An unease, the vibrating,
Restless shifting,
I do not know what I want.
I thought the questions to be
Asked, were "Who am I?" and
"Where do I come from?", but
Too much time has passed, and
Too many false starts, and
Too many dead ends; I am
Filled with doubt, trying
Everything and giving up on it,
All I want is to know once and for all,
"What do I really want?"

I think you do not recognize it
For you have become used to it,
And internalized its patterns.
Everything is falling apart,
But not simultaneously,
And at different rates;
So you may pretend
To find stability
In the rhythm
Of failure.

At the center lies not the
World tree, holding up
Everything,
But instead a vacuum, into which
Rush the broken pieces of things,
Torn apart by the
Centripetal force
Of a chronic
Absence.

After the deluge, the waste; or rather,
The wastes, the
Mountains of *******, of
Detritus,
Bits and Pieces of the
Disassembled past,
Presented now in
Disordered heaps that
I tread upon carefully, ever
Watchful of sinkholes.
The horizon shows
No end yet, merely
Silent noise.

What's that? A
Glow on the edge, with
Smoke rising cloudward.
Renewed hope,
I trudge forward
Through the waste. Alas,
Disappointment awaits,
Since I have only found the
Sacrificial zone.
Cinders and ashes,
Bone and smoke,
The engines and the
Hidden furnaces where
Our erstwhile
Commodities were
Forged. Now spewing forth
Chaotically, yet no less
Uselessly than before,
While the former things,
Divided and mute,
Serve still to distract.

Turned and twisted out of shape,
I stagger away from the inferno,
When I come face to face with another,
My eyes staring into hollow sockets.
What apparition is this?
It's bony finger points the way
To a hollow opening.
I emerge into a
Vast cave,
Illuminated,
Where cloaked figures are
Conjuring up new forms
To replace what remains of the old.
"Is there no escape
From the wasteland?", I ask.
The solemn figures continue,
Mournfully,
Seriously.
The apparition returns,
And tells me it is I who
Perceive things wrongly.
The wasteland is my mind, it says,
If I did not earlier see the
Enchantment,
I will not see it now.

The rain
Washes away the colors.
The bright ones,
The dark ones.
Let it dry, then
Begin again.

Either I will
Be very good
Or very bad;
In my middle ground
Lie burnt bridges
And sunken ships.
One shore or the other
Is where I will land,
I refuse to drown
In the waters between.
Others have built
Makeshift rafts
And occasionally,
Large boats, on which
They peacefully navigate.
But this I scorn.
Though the horizon shows
No evidence of any other
Feature but endless water,
The isles do exist,
And I will not rest
Until I have found one of them.
I hope it is the better one.
But I have lived
Many years now,
Having spurned
The floating comforts
Where others gathered,
And can no longer guard against
The temptation of dry land
After a lifetime afloat.

Don't hold me in!
The sun is coming out!
Let me see it one last time!

There is another way!
I know it!
There has to be!

A way without pain,
Without  hurt,
With boundless happiness.

But I know it, don't I,
This way.

It has always been the simple way,
But not the easy one.

Is it too late for me now?
I have been down all other roads,
But sit locked up now.

Can you free me one more time?
Can I have one more chance?
Can the right way be my way?

Pull it out, ******!
The well is nearly empty,
We want to get all the water we can.
We must be quick, we do not want
To share it, little that we have. Don't complain,
Or else I'll do you in too. I don't care
About you or the others, I want
My own water.

When the sky burst, and
Black fire rained down,
The whale dove in,
And I went with it,
Through the swarming waters,
Above the flaming forests
Of swaying kelp.
I brushed past fish,
Great and small,
As we reached for the
Shining pearl hidden below.
The light closed up above us,
I held my breath,
Reaching out near the surface,
Till I could wrest the pearl
From the grumpy octopus's arms.
I gasped and let the whale
Catch it in its mouth,
Carrying it to the surface
As I floated down below.

Dazed and bleeding, I'm all
Crazed; I'm not leaving, you're
Calling me, I ain't listening, I'm
Out and beyond now, I'm
Out of reach and you all are just
Out of your minds if you think that I've
Said what I needed to, it doesn't mean that
Just coz I peed my pants when I saw my face,
That I'm gonna stop and leave this place,
You're mental, It's not me; It's you, you all, you
Told me when it was over that my
Time's up and hauled me over
The edge, it's too late, can't just go
To the ledge, must wait for that
And smoke the fear right out of
My eyes, till you look into me and I, I
Look into yours, you and me, we
Have the life (we have life) and the flesh and the blood, and just
One thing more, and that's
Why we're here.

Do you want to live?
Why, why do you want to live?
Why drag around this piece of meat,
Spending all your energy to keep it
On the brink of death, to keep it
From falling over?

When you stand off base
And let the winter cheer in,
While the trees dance
Their merry dance, and
The wind circles round in glee,
Remember this moment,
When all was wonderful,
Remember it for you and me.

Words, man!
They don't know how I feel!
What I say comes out all wrong,
Those little devils arrange themselves at will!

They know how much I need them,
I'm a slave to them, chained to them.
I try to talk without them, think without them,
But I just can't get through to you without them!

Is all hope lost? Can I say no other things?
But wait, I know ... I know I can feel without them!

So I don't have to tell you how I feel,
I can just show you.

It's funny when people think
I make up the stuff I write,
As if I sit around choosing
What happens next.
Or maybe it's scary,
Or maybe it's embarrassing,
Because really all I do
Is writ down what I see
When I close my eyes.

Write on,
Right into the night, whether
Right or left, whether
Right or wrong, it's your
Right to do it, and you're
Right to do it, so never fear, just
Write on.

Write!
You lazy, you ignorant, you ****** fool, write!
See the storm that rages!
Turn your eyes downwards, below the surface,
Look to the depths,
See the forces that give rise to forms above!
Then look within — you are not!

Hey man, you want the money,
Why d'you have to play this game?
Why pretend you don't need it?
Just admit it, you love it,
Love the thought and the feeling of it,
Love the things you'd get,
The way you'd feel,
The way you'd want others to feel.
Why lie to me, why lie to yourself ?
No one's gonna give you a medal,
For persisting in this pretence.
So you better be sure
About what you want,
Or you'll be left, in the end,
With only your holier-than-thou.

Traveling down yesterday's roads,
In rocking carriages filled with happy people,
While a ticking sound ticks away beneath.

Dark clouds with silver linings
Retreat into a golden sunset,
Past the horizon of my
Less luminous past.

I ride, though uncertain
Whether I am passenger
Or cargo,
Being chained to the seat
For my own safety.

Traveling through time
Requires caution,
Nearsightedness, and a
Generous suspension
Of disbelief.

If you knew that you were the problem,
What would you do?
If you had to get rid of your self
To fix your self,
Could you ?

It was seaside along the pier,
When I said, "hello, long time no see!"
A cap emerged alongside her,
I turned and let them be.

Later, I looked out over the railing
To see them lying out on the sand.
"A pleasant time to be sunbathing",
Said the woman trying to hold my hand.

I nodded and then left her there,
Following them as they returned.
I should've stopped; I'd someone who cared,
I didn't need to make a point.

But I couldn't, I wouldn't, I just walked on,
And as their key unlocked their door,
I entered; I pushed them in and shot them both
And then I shot them some more.

Chaos now. "What was the point?"
"Take him away." "We're done. We're through"
Don't you see, dearest reader,
I just had to **** them two?