I'm a prisoner within my own mind.
What if's and Could have's swarm me
stinging  me with situations that will never come into existence.

They nest within my hippocampus.
Their lies seeping through,
filling my thoughts with everything that never happened.

They feast upon my memories,
replacing them with sacs of false dreams and over thought.
If only I could exterminate these little monsters.

For once I'd like to be free within my own body.
But as long as they stay within me I shall never be free of their hold.

You taste of cigarettes,
it disgusts me to no end.
But still I come back for more.
I can’t help but crave your poison.
I’ve grown addicted
and accustomed to your influences.

Your kisses send me into frenzies.
Each time
I am filled with
self hatred,
loathing,
and pity.

I hope that one day I will be able to escape
from your constricting hold.
But for now
I will stay content,
just within the reaches of the dangers
playing around with you brings.

Distance truly does make the heart grow stronger.
It’s been close to three years and still I can remember the way your arms felt  
around my waist,
pulling me closer.
I  remember how my heart skipped when you locked hands with me,
or when you laid upon my chest.
I crave for that closeness with you again.

It drives me crazy knowing that you are so far away.
I just want to cover you with my affection,
and take away the issue that burden you.
I’d give just about anything to erase the barriers that keep us away from each other.

If I weren't so weak
I’d scream those three earth shattering words for the entire world to hear.
Oh, how I want you.
Oh, how I miss you.

Unrecognizable is the monster looking back at her from behind the glass.
Once shimmering eyes now lack the strength to shine; hollow and empty.
Skin that once glowed,
now dull and grey.
The beauty that once graced her
now a mere memory.

Bony fingers
pull and ****
at what little is left of her  body.
Clutching at the bones beneath her paper skin
she screams.

Tears roll down her face
as she claws at the glass before her.
She cries aloud for it to go away.
But still it stands there,
taunting her.

I spoiled my love for anyone who was foolish enough to attempt loving me after you.
No matter how hard they strived to fill the void you created there was no changing the sad fact that they’d never amount to you.

My heart aches
knowing that they will never stand a chance against you,
the demon who slowly inched into my subconscious.

Your phantom’s caress burns deep into my skin,
leaving my nerves numb to anyone else’s touch but yours.
Your voice entrances me with each syllable to wander,
farther and farther into the pits of my own personal hell.

No one can save me.
For I am far beyond anyone’s help now.
I became my own victim
when I made it impossible for anyone else to fill the hole you created within my heart.

I am a fighter.
I will not go quietly.
You will hear my voice.

Opinionated,
but filled with much grief and doubt.
What am I to do?