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Kendra Feener Feb 2014
I know I'll always remember how it feels to love you
Because I thought of you when I looked at the stars
On their most memorable night
what a vivid soul you must be in order to be compared to something as wonderful as the sky.
February 26th, 2014
12:32AM
Kendra Feener Feb 2014
Last night you came to me in my sleep,
You told me you wanted to try something new.
I told you I could learn to love anything you decided to do.
You held my waist, and kissed me sweetly.
I giggled in your ear.
Drunk and clumsy from your touch,
As always.
You were so beautiful,
As always.
I could of sworn it was real,
But it was just a dream.
And I awoke this morning,
With a feeling of a thousand pounds laying on my chest.
And you were in your own bed,
Somewhere not so far,
But not near to me.

Last night you came to me in my sleep,
I climbed next to you,
And rested my head into your shoulder.
I said,
"I know I was supposed to stop loving you a while ago,"
You sighed against my neck,
"But I never did."
I was too shy to kiss you,
As always.
You were so beautiful,
As always.
I could of sworn it was real,
But it was just a dream.
I awoke this morning,
With the feeling of a thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
And you were in your own bed,
Somewhere not so far,
But a life time away.

Last night you came to me in my sleep,
You sat very close to me,
But only for a moment before
You told me you had to go.
I asked you why,
"I need you to chase me now."
The look on my face must have explained my uncertainty.
You said,
"I'm ready for you to come after me."
Frozen with confusion, I watched you walk away.
Getting your head start with a smirk on your face.
I didn't really understand,
As always.
You were so beautiful,
As always.
I could of sworn it was real,
But it was just a dream.
I awoke this morning
With the feeling of a thousand questions screaming in my head.
And you were in your own bed,
Somewhere not so far,
But far enough to make catching up to you
Difficult.
you visit me in my dreams, darling.
and even there, your answers are unclear.

february 25, 12:48am
not really sure how i feel about this, dreams are weird and hard to write out.
Kendra Feener Jan 2014
if there is anything that is unfair, it's the way my eyelids twitch restlessly desperate for sleep while my brain refuses to be at peace. and my lack of ability to deal with my feelings in ways other than these nonsense paragraphs, that have an endless amount of errors, that i dare to call poetry. or how i am unrealistic with myself. like when i think that my favorite flowers are the purple pansies i used to plant in my grandmothers garden when i was a little girl. but those flowers wilted and her garden was dug up when her house was sold. those flowers have been making my stomach turn and causing me to choke back tears since the year she died, when i was just thirteen. those flowers remind me of lost things and aches in my heart.
but there are may flowers, which only come once a year. and with them come new beginnings and fresh starts. and every year i wait through the april showers, and they never let me down. they remind me of patience and that good things come in time, and even the greyest of days can lead to something beautiful. they remind me of hope.
if there is anything that is unfair, its your eyes. because your eyes remind me of may flowers, and may flowers remind me of hope, and hope is a four letter word, but so is lies. And hope only comes once a year, and new mind sets only happen in may. but your eyes are there in january, when i'm supposed to still have a four month wait for my hopeful new start. and in september, when my new start isn't so new anymore. your eyes are like may flowers that never die, and  may flowers that never die remind me of hope that never dies.... and hope is a four letter word. and so is lies. and so is hurt.
but so is love.
and maybe i'm being unrealistic with myself again, but that's the word i'm going to go with. because love reminds me of better days and better days remind me of you. because days are always better with may flowers and your may flowers never die.
jumbled thoughts.
January 29th, 2014.

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