taking forever to open up and even
longer than that to close
it scares me how much she knows
here the truth comes here the truth goes
     here i am sought for sad
doubly ***** prose
can you tell me again how much she knows
    
as she watches onward i float off ****** propriety
      i am a ghost coming through the drift of society

does she wish
she could chain me here
does she wish she could change me here
i am a ghost stepping through
a different body

to myself i cannot be recognized.
  through things i love i remember myself
i see trees i see a breeze i feel
and conclude that
i am a person of ease

then i see spurting
silver
smoke
      and remember another part
of me and hope
to God it's not from another thing that I broke

she looks at me and I already feel what she knows
you are a breeze and fire as it blows
                 through a different body
       and it steps on my toes
tough chalk take it easy with all those throws
tough chalk take it easy on the hose
      why was she the one you chose
// // here she confesses to be a concept to expose
// //   here i confess to already know
// //  here she deviates from
internalized dialogue rendition
lending me renewal in my own special edition
          here the deviation is turn that suffices
                        to scare all existential devices
kiss the existential murmur away
here she faces me to colors parts i used to call my favorite of the day
    till she comments on the fact that i didn't notice they were gray
here she fills here she pours here i am floating on her insistence on coloring with elemental cores
here is a gas that makes me feel more lighter than higher
        here she gifts me brighter day
better ray. does more than she will ever say
not to be pathetic but i'm definitely hoping that all this coloring could forever stay
though i love her enough to send her away
     but  beautiful fire don't put yourself out don't
put yourself out. don't show me what's brighter
then gift me a lighter
then put yourself out.
 here i feel the reach here i feel
a gentle tug and it's
good for me, i can tell.

here I am laying in a light painted on for me
      and I am so happy to be living off a dream

performing live in this city here I am performing
live in a town
old lady don't tell me to come down
here I am learning names of
a crowd

I'll die before I lay ties to it and I'll live before I lie
to it

this is when survival feels tempting

but I shouldn't let a dream take me off another
if it was my dream to never be a bother
if it was my dream to lay low and live wild

It's 7 o'clock on a Thursday night,
As I write this letter,
I write with fright.

I am torn between what I have to say,
What I want to say,
And what I'm going to say.

I crumple the paper,
I toss it away,
There isn't anything worth it to say.

It's 9 o'clock on a Thursday night,
I am starving for love,
A faux appetite,
All I can write in cursive loops,
Is a "goodbye for now,"
And a "goodbye forever."

i. worry;
buries itself deep beneath my bones
  sends shudders down my throat
plants a cluster of
        mines on the tips of my feet

ii. fear;
lingers longer than i would like
    beams and shines with a blinding light
manifests itself in the
         otherwise empty hollows of my soul

iii. change;
stands outside my curtained windows
  challenges the way i think and act
threatens to intrude at
             the most unexpected of times

so you put your face close up to mine before
your eyes flashed a little wide
before you said hey let's go inside before you said
hey it's warmer in here before you said
why don't you have a beer
before you said all of this
        your eyes flashed a little wide.
so i guess that's when i should've known.
but as i felt my hand grip over my phone
i realized how badly i had to be done with the trust games
you said i knew so much better than to trust old flames
and you're a new thing. up and away
cupid's a shooter till this very day
and you were excited for me to
learn what would happen if i did it your way

you were excited for me
to finally see what was on the other side of this kind of fear.
so i let you be and i let me be too until my
fingers loosen and i don't even have my
thumb on speed dial anymore when our eyes finally lock again.
somehow i just
know this is a bad idea but at the same time it feels like
something i should've done a long time ago.

i don't know how to talk to you-
      i don't know where to start with you,

i thought this was a ship
       worth sailing

"dreary weather
        no match for us"

then,
      it started hailing

you took cover
     hid from feelings
of doubt

i put a shield  
    between us

i only wanted
     to protect you

or at least make you feel
      just as i had
  with you

no calls
   no texts
between us

a clean break
    with a messy outcome

avoiding you everywhere
      so you'd forget

no

      this is not a letter to you
merely an adieu

     i'm posting this on your wall
           to let the world know
        how people can fall
                     in love
               and out

we wounded up here
    on an island of fear

our ship had long sunk
      all our treasures
in its trunk

the ocean washing
    away our sandcastles

leaving a salty foam
       in its place

i dream
    of you from time
to time

you were a drink
    i liked
             for a while

a summertime destination
    an iced-beverage infatuation
    
                and

in case you were wondering
         your taste
is lime

you have a bathtub for a bed
    hairbrush as a mic
no roof over your head
    go everywhere on your bike

wall for a friend
     stone for a sole
running water is merely Godsend
      being materialistic was never your goal

i offered you money
                          love
                            ­ companionship
but those offers fell to the floor

"i ain't no charity,"
and you were already out the door.

before i roll on my back and say
do you miss it already
the quiet and the empty
the light without the heavy
the move without the levy
are we going to ever go back

I know I shouldn't say that
it's a boys job to hold the girl
and the girl should be held.
I shouldn't even be saying "boy" and "girl"
when there are those that aren't.
But ******* baby I feel so wrong
asking you to hold me.