I woke up with second day regret
And the smell of you in my hair
A blend of peonies and repeating my mistakes
Shampoo can't wash it away

And I scrubbed
And I scrubbed
And I scrubbed

And the impressions of your utter
Disregard for me
Stuck to me
Like the glue that binds me into the straight jacket
That your love became when it wasn't love anymore

How am I still shimmering with a dusting of you
How am I still breathing?

Out, and in, and out of my mind
Again and again
While you dance circles around me
And against my hips

Your hands move my life like a hurricane
Maybe they'll name your destruction after me

I'm in the eye of your storm
Beating up against the impenetrable shore
Hoping this summer will bring me rain
To cleanse myself of you

If you break my heart give it back to me
Not that it's worth anything anymore
Not that it was worth something to begin with
Not that it matters

But there's a hollowness under the indent
That your palm pressed into my spine
And it's beating against my skin

Just liked you did

I'll be whatever you want
I'll be silent, I'll be small, I'll be still
But if your words cut into my wrists again
And tear my veins right open

Collect my blood in a honey ***
And keep it on your shelf
So when the addiction sneaks in
And you need one more hit
I won't take your punches

I won't be here anymore

And if your hands can't contain themselves
If my pain is just that ******* **** to you
When your heart is done with mine
Please just give it back

I'll take it in bits and in pieces
I'll take it with a brave face
I'll take whatever you haven't already taken

Please
Just give it back

If words crept up on you
As you lay silent but awake
I wonder what you'd say with them
And if you'd speak of me

Of the way I hold myself when I'm hurt
Arms wrapped around my ribcage
And how you wish your arms could take their place
And with all of your heart that nothing may ever harm me

And by what name would you call me
With my own or as the benefactor of yours
In cursive or in your sloppy print
That's scattered amongst my pockets

Would you love me in conceits and
In ways you'll never speak of me out loud
And if the words gave you their hearts like I did

Maybe you would at least take them

Just lay here with me. And let's breathe to the rhythm of each other's longing
That's what I want from you
Silence in the universe for just one minute so I can hear you breathe
So I can hear my molecules pulling back together
Just pull me into you

Let me just be here with you. Let's just... be here
Let's not even know where we are
The side of a forest for which we'll never see the trees
Just the forest, just the universe, just us

Just for one second, just look at me.
Not into me, not past me, just at me.
Just look at me and tell me this is it. We're it.

There was a river running through me, carving into my ventricles
Winding, turning, and tossing at night

It rose in the winter and fell into freefall
When the clouds rushed through my veins

Carving, etching, scarring my tissue
There was a river that flowed through me like gasoline

And then a summer without a drop of you.
A lifetime without ever coming clean
And a river left me like you did
Dry and hollowed

Three cigarette butts at the end of the table, three more days and I hope you never come back
We're June in winter, and if that's true, you're Springtime too early
Came up too fast, pushed through the ground
And winter never left
Now all the flowers are dead and you can't bring them back

*******.

******* and your lazy Earl Grey voice
That never said a single true thing to me at all
And your bedroom window that filters light like you filter your thoughts
Keeping all the kind things in

I'm gasoline underfoot
Don't tread me onto your carpets
One drop of a match and I'll set the establishment on fire until they're burning in the capitol building

I'm burning in all capitals.
H E L P M E G O D D A M N I T I A M D Y I N G.

No one really reads these days

There's a problem stuck under my fingernails
Bleeding into the cracks that the last one left
Because your eyes never seem to hold still
Long enough for me to catch them

But I'm chasing you
And I'm chasing you
And I don't know why I'm still chasing you
Around bent street signs all stamped with disinterest

I guess it's just because I'm still hoping you'll be there tonight
You're a parasite
But whenever the rain comes to wash you away
You only burry deeper in my skin

Everything in front of me is grey. Grey or an off-grey shade of almost grey. I'm an off-grey shade of almost dead.
This isn't a game of horseshoes.

You are or you aren't, and I'm definitively not. I'm not the microcosm of anything bigger than this, and there is nothing bigger than this.

The walls are crawling and I can't, and I swear to god that pain is something I'll never feel again. I just feel bottomless.