at 2 am,
i feel tired and self-aware
i lie on my bed and i stare at my ceiling
i am thinking about you and me and
how much i love myself

i like that i can hold my arms out and have the gap between my hands not be large enough to answer the question, "how much do you love me"

there’s a sharp pain in my neocortex
at two in the morning,
an octopus slaps me in the face with one of its tentacles and tells me
“get it together”
i stand outside with you on my doorstep and i tell you about the octopus
you stand there
silence bounces left and right in your mouth and i ask if you like the way it feels
“it’s okay”
a sharp pain in my neocortex forces me to kiss you
my tongue scoops the silence from the inside of your cheek
i giggle
it ricochets off the roof of my mouth and you laugh
i spit it out
you ask, “tastes funny, right?”
i say, “you said it was okay”
you say, “i tell you a lot of things are okay”
i say, “right”
it snows a little bit and i go inside
you come inside
an octopus swims out from under the couch and slaps me in the face with one of its tentacles

on valentine’s day, we felt alone and sad
i went to your house and we put our faces together
and maybe our mouths touched but you spent a lot of time
complaining about how no one wanted to date you
and i said, “i’ll date you” and you were like, “not you”
and i was like, “???” and we put our mouths together again

had a dream you and i were sleeping on the same bed
i don't think we were touching but we were facing each other
it was dark and scary
your eyes were closed and my eyes were opened and i thought about moving closer
, putting my head to your chest
i remember your skin, it was sweaty it looked sticky and i think i may have actually scooted closer
, rested my forehead to your body
you weren't awake and i was sad and i just wanted you to look at me

in my dream, i woke up the next morning and you were gone
i checked the internet and i couldn't remember your name
either that or you had blocked me on facebook

at 3 am on a monday we sat on a roof and we pretended we were in tokyo
and i reached over and took your hand in mine and i said
"i want to be walking with you downtown at this time"
you said "me, too"
and we looked around the sky and saw the reflection of city lights bounce of the sky
our legs hung off the ledge of the roof and they touched when we swung them
it was good and nice and a car drove by and i thought
'i would be happy to die right now'