Fat and lazy I gave become,
With fat and lazy thoughts; what
Lies beneath this guarded self-deception?

Ooh, I told you, didn't I ...
... but you wouldn't listen!
The cycles of time march on, they do,
Days, and weeks, and months at a time.

You're left reeling, wondering, staring,
As your phantom plans unravel.
Don't make these plans, I told you,
Don't fall for wishful thinking!

Yet it felt convenient at the time,
To deny these uncomfortable facts,
That gnawed at the edges,
Persistently. And so you
Brushed them off,
Distracted yourself
With Toys.

Now those distractions have faded,
And it stares you in the face;
What will you do?

It's comic and tragic,
The cycles,
The ups and downs.
Sometimes the devil wins,
Sometimes I do
(But usually it's him).
I'm tired of these
Unnecessary spells of
Unceasing torture, they
Leave my
Body racked, and
Levy a terrible toll
On my mind.
"Crack!", they say.

You feel when you should think,
And think when you should feel;
No wonder you're depressed.

I awoke; I had dreamt
That I had lost it.
I looked for it but did not find it.
It was not where I had last placed it.
I diminish every day without it.
If you find it, you may keep it.

If I didn't talk in my sleep,
You'd never have found out.

No more time to stand and stare,
A growing awareness of the wear and tear
Inflicted on my mind and body with each passing day,
I move within the confines of my life,
Sandwiched between the roses and the stone.