I may have a heart that is broken in places
But at least I have a heart at all


Sometimes
I wince with pain when the past plays,
Like a film across my eyelids
Vision not without defect
But unblemished by regret

Now
I feel empty and hollow
Waking in the darkness

I've lost count of how many times
I've posed the question
‘Why did I not deserve the affection?’


I gave you passes as I gave you my heart,
In the kisses I returned
I thought you kept your heart
Closed away behind your ribs -

Perhaps you do.


Today
I will wash your sweat from my skin
And your kisses from my neck

Tonight
I will press down buttons in my alarm
For daylight hours

Tomorrow
I will smile and ask you how you are
I will sing songs walking alone
Down main roads


Is it
Freedom
or
Is it
Emptiness?
Who is who?
You and I*


I know,
The numb in my fingers and in my thoughts
Will pass

I would always chose
My hopeful broken heart
Over vacant space
A De-void
[I'd hoped to fill]


I should stop trying
To provoke
Barren hearts' growth

Turn away,
Mend myself

For I may have a heart,
That is broken in places
But at least I have a heart at all

You're the only one,
who tells me
I am not the problem

There is nothing wrong,
with me, you say.

We've got a plan,
one day.

One day.

I am not well suited
To existing in silence
White sheets in plastic bags
Absently turning printed pages
Scrolling through screens
I find nothing

No, I am not well suited
To these silent hours
That I fill restlessly
With hopeful solitude
And shivering despair
All to find nothing
But old flaking paint
And old mistakes

I fall in love with impressions,
Fingertips on fickle flesh
In a shroud I sit
As these wisps rise
In a tantalising spiral

Smoke encircles the crevices
In my palms and in my fingers,
Then dances into my nostrils
And I am choking
Retching up blood

I cannot keep breathing much longer,
Coating my heart in tar

I often wonder if
in headaches you fear
you are living for
those silent touches
in the darkness
[I do]

Fingertips overflow with possibility
I stand poised on the edge of what could be
After helpless months, I can jump and plummet,
Or if I wanted, I could let you pass me by
A brushing breeze against my cheek
Whispering Freedom to me

I close my eyes and inhale, static release
High on the ecstasy of a second thought
The winds answer, stirring eyelashes like reeds
I've known only one feeling better than this
Your fingers running through my hair
Murmuring, moments fled

Let me sit, for now and drink in this ambience
Close my eyes and inhale this sweet breeze

A wound on her left breast
Reminded her where he’d been
Of the damage his lips had wrought
With violent kisses and honeyed words

This gift he’d imparted
Subsequent lovers caressed, unaware
The dark circle above her heart
Festered, and would not heal