How foolish how insane to believe this could be more than a simple game
What sorrows what hardships have been endured for this dream to be maintained
No new found glory, no scrap of honor to be found
My sense of justice shall go once more underground
The folly here being the confusion of lust for love
For not sensing the trap and becoming a soiled dove
Where is the honesty I had hoped to find?
Where is the truth in this muck, mire, and grime?
Somewhere out there the bitterness of my laughter can be heard
Trailing after the soul who I scorn, whose picture I burned
Denial ceased when I heard the deception flow from his lips
When I felt the cold trail in the wake of his fingertips
Did I not receive warning from the friends who knew best?
Forgetting their wisdom in stead of my own recklessness
Blame them I cannot, harbor ill will towards them I do not
But the lesson I learned will not soon be forgot

I am not perfect, please do not see me for what I am not.
I am corrupted, By greed, selfishness, and hate
I may not allow them to rule me, but inside me they do live
Do not think me wonderful, or amazing
Simply because I can string words together creatively
Do not accuse me of another’s faults
I have enough of my own to fill a sinking ship
Do not assume I have committed a crime against you
Simply because you do not have the proof to clear me
Please do not fall for me, I don’t think I could handle
The thought of you being disappointed in what you will see
I am a maze of lies, denial, and false understandings
I create this hall of mirrors to protect what I have had to become
Inside is a fragile creation of abuse, self loathing, and denial
Because that is all I see when I look at a reflection of me
I may have some silver lining, but I am far from being made of gold
I am the “next best” you settle for in a department stores sale
I am last years model that all tried to trade in
Could not handle this pain, so instead I became
The woman who feels nothing, and has nothing to gain
I tried my best to please so many
Forgetting that inside I needed to like myself before they could

The way the light played across your face
The way it sparkled inside your gentle eyes
The way your hands made feel cherished
The way your wonderful mouth tasted
Dreams are made by your gentle caress
Hopes by the way you can make me forget
All the things I have witnessed
All the horrible places I have been
The desire you fuel, the ****** thoughts you inspire
Till I am nothing more than a smoldering pile
I crave your touch, the way it makes me feel worshiped
I need the way you hold me, as if I am special, unique
Perhaps this is but an addiction
Like a very special drug someone fed to my system
Or rather that I imbibed too much of
And became dependant of the feelings stirred in me
…
The desire that rides, tends, and feeds the fire
Is the thought of lying alone in bed with you
To feel your hands glide along my skin
To feel your kiss upon my breast
The sensation of you nibbling along my ear
Shooting lightning and fire down to my core
All I want is to rake my nails down your back
To hold you close, to hold you still to my attack
To bite your neck, and lick the wound
To laugh and purr as the emotions wind through me
The reality of that moment overwhelming
The knowledge of possession, of you within me
…
The ecstasy of the moment
Truth within a treasured dream
Holding you within my heart
Feeling that missing part to my soul
Reconnect, the wound sealing closed
Knowing that it is you that was missing
Never wanting the building pressure to end
Never wanting to leave this haven we’re in
…
Sighing gently to the night wind
Remembering heaven
And in whose arms it had been
Alone in the silence that is the night
Embracing my memories
Holding myself within precious moments
Gathering the power surrounding me
Compacting and adding until It is ready
Ready for me to send forth with command
To the one man who can hold my hand
…
Inside of you I see my missing soul
With you I see my future unfold
Next to you I see myself forever stand
Beneath you I find the heaven I demand
Without you I see no life at all
Without you I find that my hopes would fall