I don't think you quite understand
temptation
until you've broken out in a cold sweat
trying to ignore the call of
that which makes you forget.
until you've gouged your palms
with sharp nails
resisting your stomach aching for something;
anything.
you don't understand what temptation can really do
until you're standing on the edge
waiting for that final breath.

He told me no words could ever amount to my beauty
I told him to try
He stumbled and stammered and finally gave in
"There's something truly extraordinary about you, no words will every compare."
and that day I learned how to love.

funny isn't it?
how we try so hard to be someone we're not,
and yet at the same time attempt to find ourselves.
funny isn't it?
how we expect those around us to be truthful and honest,
and yet we ourselves distort the truth time and time again.
funny isn't it?
how we wish on every birthday cake and shooting star for a perfect life,
and yet all we really want is a little happiness in this dark, lonely world.

there will always be someone
prettier,
smarter,
nicer,
happier,
better,
than you.
and I don't yet know
how to accept that.

I couldn't tell you
what perfection is.
For every time I try,
my mind closes its windows and locks its doors,
frightened by the concept of flawlessness within a single person.
I could, on the other hand, list the many things perfection is not.
perfection is not twirling a blade between your fingers, wondering where it will leave its mark next.
perfection is not buying shirts 4 sizes too big to cover up what we think is there.
perfection is not tilting back the bottle again, promising yourself that it is the last time.
perfection is not the face I see staring back at me each and every day.

once I saw a girl,
with long brown hair and red wrists.
and I thought, how could someone so beautiful be so troubled?
once I saw a girl,
with deep blue eyes and no strength left to stand.
and I thought, how could someone so weak ignore what will make them strong?
once I saw a girl,
with scared wrists, slumped against the bathroom door.
and without thinking,
smashed the mirror.