Fate has brought me to place unknown,
I follow wherever the wind has blown,
twirling about like a leaf in the air,
wandering so free, without a care.

Cornered by thoughts that torture me,
wondering how they could have come to be,
life's horrors, the pains, and the such,
driving me crazy, for it is too much

I reach the hill, up to the top,
at the peak is where I stop,
over the horizon for miles I see,
is everything the way it should be?

Paranoia consumes my thoughts,
dries up my spirit as if in a drought,
I scream to the sky, no one can hear
the pain, the suffering, the outburst of fear

Hopes, dreams, consumed within,
I watch as the bright light grows dim.  
Myself and the darkness have both  become one,
by the end of the day -- transformation done.

Lightning strikes, thunder roars.  
Light can exist no more.  
Children of the night come out to play.  
Welcome, those who have gone astray.

So much to hide,
Hurt inside,
So much to show,
Nowhere to go.

Knowledge none,
Mind on the run,
Flowing down,
Always a frown.

Full of shame,
Nothing to gain,
Hold in pain,
Try to refrain.

Hear the call,
Can't stop the fall,
Losing pace,
Feel disgraced.

One.
Is home,  good boy,  too good for you.

Two.
Next door, doctor, married, five kids.

Three.
Visits every Sunday, doctor, married, five kids.

Four.
Cherub and sweet, tender, joined the Church.
...Splat.

Five.
Businessman, wrong people.
...Splat.

Six.
Married a German girl.
...Splat.

Seven.
Left for America.
...Splat.

Took Eight
to America.
...Splat

Came back for Nine
in America.
...Splat.

Ten.
Politician... oh well.
...Splat.

Eleven
Soap opera star, not killing people.

Twelve.
Love affairs, bad marriage, gets into fights.
...Good men are hard to find.

Thirteen.
Rides motorcycles, movie actresses, parties.
...He's my baby.

I never felt so bad,
This hurt and pain I feel,
It makes me everyday
want to leave this world.

This feeling of being crushed
under the weight of sorrow,
The ongoing destitution
The mental destruction.

Homeless, unwanted,
Heartless beings.
Searching for a place
to find my heart's solace.

****** to search
to find my potential.
Carried off in isolation --
My heart is alone.

Lonely and alone,
cold like a stone,
coarse like the sand
rubbing across your hand.

I don't know why
I feel what I feel,
one minute I cry
and my heart's about to peel.

Devil, demon,
in my heartache,
wakened dream,
wakened nightmare.

Lost I wander,
alone again,
craving love,
craving beauty.

Circles and circles,
Tightly wound,
Trapped enslavement,
Tightly bound.

Stoke the fire,
Pave the way,
Hiding passion,
Run away

Cold and empty,
Heart of pain,
Crying inward,
Tear stained.

Embracing cold,
Pillows held,
Marks of wear,
****** bed

Sweet remorse,
Under masks,
Bitter hearts,
Daunting tasks

Pairs of eyes,
Crossroad track,
Sorrow-made,
Glittered cracks.

Walk for thought,
actions fought,
don't know what,
I should ought
...to do.

Lives at stake,
got to make,
no mistakes,
all heartaches
....are through.

Taking to the air.
Clouds.
Hope.

Waiting for a moment.
Walking the distance.
Gonna smile now.
What else is there?

Where do I begin?
Certainly can not from the beginning
Enter the darkness again
Exile from the light.

Stay in my infantile thoughts,
My selfish whims,
My horrid delights.
That's what I'll do.

Go back to your silent reverence.
I'll go back to mine.

You want hidden?
I'll be hidden.

You want to be silent?
So will I.

Reborn.
Rebirth.
The sun begins to shine,
the clouds are lifting.

The heart may ache still,
but there's promise,
there's hope left,
a prayer answered.

Undergo
a significant change,
the errors forgivable now.
Don't need the help,
don't need the professional.

Good changes.
Looking forward
not behind.
Everything is set ahead.
The future is promise.

Found out your hidden past --
Know my whole background,
Sometimes it just
Kills me.

Look back with no memory,
stories and journals
reveal hidden.

So ****** up,
drugs and alcohol.
Infidelity.
Revenge.

The perfect concoction.

Loss hits hard.
Thoughts begin again.
Late night attempt.
Insomniac attack.

No laughter heard.
No joy sounded.
No smile seen.
No tears fall.

Exanimation at its best.
Not depressed,
Not sad,
Not happy, nor mad.
Just Dead.

These are the times to dread the most.
Rather than feel,
You die inside.