Dull frost
Blind Neon
Bite my neck
and drag me
unconscious into
the paradox
of your experienced chaos

I might squint
I might clench a shy fist
but I assure you

I
wanted
this.

It took me
two friends
in a be it
empty campus parking lot
to realize what life is
with all our fading chews
I write.

Dear you two,
We are now 40 years old
Ambiguous
Forgiving
Changed
I feel like I did when I first saw you

Thanks for showing up
Like you did
All those years before

We need not carve our promises and stories
Because you are here

Dear you two,
Laying in front of me
I am
Overwhelmed
To reach out and hold you guys
by your waists
like we did
when we could.

It's different now and we're
okay

07/30/16

For three weeks I avoided Social Networking
It would always make me sick to my stomach
It was a plague I agreed to
So that’s what the terms and conditions were for!
A waiver for your time
A waiver for your soul
It was that we blindly agreed to sell
Personality and Self- Esteem
Trading it for likes
Just a few minutes ago I changed my profile picture
Someone liked it
Well ****

I try to start things
Unattached
Simple
Believing that if I set a pace
Those things can be as right
As plans should be right
And that I can leave
Whenever I want
But
Because
Aggregations that stop me from
What was once simple?
I have fallen
Deeply
Aggressively
Into this
I’m walking with two left feet
And time has blurred out the numbers
And arms that are stuck on 2 in the afternoon
Oh the Convenience of love and illusion
But then I blink and it’s 12
And I’ve felt too much

Nothingness makes nothing
That’s why numb artists die stale
Alcohol and Drugs
It’s cheating
Forcing neon when you’re really pale
We fought
And that’s what I did
I convinced myself
That you were distant
And the explosive apology
Had reached me in a far compass
I was at awe with the darling pastel
Because
I was sure it started from something more
I was just too far away to see from the center
It’s the illusion I tempted myself into
I made something out of nothing
I didn’t want us to grow stale
And I didn’t want to cheat
And I didn’t want to have to introduce myself again
So I accept your apology
Alright?

I’m afraid
That you’ll wake up one day
And remember
That you’re in love with
The next girl who
Broke your heart
I stood by the door long enough
To know that you’ve answered
Her familiar knock
I’ve stood by long enough to know
How to be when that day comes


My luggage is set
But I’m not ready
To say goodbye