son tombeau?

laisse, laisse les heures fondent
enchaînées, l'une après l'autre
les temps que son corps
ne laisse aucun empreint,
qu'il soit pris par la mer,
j'aurais bu l'ensemble des océanes,
volontairement, les mains attachées
mais l'eau salée brûle mes lèvres
autant que ma parole morde

recule, recule, c'est le moment
je l'abandonne sur les rochiers
pour aller coucher avec le soleil
l'aube, je reviendrai manger,
engloutir ses côtes pétrifiés,
enterrer ses os sous les châteaux
de sable qui peignent et tapissent
l'horizon de ce festin cannibale

avant, à ta poursuite
aux pays du désert
où le soleil brûlait et
dévorait tout en vue

je me contentais de
suivre ce fameux chemin
des miettes et méandres,
des traces de ton sang

pendant des années,
j'ai traversé ce terrain aride,
la course sèche la journée
des balades noyées la nuit,

je buvais que de ta tristesse,
j'avalais ta faiblesse entière,
mon propre corps infecté
par tes batailles malades

affamée, assoiffée, puis morte
pendue par mes pas sans fin,
ma persistance m'a gagné
un aller sous la terre

une fois revenue au Paradis,
tes plumes m’appariassent,
légères et sales, chez les autres,
un départ irréel de ton Enfer

ton Phantom silencieux,
tes ombres brumeuses,
flashent à travers leurs yeux
alors que j'ai arraché les miens

aveugle, la danse royal éternelle,
les fleurs vivantes me caressaient
une partouze de l’Ambroisie et ses amis
j'ai absorbé le Bonheur comme une éponge  

les lunes ont pleurés et décédées,
& tu te présentés à ma face,
portant ce vase ancien & abordant,
comme un cadeau bien attendu

pourtant, je vois mon reflet dedans
& comme c'est étrange
que tu ne pèses plus rien

english translation
not quite as good
the mirage,

before, when in pursuit of you
I found myself in a land of deserts,
where the sun burnt &
devoured everything in sight

I contented myself to
follow this notorious path
of crumbs & curves,
of the blood you left behind

for years upon years,
I crossed this arid expanse
running dry in day
drowned ramble at night

I drank only of your sadness
I swallowed your weakness whole
my own body became infected
by your diseased battles

ravenous, athirst & finally dead,
hanged by my endless trek
my persistence brought me
a trip beneath the earth

once safely returned to Paradise
through others, your feathers,
appeared to me filthy & light,
an impossible withdrawal from your Hell

your mute Phantom,
your foggy shadows
danced in their eyes,
so I tore out my own

blinded, an endless royal dance
living flowers touched my flesh
an **** of Ambrosia & her friends
Joy permeated my skin like a sponge

many moons wept & died
& you arrive in front of me,
carrying this forgotten, overflowing vase
as if it were a long lost gift

yet, I see my own reflection inside
& how odd it is
that you no longer weigh a thing

oh you bored baby boys,
how many times have I
gotten myself lost inside
of you & your endless mazes?
never enough, once more

oh you’re such fine young men,
weighed down by pockets
of paper that doesn’t bear
your name & a guard to
rival that of the Queen

so **** boring, so ****
silent, i’ll project my mind
on to you & romance
myself alive through this
fragmented Narcissist’s mirror

oh so blasé you guys, once,
twice, now thrice i’ve thrown
my sanity to the wind &
stroked my mania to love you
the world over & back again

oh & you all **** it up royally
infect me with your ennui,
i push my boundaries & leap
forward, leaving you stagnant
& rotten in settling dust

oh you lost boys, the return
“baby i was a fool, i had
no idea that was boiling
inside of you” now just words
from a reformed Prince with
an empty belly & no spine

let the line drop dead
& return the favor elsewhere