it was hazy
but i felt his touch
like trickling water down my skin
he looked at me like i was someone shiny
the faint flicker of reality
the drifting of fantasy
awake and alone

i hate the dreams of him
they remind me of
his eyes
his hair
his hands

yet they are not mine
his eyes
his hair
his hands

i wake up hollow
desiring someone i've never had
and the emptiness is tangible
it leaves me missing someone i've never had

and after all that time
you were still there
and i still loved you

are you happy?
like truly happy
like dog peeing of excitement happy
like stomach hurts from laughter happy
like seeing your food arrive at a restaurant happy
or are you sitting with your friends feeling alone
are you dismissing your dreams
i wonder how people see me
am i worth more than this
am i worth less
am i settling

he was a second behind
she was a second ahead
the clock watched and laughed
as two lovers
never met