your head is always in front of mine
you are the view blocking the moon
i feel my knees unlocking, spine unclenching
to dive into the cycles of your hair

before
i was intimate with all
i had lovers in bean sprouts, molluscks, damp winds
my days were humid with things I could see

i woke this morning under a red pillow
an arm heavy just below rib cage
a leg strewn across unlocked knee caps
i decided not to gasp

rather, i did not know how to gasp
carbon, in every single element
somehow
i am screaming at you for hiding

how did i get here?

I am scrambled
First opaque and next blunt
Made up of sometimes overlapping squares
I am an overturned river running
With a barrel of guts in my arms
I am not cognizant of rythyms
I am sloshing
When it comes up I either
Balloon into red future or
Narrow into cool stagnancy
There is not a choice to be made
But my hands are gripping at weights
I am leaning
I don't really want the moths back
But something is inevitable
At least then I will open my eyes
With a sliver of certainty
Whether this is cave or wing
I want its replacement

close. displaced.
not intended for proximity.
scented. touch like
lambs ear plants.
and. here.
how do you know my song?
not bone. not *****.
not book. not elder.
ear and ask.
sponged floor. gate.
latch. four feet.
looped finger print.
stones shrinking in size.
eyes. eyes. eyes.
table. water. sky.
avoid, retreat, return.
a new herb. taste.
how do i mix you in?
not pattern. not copy.
not stamp. not then.
salt air. tomatoes.
earth. bare feet.
i want
and i do
i think
want
but too and clock
my head and pillow
crechendos,
no not harmony, now
hands brace, i
    think you
you you you you you you you
i want
    not you
but you
   not want
but to
know every ridge
nerve, ending
   before handle turns
planted, on roof
you grow, maybe
                                i fall.

i am staring down a tunnel
at our hands
they are sealed, shelled shut together
they are sliding
they are apart
there are pearls for us both
they are breathing, not ripping

you are a love that i didn't ask for
you are too
you teeter me into sadness
you are a light i soak into my skin
i am only waiting for cloaking
i am only waiting for pale
if you were half
if you were yeast poured by a skimpy hand
i would open up like a tarp in wind
i would flow and snap, not be so territorial
you prove
i am silent
i can't throw my weight aside and dance
i have things to admire
my mother pushes me to you
does she know I won't come back?
i will stick my skull
into your chest and make a fort
i will hide and call it protection
i will become a brick

words whirl
and seem to swirl
into the smoke
that twirls above us

each sentence
lite enough to fly
and float into the sky
flowing out of our mouths

you could ask me tomorrow
what you had said today
and I could not repeat it back
but I  could tell you in a way

I could say
how you made me feel
and that the moments were too real
in a sense surreal

you sat there
puff after puff
some how peeling
at my bluff

revealing
a piece of me
i forgot could even be

You do this thing
Where you look at the side of my face
Or some other random part of my flesh
When I am speaking

I know you are listening
And if I catch you
You look away sheepishly

At first
I thought you to be socially awkward
But then I became extremely self conscious
"Do I have a blemish?"

Then it occurred to me
That you were doing the same thing I always do
Taking a person in

You were memorizing every part of me
And branding it into your mind

And in this moment
You transformed in front of my eyes
And your insides seemed to spill out in front of me

I understood you
and accepted you
and you were beautifully ignorant
To all of this occurring right before you

And that made the realization all the more enchanting

we wake in a puddle of our own sweat
feet still stained black from the pavement
as the box fan in the window glares

you look at me hanging upside down
off of the top bunk
and I laugh
thinking of a human race made of people with upside down faces

you and I go into the bathroom
and put the water on
pretending to brush our teeth
all the while climbing up the door frame
in a competition to see who can reach the highest point

we finally rush out the back door
the sun kisses our freckled noses
and streaked blonde hair
mom say's we are summer babies

these are the days we live for
and they are the ones that seem to last the longest
we talk about how lucky we are
to be born of the best season of all