I don't know where all this came from.
One moment I was a hungry, eager kid
With his life before him,
And the next I was a stuffy old loser.
Cramped in by his things,
Cornered by his possessions,
Shuffling along in his manacles,
Seeing the world in slow motion
Through his blinkers.

Floating with the leaf,
I reached at last the
High point of the current,
After which came the dizzying falll
Down, as the wind died,
And the golden light
Rose up to meet me.

They had come, all of them,
Answering the call of the gleaming
Spire, mounted atop the tallest
Tower. They stood in
Ordered rank and file, gently
Vibrating to its command, their cortexes
Humming in accord with its
Pulsing stream of information. They
Each had eyes but did not see, they
Each had ears but did not hear.
No, they had long ago
Judged far better the sights and sounds
Fed to them. Those who refused the
Implant were cast aside, being
Indistinguishable from that vile, that
Beastly, that ***** place outside called
Nature.

This day, taken in and of itself,
Was a great day!
Maybe yester-day wasn't so great
For my yester-self, but that's ok;
It was a different person.
I got my day and it worked out well,
I end tonight, and hope the
Person who is my tomorrow-self
Has a good day too, and like me,
Doesn't worry about the
Other days of
Other people.

Before you can free yourself,
You must first see your prison,
Learn its shape and size.
The way out is easy, a
Hole in the wall; but
You won't make it through
If you don't open your eyes.

Watercolor trickles in from the edges of the window,
Smudging out the clear sky.
I flee the angry bucketfuls of oily paint,
That splash and smear the smooth floor below.
Finally I can run no more,
And I am pounded into red, white and brown,
Adding to the beautiful photograph below me,
Stretching out to the horizon.

Pitter patter
Cough cough
Pitter patter
Slow down, will ya?
Don't go that way!
Wait for me!
That way is bad!
Please listen to me!
Pitter patter pitter patter
Oh all right
Just slow down at least, all right?

I haven't written for many days now
I've been gone, somewhere, somehow
I've failed, in a way, to keep on writing
I got lost again, in the day-to-day fighting
And wore myself out,
But it wasn't a waste
Coz once again I can taste
The bitterness
Whose only purpose is to light a fire
That obliterates my procrastination and desire
And makes me want to come here
And throw out all the garbage, and all I hold dear,
Till I'm left with nothing, but that's no loss;
Writing every day is the secret sauce
Of life and love and happiness, so
Peace out, everyone!

I saw my shadow fall
on a small pile of pebbles.
They were wet.
Then I walked on, and they
shone in the sun.

I'm not
Interested in the
People who live their lives
As zombies,
Go to work, go to school, go
Shopping, who live
Without feeling,
Without curiosity.
No, for me, the
Wounded people,
Those who spend their days
In a haze of
Incomprehension, trying to
Come to terms with their
Thoughts, their actions, their
Feelings, which though
Denied, bubble up
Continuously, and sometimes,
Break through.

Pick a number,
pick a moment,
pick a memory,
pick a thought.

These are all the same.
There are just as many of each of them.

They are just as close to each other
and just as far apart

I clearly don't want to die,
So I need to crawl out of this pit.
So ***** you all,
I'll see you on the other side.
That is, if you make it too.

These eyes, and
These hands, they
Tell me, I must
Change
My life.

The plant that walked,
I have seen it.
They say it was uprooted, but it wasn't.
As the shadow of the tower grew,
It followed the sun to a better place.
Though whether its roots moved and carried it,
Or it pushed the earth through its roots,
I could not say.

This is my life,
This is my log,
Of everything I do.
It's not quite prose,
So I can't call it a blog ...
But I still throw everything in here;
I should call it my "Plog" !

Was I running or driving,
Or was everything else speeding past me?
I saw streaks; thin lines and thick ones,
Punctuated by gaps and other lines.
I felt faint; all emanated from some
Fixed point
Where the parallels meet.
Was I heading towards  it,
Or we're they coming forth from it?
What was it ?
I stopped and floated.

Poles apart, they circle the same star,
Whirling and turning furiously,
Yet predictably.
One good, the other bad,
One dark, the other light,
As day and night.
I broke the balance; I tried
To get rid of the bad, but this
Was unwise, and I lie
Con-fused and fragmented,
Waiting for two bodies to
Coalesce again, and resume
Their perpetual dance.

Ten years ago,
We built our worlds,
One for each dream.

And set then afloat,
Each with its shining happiness,
In its own way.

Till one by one these bubbles
Were pricked, and
I was drenched
In their debris.

Now I fashion
A single new world,
And sail on.

In memory of the note
In the bottle
On the beach
In the sand
Behind the rock
After I met
The beautiful girl
Under the trees
At noon
While the breeze
Swayed the leaves
And me
On the day
In my life
That I would most
Like to forget.

The slow falling rain of water
Drops below the enduring
Reign of words.
One pelts, drenches, slushes out all,
The other penetrates and hold captive
Long after the remnants of clouds
Have withered away.
Impaled thus on words you seek water
In the growing cracks of the parched desert.

Recessed hollows, within the
Ridged and furrowed tree, with its
Rotting bark, its thorns with no
Remaining bite, its fallen leaves
Raked to a neat pile, and
Rocked now with the
Repeated blows of a dull axe.

I have not been faithful to reality,
I have been running from it.

Pretending,
That what is true, is not;
That what is not true, is.

This has many reasons, many causes,
All rooted in the past.

To continue means to wait for
Crises of increasing magnitude.
I can either face things
Voluntarily, or be
Shocked, repeatedly, into realization.

Many reasons, many excuses, many
Allegations of unfairness have been
Put forth by my mind, to
Prevent me from taking the
First step out, to
Keep me stuck,
Keep me trapped.

To move forward means
One, and only one thing:
A commitment to reality.

Ooh, I told you, didn't I ...
... but you wouldn't listen!
The cycles of time march on, they do,
Days, and weeks, and months at a time.

You're left reeling, wondering, staring,
As your phantom plans unravel.
Don't make these plans, I told you,
Don't fall for wishful thinking!

Yet it felt convenient at the time,
To deny these uncomfortable facts,
That gnawed at the edges,
Persistently. And so you
Brushed them off,
Distracted yourself
With Toys.

Now those distractions have faded,
And it stares you in the face;
What will you do?

I slipped
In a puddle
And crashed
Into someone
Else's reflection.

It's my fault,
Of course,
But I don't see
What I could've
Done differently.

I thought I did the right thing,
So what does that mean?
Either what I thought was right
Was the wrong thing,
Or I was wrong to want
To do the right thing.

Down over the horizon he went,
And her eyes followed.
To want lost people to return,
To want lost things to be found,
Is to wish to be the centre of the universe,
A point to which each falls back,
Its energy spent.

Hey you! Yes, you! It's me and I want
My life back. Look it's been
Ten years and I made a mistake then and
I see it now.

I don't want this life I have, please
Please can't you take this life
From me and sell me another one?

You gotta do right by me, you can't
Just cheat me like this, you think
I'm gonna put up with this ?

I can't go on with this one, look I'm
Making the best of it and all but c'mon !
You must agree this can't go on!

I want out, mister, and you better listen to me.
I've been good to you and followed your ways
And now I expect you to
Return the favor. Is this too much to ask ?
Can't I get a second chance ?

You can't hide from me behind your holiness,
You can't turn away from me now!
You better listen to me, 'cause if you don't make this right
I'm tearing this whole place down right now!

It's ok, don't fret it, I ain't greedy,
I'm lonely and I gotta be that way and I know it,
But all I'm asking for, really, is a single moment,
A single moment of complete happy-ness, that I
Can stretch like jelly to wrap everything inside.
But my warning still stands, and you better heed it,
I know what's due to me and I know that you know it
Too, so don't ***** me over because I'm not gonna
Go out with a whimper if you try to *****
Me out of the bargain that we made a long time ago,
And you know and I know you do,
That a lot has happened and I've held up my half,
So you better hold up yours too ...

Oh quit
Your whining, you whiner, you
Poser, you think you suffer alone ?
Why, look around you, don't you
See there is suffering in the world, you
Suffering fool!
Don't you think if you wanted
To be happy, that you'd
Do it already,
Why should you get anything more
Than anyone else? Isn't
Everyone the same? Aren't all unhappy ?
You wouldn't be happily unequal so
You're unhappily equal to all,
This is what you wished for
Most clearly. If now you find
Your aims at cross-
Purposes, am I to blame? I who
Merely make all your wishes
In their glorious entirety
Come true?

I concede that I
Need not be happy;
I concede that I
Might just be lonely;
That might just be
How things are.
That might just be
How things will be.
But my words still stand;
I want what's due to me.

This is *******.
This poem, that is.
It's *******.
I'm *******,
You're *******,
It's all *******.
Ok, fine,
I take some of it back.
You're not ******* :)

Pounding legs
Hammering knees
Numbed toes
Fading strength
Blurred eyes
Dripping hair
I ran

The preset grooves along which I now move
Both fascinate and terrify me.
I wish madly to change course,
But I cannot stop wondering
Where I might end up.
Thus dazed, I roll on.

A wet machine encased in skin,
Eating, Pooping, Sleeping all day long.
I meant to describe my baby,
But am I any different?

Say what you mean,
Do you mean what  you say ?

Say what you will,
Do you will what you say ?

Say what you want,
Do you want what you say ?

Say what you need,
Do you need what you say ?

Almost had it,
I was clean again.
Got a prayer, got a mantra, got sober again.

But that was yesterday,
I ******* up once more today.
I broke up, broke down, gave in today.

I don't wanna believe it, i thought I had it.
I was feeling good, wrote a diary entry for it.

Can't give up, I've ruled that out.
It's really very tempting though, to take that route.
Got to pull myself together, and just try, try again.
Can't let everyone down, that's just insane.

But what about how I feel? I'm not happy here!
And really this is the thought that defeats me here

And brings me down and weakens me,
Destroys my immunity,
Till I just can't see
Right from wrong,
What's here and what's gone,
Till I just can't care anymore,
Like ... Who am I doing this for?

... unstable it was, so I retreated to a corner,
Not wanting to be tossed around like the
Bits and Pieces that flew around me, making me
Duck for cover and carefully look around, to
Find what I came for.
But no, not today;
Not in this dream.

Lower your voice
Shut your eyes
Slow down time
And then see it

My shadow by day
Shows me the way.
Can your shadow hold mine's hand ?

It looks at me, I cannot hide from it.
The rains wipe away my footprints
But they cannot hide it.
That only the moon can do, by its absence.

I know that it is
My slave, to move as I move.
But I have forgotten this.
Perhaps on some occasion, by accident,
It seemed for a moment
To grow or shrink on its own,
To move,
To make me move.

I have since forgotten, and now
Trail it where it seems to go,
Stopping when I cannot clearly see it.

A different shadow,
Moved by someone,
Comes into view.
I can look up.

My shadow by day
Shows me the way.
Can your shadow hold mine's hand ?

Don't look at me like that
You don't have to be all stunned.
C'mon, relax, breathe a little,
The bullet wasn't even in the gun!

Busy, busy,
Keeping busy,
Always running,
Desperately fleeing
That awful, awful
Silence.

Don't pull me back to
Sleep, I have no wish to
Revisit the same place, too
Scary it is for me now, too
Hard it is to see now, to
Feel again, to
Know again,
What it was like.

I frantically work myself
Into wakefulness.

The shaking, stirring, vibrating snowflakes
Hurt my ears but please my eyes,
Melting, falling, coalescing, a
Snow angel in sweet disguise
Waits silently behind the snow storm;
Raising slowly its feathered wings,
It gathers its stolen, silky due.

I kept
Putting off
Life,
Until one day
It had
Passed me by.

If you're happy and you know it
Clap your hands.
If you're happy and you don't know it,
Get some exercise, get some sun.
If you're unhappy and you know it,
Do the same.
If you're unhappy and you don't know it, please do nothing.