Who would have guessed you would show up again?
Suddenly loving me, content as my friend.
Did you lay there and realize your bed's always bare?
One different decision and I would now be there.
Do you cringe at the thought of his caress instead of yours?
You say he deserves me. You don't know the half.
I cried over you as I sat in his lap.
He wiped the tears, and as I pushed him away.
He said, 'I'm here. We'll make it through okay.'
Would you love me if you had me, even when I cried for him?
I guess you know why I don't choose you then...

-Breath in Pace without practice,
or Scarcely even a thought.

-Hands entwined without effort,
Creating a feeling that could never be bought.

-Intoxicated all the more by the Knowledge
of Contentment Equally Earned

-Blanketed by Trust so Complete, we could fly
to the sun without getting burned.

-Not Possibly an Illusion, for the emotions are too Strongly Felt
(I never knew love grounded by reason
could so fluidly make my heart melt)

-Not to be treasured without expecting to carry
the Burden of Blood, Sweat, and Tears.

-Unthinkable to dispose of lightly.

-Worth every ounce of struggle as days lapse into years.

-Delight at all there is to receive.
(Things I never seemed to deserve)

-And surprising Eagerness to Bestow the blessings
that Ease the pain of past devotion (lest passion should begin to swerve)

Keep this list close to your heart,
To grant yourself solid evidence (though time defies perception)
That we should never allow our souls to part.
As you mark every sign with a tick,
you're certain to see we could not be faking the Understanding, the Peace,
The Happiness that is gained by the puzzle's simple click.

I wish I could not think of you, even for an hour.
But the pain has hardly faded. It continues to devour.
I wish I didn't care, because then I wouldn't ache.
You never thought of me. All you did was take.
I'll never understand how I can love you this way.
All you did was use me, never had the decency to stay.
I'm aware I never stopped you, but don't tell me you didn't see.
I was willing to do anything just so you would love me.
I was stupid, but you were cruel.
You forgot I am a person, you used me like a tool.
So many nights I cried and cried.
I know you didn't force me but you never should have lied.

I wish I would've accepted the truth.
But my heart gave you the benefit of every doubt.
Now I'm left to wonder if you were only biding your time
Until I figured you out.

Maybe you didn't think I ever would.
But since you claim you knew that I was in love,
did it ever cross your mind that you would leave me
guessing why I am never good enough?

Perhaps that's the one puzzle
that I'll never find the energy to solve.
I fear the answer to that riddle
could make what's left of my heart dissolve.

You may feel guilty now,
but you have promised that before.
Believing you again and hoping you're my friend
will only leave the wounds you chose to make raw and sore.

So when you start to miss me, and you see that I'm okay,
If you miss the way we used to be,
And you start to see past your selfishness
remember how you couldn't force yourself to love me.

I wish I could describe this pull you have over me
The gravitational force of unspoken physics
I am not unlike a moth to a flame
if I get burned, my irrationality is to blame.
If I don't take this plunge, I may never know
whether I was right to let you go.
You make me smile, and I feel this force gaining fast,
An intoxicating rush I hope will last.
An undeniable passion, but I know my heart cannot much further be bent.
I hope I wasn't blinded by our biology.
Let what I heard, be what you meant.

I close my eyes to imagine a day,
When my stomach won't knot at the thought of your name.
I can't help but wonder if you know what I feel,
Or if you'd care to know that the pain makes me question if it was ever real.
The thought of a day where you and I don't exist
Brings tears to my eyes, but I can't continue like this.
Because what you give is far less than what you receive,
I'd be cheating myself if I continued to believe
This was anything deeper than a deal we had made.
You got what you wanted, and I just got played.
Don't get me wrong, I know I lied to myself.
I wanted to believe you were in love and just needed my help.
But, that makes it hurt worse; the blame lies with me.
You never said that we'd ever be.
I can't even say that we still act like friends.
You don't come around unless my body's to lend.
I know at this point that I have to let go.
One day I'll feel better and have something to show.
I'm sure it sounds selfish, but I'll admit here and now,
I hope when I'm gone, you'll miss me somehow.
Maybe when I stop trying, you'll finally see-
You could have had something special If you cared about me.
It likely sounds silly, but I wish for a day,
When you'll think of me sadly, as the girl who got away.

What would they say?
What would they think?
If I were just gone, away in a blink?
Who would shed tears?
Who would feel pain?
And who would be certain,
they could never be the same?
Too often we miss the light that we bring.
I see all the flaws, every hidden thing.
I count that more worthy than whatever it is
that makes you love me.
Denial maybe? Selfishness? probably.
But that's just another failing.
I could be gone,
but I'd still be wrong.

I've never met a person who could make me angry as quickly as you.
But when I need someone to make me laugh unexpectedly- you  do that too.
Mom always told us, when we were certain we couldn't be related,
That we'd never stop needing each other. A sibling couldn't be traded.
We often joked that hospitals switch babies all the time.
But deep down I knew, that even with your very worst parts, you were mine.
It's been quite awhile since I heard you laugh.
I find myself replaying conversations wishing they would last.
Missing all the things so uniquely you
Wishing I'd known sooner that what Mom said was true.
You're more like me than either of us could have known.
Now I see that losing you is like losing my only way home,
Because I have a connection to you unlike any other.
It was unavoidable. You're my little brother.