i don't miss you
i miss the way
you breathed life
into the most dead
parts of my
soul
how your fingers
touched me like
a sacred religious
text
how your eyes held the galaxy
and your arms
held me
together

i'm addicted to my scars
the way they tell stories
better than i could ever explain
the way they make
constellations of my pain
and make people
take a second look
i'm forever a victim
to reliving
what i barely
lived through

i've come to the decision to forget you.
you're toxic, like an energy plant leak & you ruined everything you've touched.
including me.
i've come to the decision to forget you.
you're reckless, like a roller coaster without a safety bar & i want off this ******* ride.
i've come to the decision to forget you.
you're nothing inside, an empty shell I tried to fill up with *** & text messages & love & attention but it was never enough.
i'm tired of not having enough left over to fill myself.
i've come to the decision to forget you.
you change like the seasons and i always mix up summer and winter & i'm getting far too hot and far too cold to stand it.
i've come to the decision to forget you
you're the worst kind of mysterious, because you're a mystery to yourself.
you never look in your dusty crevices to realize you're so much more than who you think you are.
i've come to the decision to forget you.
i'm no longer the one on your mind.
i'm no longer the one you want.
i'm no longer enough for you.
so i'm forgetting you.

a couple days ago
i tried to **** myself
by ingesting a handful of
different pretty pills
in the hopes
they'd make me
a pretty corpse
i thought maybe
they'd plant roots
in my stomach
and grow flowers
out of my eye sockets
but then i realized
those pretty pills
would ****
not only me
but the ones who already
saw flowers growing
in the darkest parts
of me

I. there was life before him.
i know its hard to remember a time
his presence didn't make your whole body shiver
and his eyes didn't make you
want to wrap your arms around his broken soul.
but there was life before him
and there will be life after

II. he may no longer love you but you have to love yourself.
i know you had yourself convinced
that he was the only one who could love
all your loose ends, all the pieces, all the brokenness.
but he doesn't anymore and its okay.
now you have to grow
to love all your scars, all your craziness, all your faults.
after all, you're the only one
that lives with the voices in your head

III. he was never meant to be your last
you both spoke words of forever, planned a future together.
with 3 dogs, 2 sons, and a huge house.
you never decided where
but maybe that's how you should have known.
and i know you may feel like you'll love him forever...and you will
but, sweatheart
he
was
never
meant
to
be
your
last
IV. it was real
V.  he is gone
VI. and you are still ******* breathing

she let him plant flowers
on her heart
the roots intertwining
with her soul,
vines wrapping
around her spinal cord
but soon, she realized
they were weeds
and tried to yank them from her chest
but it was much too late
for she could never grasp
the very roots
that kept her soul
**prisoner