we should have never met, I don't know why we met and frankly everyday up until now I was glad that we met. I was happy that I had someone so amazing in my life that made my heart sink and made me laugh. you made my life complete , you made every little bit and peice of it seem worth it. you see i never had a "good life" ,I'm one of those people that are doomed with a too big heart and too many problems. but my problems all seemed to be so real when I was with you. they stoped being the little things I kept stored in the back of my mind, they came out when I was with you. and people would think that it's supposed to be the other way around, but you made me weak. you made me vulnerable, I fell in love with you and I couldn't be strong and hide all my **** problems anymore ; because you broke me down. you opened up every part of me and let it all come out. no one can do that but you. no one ever saw the real me. no one saw the bruises my parents left me, nor did they see how I cried my eyes out when the alley cat died. or how I left every trace of disappointment I had, on my wrist in blood. but none of that ever mattered to you, because I was never adequate for you. in your eyes I will never amount to anything. I'm just a girl with problems that not even I can handle. you never looked at me while I was laughing or smiling or dancing and thought to yourself how much u really loved me, maybe it's because you never did. I was just the first person that fell in love with you, that's it. that's what I will always be. I always thought that you loved me. u know just a little but you didn't. you've broken my heart so many times in one year that I finally broke down. I finnally realized that I'm not as strong as I used to be when I met you. I realized that I wish I never met you. I wish you met her first, and I wish she fell in love with you and you had the best year of your life with her. I would have never gone to the hospital that day in May, and I would have never told everyone I wanted to die and I would have never meant it. the one thing in this world that kept me together was my strenght to keep it all sealed up but you unsealed me like a pro. which leads me to now. March 14th. I have been up for hours contemplating every little aspect of my life and wondering how I let myself get so damaged, I also wondered how life would be without me but I'm weak and can't find it in me to take my own life away. I wish I wasn't. I wish that I was never given this too hard of a job life. I can feel the weight of this world on me just trying to bring me down and im going down with it. I was never meant for such a life, i have always been miserable. since the day I could remember; my life was not a walk in the park. I'm sorry for thinking that a boy that has everything and is so well put together with not a care in this world would ever love me. we're opposites and it was doomed from the start. we should have saved eachother the trouble that day in November. our life's would have turned out different. maybe I would have been happy. & maybe you would have fell in love.