i have a problem.
with not being able to
properly mourn.
my mantra is
find something new
to distract from the old.
and usually, that works..
for a little.
then i start feeling.
feeling the regret,
the anger,
the overwhelming sadness.
and it hits me like
a train that
this distraction
isn't distracting me
from the pain

i like a lot of myself.
i like the way i look
when i first wake up.
i like the way my eyes
look when i do my make up.
i like my body, how it's unique
to me.
i like my long hair.
i like my small hands and feet.
but my god
i love my mind
and i love
what my hands can do
and what my mouth can say
and where my feet can take me
and what my eyes see when i first wake up.
that's what i love about
myself.

i never understood
how people can
love and stay with
their abusers.
but then i
experienced
the pain,
the anxiety,
the hopelessness
and i swear
to ******* god
i still
haven't loved
more than i
loved you.

you can have
*** with just
about anyone,
anyone who
says yes.
but
to be able
to let your
minds
****
eachothers
and your ideas
love the same
postions theirs
do
is to truly
have
great ***
and a great
conversation
over drinks
after.

people say
everything
is better
when
you're blinded
by smoke
or drowning
in alcohol.
but you cant
see the lies
and i
cant swim
through the
disapointment.  
they say it
brings out
the real you.
but i'm not
really me after
the 6th shot
of *****.
and you
arent really
happy
after that
2nd blunt.

she fell in love
with the curve
of his smile
and
he fell in love
with the curve
of her ***.
but
eventually
they both
fell in love
with the way
there minds
felt together.

i've never really
been a nature
person.
but that day
i fell in love
with the way the ground
kissed the water
and the sun
made love to the
tops of the trees.
in that moment
i felt like i was
a part of something
bigger than this
****** up
human race.
and for once
i felt at peace.