On the floor, on the door
On the library's padded chair
Why are these things moist?
What did I just step in
Why is my sock wet now
Where did that spot come from?
These are things that actually
I don't care to speculate about.

I am fond of "Spackle"
and all "ackle" words.
That makes him cackle
and it tickles my tackle
I scream like a grackle
and my ******* crackle
which raises some hackles.

I hope she body-checks your heart
And leaves you feeling broken
I hope she jogs a jaunty jig
Upon the remnants of your ego
Makes you feel confused and lost
And wondering where you can go
The answer is straight to hell.

There you were on your camo Kawasaki
Riding leathers on, in racing position
Pacing the metallic beige Subaru
Pacing the vintage blue Volvo
Pacing me, in the back seat,
Hungover.

Put on some ******* sunscreen,
white boy
Put on some ******* sunscreen
now.
Your people are fragile flowers
you need

protection.
Pull up your ******* pants,
white boy.

Not even kidding.
I have been in the throes
of a sort of mid-life crisis,
because I can't have
any more babies.

I ******* LOVE BABIES

My best friend is pregnant
right now. Soooo pregnant.
It's ******* adorable.
And I, I am unable to have

ANY MORE BABIES.

BUT I LOVE BABIES.

No ****, you guys,
I really like to have babies.

I am *******

GOOD AT HAVING AWESOME BABIES.

My ****** was like
baby ******* paradise.
And I just had
a miniature midlife crisis
over the fact that
I had to use the word
"was" right there.

If I still had that ******,
I would be forced
to use multiple layers
of protection
to ward off fertilization, and

MORE BABIES.

I LOVE BABIES.

I can gestate like a *******.
Oh wait, maybe
more like a ****** mother,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

******* BABIES!

And when I give birth,
I do it kamikaze style,
with only a couple minutes
notice for the attending physician.

BLINKED? OH NO, SORRY
DR. *******,
YOU ******* MISSED IT!

Back when I had a ******,
like last year,
I was fertile
like a thing that is incredibly fertile.
You had to put an army
between me and my ******,
or some **** would go on
and I would be all,
oh! A new kid!
That's inconvenient!
But man,
you know,
you birth a child,
it's insanely difficult
on a level incomprehensible
to anyone who hasn't done it,
you work through it.

And then ******* hell,
you're the mother
of 3 teenagers
and your very productive
****** is all

*******, SERIOUSLY?

And you put it out of  
your misery, and then,
a few months later,
you think

it would be nice to have another baby.

When we were 25
all night was eight minutes
Now that we're 55
he really means all night.
Pass the ****, baby
I'm getting chafed.

Cuddling after ecstasy
the sheets are soaked

Baby, you're a squirter?

Nope, just incontinent
good thing for bed pads.

Dancing with you
last night was fun
we must dance again

With fewer clothes on

Horizontally

Oh yes! Sweaty
summer dancing.

Under a receding hairline
His blue eyes charm me
gazing up to meet mine
gray moustache mingling
with my silver ***** hair.

You watch me
as I undress,
and your body
writhes with
pleasure.

With each garment
that I remove,
you grow closer
to the exquisite
ecstasy

Of being a dog
curled in sleep
at the feet
of her sleeping
mistress.

"Hello,"
said Charley,
the elder of the two.
"You may wonder
what I am doing
in your lavatory."
"Oh, there you are,"
said the younger
"I wondered how
you had left
so quickly."

My heart pounds for your smile, Dogbreath
I like you more than a ****** likes ****
you may be family and I may call you bro
but it’s not ****** when you’re a Juggalo.

I’ll never forget the day that we met
one kiss and I wanted to be your Juggalette
my passion for you burns like a thousand suns
it can’t be contained even if I were restrained by nuns.

My desire for you isn’t even satirical
if you think about it it’s kind of a miracle
drawn together like magnets – how do they work?
and the way you touch my **** drives me berserk.

You wrangle records like a big money rustla
I like Lady Gaga and ain’t much of a hustla
I was born this way, but my heart can grow bigga
if you’ll take my hand and say you’re my *****.

Sweet girl.

I mean that.
Not in the condescending way
that people so often say it in,
but in the same way I say it
to my hellbitch of a daughter;
she is my very valuable
sweet hellbitch girl.

A year of no is painful,
but what it does is invaluable.
It teaches you to protect
your boundaries and to respect
your well-being
above the delicate feelings
of people who don't really matter
in your life.

It teaches you
that you can pull through
all by yourself.

Write something down
where you can see it;
Even if this seems silly,
just do me a favor
and write it,
so that you can read it
and repeat it to yourself
often:

I will do it by myself.

My dearest Darling
Daddy,
My heart yearns for you,
You make my heart pound.
You'll always be in my heart.
            Two
Let our | hearts beet as one.
Be still my beeting heart.
You stole my heart.
My chest is an empty Shell
only your heart can fill.
Eye heart you allot
                            Heartfelt
<3 4ever, youre  Secret
                            Admirer

I'm starving to death, Daddy,
wandering around campus
with nothing to do for an hour.

I just went into the sketchiest
sketchy-mart in the city,
and they have chorizo chipotle
corn-nuts. I didn't buy them.

Daddy, there's this creepy guy
here. You know how much
longer you're going to be?

I am acutely aware that I
changed tenses in that story.
It is better for me in past tense;
his face was beautiful.
I know that he will not
talk to me. Not until
his time frame has come out.
I don't know what that frame is.
But I know him,
and that there is one.
I still love him.
It defies what I know
about the love mechanism.
It defies my past experience.
It is not unlikely that we
will not speak again
until I am over him,
and it is possible that
that will be never.

I remember when we used to ****
your long fingers rubbing my nub
and sliding into my wet ******

Oh Daddy

How I miss you!

I encountered him last night
I think I handled it well.
I was with a group of friends
in search of the gallery my friend
was showing in.

I'm staring at storefronts,
and suddenly aware that
I am facing someone familiar
12 feet away. He was in a restaurant

with a girl, facing the window.
He came into focus and I
realized who I was looking at.
As awareness crept into my face
he nodded at me. I smiled,

Raised my hand in a wave,
Turned
and walked away.

I think I handled it well.