Like the leaf that settles atop the pond
I glide across the surface of life
Rarely do I partake of it’s splendor
Just waiting for my chance to delve
Deeper into the waters depths
To drift along on unseen currents
To melt away into the encompassing darkness

I wish not for a life in the spotlight
I wish not for a jaded dream come true
I understand now that there is a greater plot
I understand all I sought was untrue
Somewhere I lost my perspective
Insanely I felt the loss of my soul
Turned inside out by a forged truth

Remembrance is a curse I bear
The memory of us once lying there
Driven to a dangerous peak
Turning away from lost sanity
How hopeless it is to see you now
Knowing that what we once were
Is lost to time and ignorance

Do not cry, shed not a single tear
Never have I lied to you
Unfaithful is something I couldn’t do
I cradled your heart in my hands
Even when I knew not what to say
To make all your demons go away
I’m sorry for what I couldn’t be

And now in closing I finally see
I’ve delved much deeper
Than I ever hoped to be
Perhaps one day I might surface
Driven upwards by a stray draft
And maybe by chance you’ll be there
Then hold me close if you dare.

Beauty you said was a quality I possessed
Intelligence I insisted was mine to own
Subtlety is not a virtue I contest to borrowing
Vengeance I will never openly deny
Memory sharper than a tack
Verbal sparring worse than a shark’s attack
Considerable damage caused by honed wit
Disturbing visions created by vivid imagination
Wrapped in a neat and stunning package
Just a sample of all the composing things
That create the person, that I prefer to be
Yet something of a steel frame runs beneath these qualities
Like honor, pride, unwavering courage
Love, compassion, and absolute empathy
Denial of what I once believed myself to be
Gave way to self created confidence
But as every flower has it’s core
So does the depths of my soul
Buried deep within, rarely coming out to play
My passions, desires, and fanciful whims
Unspoken dreams, and unexplored propositions
But perhaps the most mesmerizing thing
Is when my laughter rings out
Instead of being buried within

I’ve got too much to lose
Please don’t take my hope away
I feel alive in a new and exciting way
I blame it on the indescribable pleasures
And the sinfully wicked moments
Inspired by the wonders of your words
Invoked by the promise of more to come
Silence reigns as I contemplate reasons why
You give the gift of imagination
And purposefully flirt with destruction
Don’t you know I am without a doubt
Danger in a human shell
Perspective here for you to contemplate
How long does any fellow last
When they take a sip from my glass?

Come now again have you
To weave yet another tapestry
A memorial, a testament to my beloved heart
The heart you destroyed with poetic justice
Gave me the belief of comfort and endearment
Allowed me to luxuriate in paradise’s arms
Stole all my sorrows, absorbed all my fears
Then when the sun was warm
And the breezes and ocean mist kissed my skin
You took the love and the dreams away
Left me crying with intense pain in the night
Forgiveness is a foreign concept
Or at least it once was
But acceptance granted me peace of mind
Left me standing when the pain would have dragged me down
Paradise you showed me is a deceptive lie
A fable, a dream, a desire of what we wish it to be
It exists not in this harsh life we call reality
A barren mind, dragging forth the heartfelt sorrows
Forever retracing the mistakes that lay behind
My heart is barren, just another vital *****
No emotion can touch it, no hate can break it
This is the legacy in which you have left me
But my dearest friends the deeds are done
And now the dreams have fled
So shall the fires that lived inside my soul

Honesty could never be accepted
Sincerest apologies could never be forgiven
Strongest denial could never be heartfelt
Truths cannot be denied the right to speak
The lies were not simply displayed
For they were believed to be nervousness in the way
Hope that something would blossom
Where doubt had been the seed
Grow into beauty and loveliness
Not sorrow and bitterness
Deeply regretful of the part I played
Content with the knowledge
That it was not meant as utter deceit
Sorrowful of the pain you experienced
Regretful that I cannot separate the truth and the lies
Inside your own world of illusion
Ponder the secrets of life and fortune
Accepting that I am not the mender of lives
No more control over fate and creation
Than I ever did possess
Leaving the weaving of life’s web
To the trio, the sisters of fate

Intense building pleasure, this torture could go on forever
The pure desire to see you feed this fire
The prayer I whisper, one simple word
A chant, a mantra, a word of incredible power
Your name the only word to pass my lips
Arching up into your caress
A plea for the touches you give unto me
Craving your hands to run along my skin
Temptation giving way to pure sin
Feeling your mouth upon my breast
Your breath warm, soft, and moist
Feel you leave them traveling down to my core
Whimpering for mercy, begging for more
Hands diving into your hair, clutching with little sanity
Your mouth kissing me there
Tongue sliding in and out
Licking, suckling, driving me mad
Try to pull you back,
The urgent desire, this craving need
To feel you impale yourself inside of me
To feel the gentle, steady strokes
To have you sliding inside of me where I am so tight
Wound up, a spring ready to fly
Coiled so tightly, only your touch can unwind me
To feel the sensation of being free
To feel your love surround, encircle, protect me.

How foolish how insane to believe this could be more than a simple game
What sorrows what hardships have been endured for this dream to be maintained
No new found glory, no scrap of honor to be found
My sense of justice shall go once more underground
The folly here being the confusion of lust for love
For not sensing the trap and becoming a soiled dove
Where is the honesty I had hoped to find?
Where is the truth in this muck, mire, and grime?
Somewhere out there the bitterness of my laughter can be heard
Trailing after the soul who I scorn, whose picture I burned
Denial ceased when I heard the deception flow from his lips
When I felt the cold trail in the wake of his fingertips
Did I not receive warning from the friends who knew best?
Forgetting their wisdom in stead of my own recklessness
Blame them I cannot, harbor ill will towards them I do not
But the lesson I learned will not soon be forgot

I am not perfect, please do not see me for what I am not.
I am corrupted, By greed, selfishness, and hate
I may not allow them to rule me, but inside me they do live
Do not think me wonderful, or amazing
Simply because I can string words together creatively
Do not accuse me of another’s faults
I have enough of my own to fill a sinking ship
Do not assume I have committed a crime against you
Simply because you do not have the proof to clear me
Please do not fall for me, I don’t think I could handle
The thought of you being disappointed in what you will see
I am a maze of lies, denial, and false understandings
I create this hall of mirrors to protect what I have had to become
Inside is a fragile creation of abuse, self loathing, and denial
Because that is all I see when I look at a reflection of me
I may have some silver lining, but I am far from being made of gold
I am the “next best” you settle for in a department stores sale
I am last years model that all tried to trade in
Could not handle this pain, so instead I became
The woman who feels nothing, and has nothing to gain
I tried my best to please so many
Forgetting that inside I needed to like myself before they could

The way the light played across your face
The way it sparkled inside your gentle eyes
The way your hands made feel cherished
The way your wonderful mouth tasted
Dreams are made by your gentle caress
Hopes by the way you can make me forget
All the things I have witnessed
All the horrible places I have been
The desire you fuel, the ****** thoughts you inspire
Till I am nothing more than a smoldering pile
I crave your touch, the way it makes me feel worshiped
I need the way you hold me, as if I am special, unique
Perhaps this is but an addiction
Like a very special drug someone fed to my system
Or rather that I imbibed too much of
And became dependant of the feelings stirred in me
…
The desire that rides, tends, and feeds the fire
Is the thought of lying alone in bed with you
To feel your hands glide along my skin
To feel your kiss upon my breast
The sensation of you nibbling along my ear
Shooting lightning and fire down to my core
All I want is to rake my nails down your back
To hold you close, to hold you still to my attack
To bite your neck, and lick the wound
To laugh and purr as the emotions wind through me
The reality of that moment overwhelming
The knowledge of possession, of you within me
…
The ecstasy of the moment
Truth within a treasured dream
Holding you within my heart
Feeling that missing part to my soul
Reconnect, the wound sealing closed
Knowing that it is you that was missing
Never wanting the building pressure to end
Never wanting to leave this haven we’re in
…
Sighing gently to the night wind
Remembering heaven
And in whose arms it had been
Alone in the silence that is the night
Embracing my memories
Holding myself within precious moments
Gathering the power surrounding me
Compacting and adding until It is ready
Ready for me to send forth with command
To the one man who can hold my hand
…
Inside of you I see my missing soul
With you I see my future unfold
Next to you I see myself forever stand
Beneath you I find the heaven I demand
Without you I see no life at all
Without you I find that my hopes would fall