I sit here
Confused
Don’t know if I should cry or not
I feel abused
You abuse my friendship
I’ve sat here all dolled up waiting for you
But I didn’t have to do that
So it’s my fault too
I let you walk all over me
I let you get away with it like it’s okay
I tell myself I’ll tell you off
Almost every single day
You’re just putting on a show for me
Must feel good to have me wrapped around your finger
I try to act like I am fine
But truthfully the pain, it always lingers
One day I won’t feel like waiting for you, you know
And I won’t have to pretend to be okay
Yeah sometime I won’t want your attention
But that time is not today
Wonder what the excuse is this time
Or if there’s just going to be no mentioning of it at all
I don’t know what you’re waiting for
Take a bow already, I’ll applaud
Congratulations if you got me where you want me
Glad I could be of some satisfaction
And I know what’s up when I see you again
Lights, camera, action.

I’ve learned to accept my flaws
I’ve decided that I’m worth it
Looks aren’t really everything
But I’ve accepted my flaws, and that is what makes me perfect
No, looks aren’t really everything
But I love the way I look
And once you get a glance
I promise you’ll be hooked
I have a body you’ll never forget
Legs made for walkin’
If you’re seen with me
You’ll be sure to get people talkin’
But the catch is that I’m empty
Nothing good inside
No sympathy for my actions
No matter how hard I ******* try
so you see with me it’s like playing a game
But even I lost track of the score
You see, I am perfect on the outside
But nothing at the core

‘Love me today, don’t leave me tomorrow’
That’s what I should have made more clear
and that’s exactly what you did
one day you’re in love, the next you’re no longer here
Here isn’t where I want you though
Not anymore

Sitting outside writing this at the busstop
Don’t know what I keep writing about you for

If I knew the last time I was in your arms was gonna be the last time
I would have said goodbye, goodbye
I would have saved you the trouble
Of having to break my heart the next time, the next time
I would’ve been more persistent and asked what was on your mind
then maybe I would’ve known
that two days later you planned to go
then before you could make me cry
I would have said goodbye, goodbye

But if I knew that it was gonna be the last time
I would have hoped for time to go slower, that’s right
I would have savored every moment
Praying we’d never make it to daylight
But it was the last time
And I never saw it coming

Sitting outside writing this at the busstop
Don’t know what I keep writing about you for

If I knew the last time I was in your arms was gonna be the last time
I would have said goodbye, goodbye
I would have saved you the trouble
Of having to break my heart the next time, the next time
I would’ve been more persistent and asked what was on your mind
then maybe I would’ve known
that two days later you planned to go
then before you could make me cry
I would have said goodbye, goodbye

I should have listened to my heart
You’re a twisted lover
I should have listened to my heart
She warned me that if I fell for you, I’d never recover
Don’t know what I’m still writing about you for
Maybe it’s because I’m trying to make myself believe
That the part of you I still miss
Is just the person who you lead me to think you’d be

If I knew the last time I was in your arms was gonna be the last time
I would have said goodbye, goodbye
I would have saved you the trouble
Of having to break my heart the next time, the next time
I would’ve been more persistent and asked what was on your mind
then maybe I would’ve known
that two days later you planned to go
then before you could make me cry
I would have said goodbye, goodbye
So goodbye, goodbye.

You're like a candy bar
That I shouldn't eat
Amazing taste
But bad for my teeth
Each time I swear is the last
"this night is the last night"
But like that candy bar staring at me
I take another bite
The cycle goes 'round again
And I trip and I fall
It's like running around with my glasses off
Not safe to do at all
You're like that one last shot
That I know I shouldn't do
And the second I take it
It leads me back to you
Trying to communicate with you
Is like trying to drive a car with no gas
You're empty empty empty
But I just remain seated, drunk, and laugh
Staying away and not staying away seem equally painful
Oh, didn't you know?
You're great for my body
But bad for my soul.

I know now what I once and always knew
Which is that I longed for a father
I had one, but I didn’t you see

When I was growing up
I saw him
But it wasn’t really seeing him
Once a year on Christmas Eve
Wasn’t and still isn’t very satisfying

When I was growing up
My presents from him would always be pink
I always have hated the color pink
But I didn’t want his presents
But his presence
He doesn’t know me at all

When I was growing up
I wanted him to be proud
Of my grades, musicianship, even the mistakes I made and learned from

When I was growing up
I was thankful to have a mother to cuddle me through my first heartbreak
But I craved for a slap on the back from my dad
Telling me I’m still his little girl
That I can’t date until I’m thirty or something
I’ve had three heartbreaks so far
But still nothing

When I was growing up
I was jealous of all my friends that were close with their fathers
And if he comes to my graduation
I don’t know why he’d even bother
Four years, and he’s never seen a single concert
I’ve been in over twenty
Doesn’t know my favorite and best or worst subject
Or that foolish boys claimed to have loved me

When I was growing up
I wanted my mom to get a boyfriend
One to be there for me, toughen me up
You know, send me to my room and holler
I am growing up
And I still want a man to call my father

Remember me
Just the way I used to be
And so you know, I haven’t gone far
Just look around you
I’m wherever you are
Now I’m joking with the upstairs clowns
But I don’t ever want to see you frown
I’m the air you breathe; it’s surely worth it
Now I’m the star of my very own circus
There’s just one thing I ask of thee
Do not forget to remember me
Wash off the sadness, paint on a brand new face
I’m always here, even if I’m not taking any space
Everything happens for a reason
Even if it takes some time to get
Only 86,400 seconds in a day
Do not waste them with regret
So listen up please – this is worth knowing
When the thunder rolls in, do not fear
It’s just me in my Heaven bowling
And whenever it’s raining, I’m crying for you
To not forget me, and the things I’d do
I had everything and more
Children, Grandchildren, and a beautiful wife
And when you start to miss me, do not fret
Remember me; I am your life.
♥
~ In loving Memory of James Sr. ~

Tick tock
Can you hear that clock?
We only have so much time.

Let us not waste our time dwelling on each other’s past mistakes
But on the opportunities to start over and have better memories to make.
You only have so much time.

Tick tock
A constant rhythm
Filled with love, confusion and criticism  

Every minute somebody in the world dies
Let us not waste the time we have
On conceitedness and lies

Don’t let death remind you of what you should have done
Don’t let death be a solution to everything wrong
Sometimes we fall, but we get back up
Time doesn’t stand still, so don’t force yourself stuck

Tick tock
Time on the clock only stops when the batteries have died
When your battery runs out in years, maybe months, or days to come
What are you going to regret and wish you had done?

Time is precious
And I only have so much time.

Let us march with those fallen
Be them soldiers or an average Joe
Every second counts
They only had so much time.

Tick tock
What kind of clock do you got?
Does it just tick in your head
Over and over again?
Do you embrace it or ignore it?
Once a minute has passed
That moment in time is never coming back

So tick tock
Be happy, be wise
Tick tock
We only have so much time.