I need to
Scream
Until my lungs
Rip apart
And I ***** them
From my lips
Dripping blood
Like rubies
And my throat tears
Like shredded sandpaper
It won't be beautiful
Or tragic
Or wondrous
It will be disgusting
And horrific
And you won't want
To look

I need to
Scream
And you
Can't listen
But I need you to
Hear

there's a stupor in your eyes
and it's lightened by ease
a swirling mist of disconnect
softened by prosthetic drugs

there's a sun coming up
over the horizon
but next to you
it looks more like
a star

I wish I could suspend this single moment
And let it span a lifetime in a minute  
Here, where the light glows softly
And tints the walls and my skin gold
While it shines through my nails
Painting everything over in a peaceful trance
This is the place of slumbering souls
And my breath is the ticking of a worldly clock
The only one I can ever trust
Here, I am quiet, and here, I can breathe

I wish I could play this song again
Over and over a hundred thousand times
Because for once it's not a lie
Or a fabrication inside of my hopeful mind
Stitched from a thread of disbelief
For once, it's real and it's here
And I can breathe inside this vision
Even though those breaths are stolen
And my lungs are guilty
I can breathe here, even if only for a moment

I wish the quiet could last forever
The shifting silence punctured by chords
And shifting of fingertips on bedsheets
I am alone here but I am free
Finally I can touch these walls
Finally I can trace the photos of another life
With gentle hands that wish to smash
To break, to destroy, to rip and tear
But they never do, never in this moment
In this moment they still

I wish that I didn't have to sleep
For when I wake it will not be like this
When my eyes open I will have been thrown again
Back into the clockwork cogs of the real world
Pushed into place in a steel roundabout
Eternally spinning and throwing and chewing
Past everything in its path
But here, my fingers twirl through the air
Tracing patterns of dreams and stars and collisions
Between planets and worlds and lips

I wish that I didn't have to wake up
Because if this is so beautiful here
In the space where I can breathe
Then it will be twice as lovely
In the place of translucent dreams
Where it can suspend across a lifetime
Where I can play the song again
Where the quiet will last forever
Where I will not have to sleep
Because I will be dancing beyond this place

Flowers grow through cracks
Cracks in the wall
Where bare brick has been torn apart by bare storms
Or steel ripped apart by a hurricane of grief
Cracks in the pavement
Where some people refuse to step
In the fear of some supernatural supernova
Descending from the heavens and ripping their mind apart
Cracks grow in places where there is nobody to keep them from becoming brittle
Things snap when they're left for too long
Like sticks and bodies and minds
That have had enough of casual use
Of beatings and bricks and careful abuse

Pain is beautiful
Is that what they told you?
Be proud of those wounds and gashes you painted
Show them to the world because your pain is beautiful
Did it feel beautiful?
When it was four in the morning and you were staring at your ceiling
Wondering how everything had spiralled in iridescent lines
What a beautiful thing it is, to fall
To fall from that crumbling platform you built for yourself
How lovely it was when your fingernails ripped
As you scrambled and clutched at the edge
And your stomach wracked from your mouth as you fell
Did it feel beautiful, when you fell?
Did you ever really fall?

Everything ugly can become beautiful
A thousand poppies above a sea of rotting corpses
Turning to a graveyard of bones
Flower heads red like the blood spilt on the dark soil
Drip, drip, drip like a broken tap
Slash, slash, slash like a knife slicing through flesh
And that muffled, drawn-out scream mixed with gurgling of blood
Bubbling from lips and staining them, staining everything
That garish, bright shade of crimson
And then a thump
Because the end is always the softest part
Even if you cling on, kicking and screaming
The tide will sweep you away and your voice will not be heard
Unless you can find a rock out in the waves
And tear off those fingernails all over again to just
Hold on

Flowers grow through cracks
Cracks in bones and cracks in minds
Flowers of that garish, bright shade of crimson
With those seeds of madness
That wind you up like a little music box
And twist you around like a clockwork ballerina
And when you break those tiny screws
It's all your fault
The flowers that grow through the cracks
Are the flowers that drive the nail further
Until it hits soft flesh
Down through to bone
The bone of cracks and broken screws
But you did it all yourself
Why did you do this to yourself?

I want to shred my skin to slivers
Then stick it all back onto these hollow bones
With cheap glue and melted-down insides
A beautifully macabre papered design
To set into motion that deep, dull ache
That goes beyond skin and blood and flesh
That settles into the very marrow of my bones
Like a dreary numbing blow
I'll recreate it all, my own Picasso
Lips stuck inside out, limbs all a-bundled
Maybe I can stop myself
From being able to turn others inside-out
Hang myself in pieces from the bedroom curtains
The white stained with red paint and sweat
I can create to decreate, build to destroy
Pile up all these hollow bricks to build
A house I'll flick over with a single scream

I'm a ******* supernova of stars
Exploding and hurtling in bright expanses
Of sparks and stars and spiralling suffering
Throwing myself into space like a stray flame flicker
To destroy the empty space
Where everybody is safe from me, where they cannot see
What I have become
Planets are simply specks of glitter on my peripheral vision
And I engulf them in the inferno
Cities burn, castles crumble, while the councils cry out
But still I burnt through, still I burn
Until they're returned to the ground they came from
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Man born of earth must one day return
To their graves of lies and spite
With headstones to lock them in at night

I'm a fish out of air
Gasping for the poison I've become
Limbs flailing as chest heaves upwards
Begging for merciful surrender
I can feel each crack making its way up my skin
Brittle arms shaking under the weight of my tries
Purple mist seeps into my eyes
Pushing back the droplets of humanity
And pulling out the method of insanity
Flailing underneath these invisible hands
While bedsheets trap me six feet under
How boring it was, that yearning strike
How typical, that childish wonder
As to whether the stars were the eyes of gods
And pondering as to how our world would die
I never used to want to know
How it felt to fall

I'm dying to live like a falling star
Sliding behind the wavering horizon
To find a land where mornings are guided by sparks
Falling endlessly in irresistible lurch
Without scrambling for purchase on the splintering ledge
I'm going to spin and scream and sprain
Every arm and palm and heart
That falls into my path
A destructive lullaby of lilies
Arranged around a tombstone
In the shape of a perfectly pretty pillar
That holds up the weight of heaven
I'll catch every whisper and whimper and wish
And tear it to pieces like a paper moon
Set the pieces back to the wind
To find their ruined authors
And taunt them yet again