It's the
scent of bud light and cheap cologne
that brings me back to that night
The night you told me I was beautiful
The night you told me to stay
And so I did
I stayed
Because I was intoxicated
Partly from the alcohol
and also from the feeling of your body against mine
The way you held me strong in your arms
And pulled me to your chest
And smiled
And laughed
And stared
Until you couldn't bare it anymore
and neither could I
You grazed your hand lightly against my leg
and you told me
You told me you weren't afraid of my scars
You told me you weren't afraid of my past
You weren't afraid of my darkness
But you were afraid of clowns
And I laughed and I beamed
And I was glad you didn't see
the tears that fought so hard to escape
I swallowed back my lump
And kissed your perfect lips
I wished I wasn't broken
I wished I could be everything you needed
But I'm not
And I might not ever be
I can't see past the fog
But i'm trying my damnedest
My scars overcome me
But so do you
It's a battle in my heart
And it rips at my chest
But I look into your eyes
And I see a future full of
hope, and light, and happiness
And maybe one day I won't be so
*Broken.

Time is funny
Time is cruel
Time snatched you away
Now what the **** do I do
I thought you would stay
I thought this was forever
But I'm a moth to a flame
And your a heavy endeavor
...

There you are
High above me
High above us all
and
You don't even do it on purpose
Hold yourself there, I mean
You just are
You just radiate light
and
You don't even do it on purpose
You're like my own personal sun
My own personal smile
My own personal fill to the void
and
You don't even do it on purpose
I can feel my pulse
I can feel yours too
Your eyes shine in the darkness
and
You don't even do it on purpose
I need you here
I crave your touch
To lie in your arms and breathe in your scent is ecstasy
and
You don't even do it on purpose
You just are. You just do. You just exist
and that's enough for me.

You look so familiar
You resemble someone I used to know
used to love
used to cherish
But who are you now
and
Why are you hiding
You still look so dazzling on the outside
but on the inside
You're vacant and lost
And angry and bitter
Where is the guy who could see past the ugly
And held his head high above the rest
The man who stole my heart and swept me away to a place where I felt
Beautiful
?
?
?
?
I know I've seen you around
Maybe in my dreams
Maybe on the street
or maybe in my bed on that one summer night
that was too hot to go outside
so we stayed in and read stories to each other
and laughed and held each other in the candle light
because the power kept going out
.
.
.
.
Maybe I've met you before.
You resemble someone I used to know
You look so familiar
.

You don't love her
I promise
You tell yourself that to ease the tension in your chest
It builds and it burns each time you utter those three famous words
I can see it in your eyes and I can feel it in your touch
Your balancing on the ledge, not holding on to much.
But what's gonna happen when you run out of time?
And you fall and you break, but I'm so far away.
I'm not gonna be here to tell you what to do
Or lay on your bed and press myself close to you
I'll be finding myself and falling in love
And you'll be a distant memory that boils my blood
So figure it out dearest, and please let me know
Will you fallow your heart instead of your safety zone
And take a risk and lay with me tonight
?

I thought I could do it.
You picked me up in the same car we made so many memories in this summer.
The same car that creaks when you shut the door.
The same car that seats are too low and I have to strain my neck to see over the dashboard.
The same car I decided I was in love with you in.
It was bittersweet.
I thought i'd be okay.
I thought it'd be easy.
We were supposed to sit in awkward silence
and turn up the radio until we got to her house and I could break from the tension.
But instead you were charming and you made cackle.
And you got behind the wheel and drove like you owned the road.
The wind howled through the open windows and I was in the most blissful state of mind.
I never told you how much I loved to just watch you drive.
I could sit for hours in that very passenger seat and just watch the road disappear under the tires.
You got out of the car and walked into the gas station and the first thing I thought to myself was
"**** **** **** **** **** ****..."
That familiar feeling in my heart began to sweep over my soul and course through my veins.
I breathed in the scent of gasoline and cinnamon.
I glided my fingers across the soft leather of the steering wheel and sat back and thought of how
I fit so perfectly in that seat.
Like it was made for me.
Like you were made for me.
You glided effortlessly into the car and cranked the engine.
It roared to life
and chills danced up my spine.
I couldn't face you.
I couldn't look in your eyes.
Because I knew if I did I would be hooked again.
I knew your deep brown eyes would seep into me and cause me to shiver.
So I stared out the window and watched the world pass me by.
Mindless small talk kept me busy from thinking about how incredibly not over you I was.
I'm incredibly not over you.
I miss you.
And that car.
And the sweat spots on our backs from the sun and the leather.
It was bitter sweet.
And as soon as you dropped me off my breathing returned to normal
and the feeling in my finger tips came back.
As I watched your taillights fade into the distance I ****** in the cold night air,
and turned to the sky, hoping to fill the void in my stomach with the stars.
As much as I hate to admit,
I'm yours.
I'm still yours.
I'm still incredibly yours.

I'm tired of feeling lost
I;m tired of feeling empty
I'm tired of feeling hopeless
I'm tired of feeling tired.
I need to leave
I need to break away
I need to get the hell out of here
I need to find purpose
I don't know how
I don't know where
I don't know when
I don't know what
but i know it's time.
It's long overdue
I can't wait to get the **** out of here.