Been in bed all day, coz
I've got the flu,
It's no picnic,
Let me tell you.

The only upside
Is to let your thoughts float
With the fever a river,
Your mind a boat.

I am cursed;
My wound is larger.
But therein lies also
My blessing, for I cannot
limp along like everyone else.
I must heal myself or die,
There are no half-measures for me.

Trying very hard
Not to over-think
While the lack of action
Brings me to the brink.

The long stretches
When I thought I acted most freely,
Is when I most lacked passion;
For the instant of liberation
Cannot be repeated.

A great wind, like a sandstorm,
Blows through my life,
And I try my best
To align with it.

A short glimpse of a disembodied smile,
A run through tall grass,
A sheltering under dripping trees,
A long series of furtive glances,
A rising, a tripping, a tumbling,
Quick snatches of non-solitary
Wandering; these are the
Fading contents of my
Mind today morning.

I have not been faithful to reality,
I have been running from it.

Pretending,
That what is true, is not;
That what is not true, is.

This has many reasons, many causes,
All rooted in the past.

To continue means to wait for
Crises of increasing magnitude.
I can either face things
Voluntarily, or be
Shocked, repeatedly, into realization.

Many reasons, many excuses, many
Allegations of unfairness have been
Put forth by my mind, to
Prevent me from taking the
First step out, to
Keep me stuck,
Keep me trapped.

To move forward means
One, and only one thing:
A commitment to reality.