It is not dark here.
Nor is it light.
I'm waiting.
The second hand gravitates upwards
and time never takes a ten.

Red.
A burst, a glimmer.
A wisp of what it's soon to be.
Enough to catch my eye,
I regard the bright light.

It grows.
A second passes
and it begins to encompass
my entire world.
It breathes a yellow light.

Upon me,
And it's warm.

Picture white sheets
Your hand running up my back
my skin against yours
As I undo each button with determination
My hair caught between our lips.

Nothing gets me quite like
the soft echoing of your breath against my jaw
(And mine on yours)
Your soft cheek close to mine
As your heart begins to beat quickly.

Each movement of your body
Drastic or minimal
Is a shock
Yet the transition
Is no distraction from my nails digging into your skin.

And if I could I'd wrap you in forever
And see how long you'd be content
In my arms
In my mind
In my heart.

We're racing with no destination
Growing warmer as time lapses
And it's all a dream I'm sure
A recurring sensation.

you're the chucks i lace up on lazy days
the sun permeating the back of my head
the spoon surrounding my body
and i miss you when we're apart.

but it's so much
at once
all the time
you.
sometimes i feel like time and space closed in so quickly
because all i see is you.

in the dark
your delighted smile when i fall back into your arms
the little mewling noises that drop when i kiss your cheek
(and your neck, and your lips, when i caress your face)
and it burns it burns
when you're inside me and i don't think i can take anymore
but you're there above me
wanting-needing-loving.

i can't control the words that float through my head
each drawn out stare
soft giggle
you know there's something going on in the back of my mind
and you don't take my resistance as an answer.
my needs, wants, the pining thoughts that circulate
you want to know everything.

and how can you understand me so easily?
how.
it frustrates and fascinates me
pleases me
that you just know.

when your hands dig into my hips
and your teeth dig into my collarbone
i don't know what else to call this
but love.

you say love isn't defined
it's just a feeling.
but i feel so many things
and not all of them last.
not all of them are deep and undying
and forever like you whispered to me last night.

over-analyzation
makes me question
our declarations.

i just know i
need you so much closer.

soft and fragile
in the slightest sense
riddled with freckles
his heat penetrates
every pore.

blue and green watercolors
dance around me
and i know in these moments
i belong
as he encircles me unbeknownst.

place every trouble
upon me
and i'll wish them away
kiss them away
blissfully.

gather up each
anxiety that plagues him
and never let go.
his head cradled
and my heart in hand.

do you see it?
the light that surrounds
the blinding prisms
that encase him?
he is the light at the end of every tunnel.

past discretions
have led us to present dysfunction
we built the foundation
but somehow lack of communication
nursed me down the stairs and i fell deep
(emotionally and literally).

you're stuck in limbo
between my heart and your hands
if you could only grab hold of what is yours
hold tight
we could both survive.

surgically connect the unconnected
and correct what's been infected
the pain in your voice will simultaneously seal
heal and re-open
the wound i've dug in your mind.

i still have your skin under my nails
do you remember what life was like before
everything you didn't want to hear was voiced?
before i won your heart
then crushed it with lust and regret?

i bought you a rose garden
full of hope, kind wishes, i'm sorries,
and love.
i'll prune every bud until my soul
bleeds and washes it all away.

There is no light here,
no color,
only vibrations.
the feel of my arm
moving against yours.

my body is a temple
and the movement flows through me,
as i sway like
cool grass during summer nights,
the only thing grounding me.

there are no words only sounds
swift and direct.
i can feel the tempo increasing,
heat possessing me,
the air thickening.

do you know me like i know you
feel me like
i breathe you
need me like
i exist for you?

five more minutes,
five more hours,
five more days,
five more seconds,
with you (it's all i ask).

cradled against you.
how much closer
can we get?
the space between
seems so vast.

and yet you feel
like warm sand
molded to my body,
just so.

your fingers
layered with mine,
and your moist breath
falling over my neck...
light filters in and feathers float by.

proper verbalization is impossible when all emotions build up
into a castle of nothing
where all i'd like to do is throw you down a spiral staircase
and leave you there to decompose.
my heart is a tomb and i've dug you out.

so young, and willing
to go along with all requests
and just believe there's love where there isn't.
misty led me to the fishbone dreamlife
and i let myself get lost among the ribs.

your ribs.
they're bruised.
when you laugh you ache
when i push you burn.
and now the thought of you in pain isn't in regret, nor delight, just apathy.

i once was a chain smoker.
one after the other,
and i'd come back later for more.
but there's only one cigarette left
burned down to the filter and i don't want anymore.

of course, i'm rather fickle so generally i'll go back for more
but is it out of genuine want
or addiction?
do i stay in this bed of tobacco
locked in it's embrace out of habit?

could i walk away?
can i?