You helped me with my calculus,
And told me about tangent lines
Which meet for a while,
Then go their separate ways

In biology you gave me a microscope
Showed me a piece of my hair, and said
“See, these ends are where my fingers get stuck.”
And proceeded to tell me how our bodies
Are constantly changing, making new cells

You even knew some psychology
And explained why I felt butterflies around you
All those neurotransmitters bouncing around
Making me happy in the presence of you

You showed me so many things
I thought you could teach me anything
And be the answer to all of my questions

You never taught me what to do in your absence

I want to be the kind of girl
that people fall in love with
The girls with the pretty smiles
Fixed on an even prettier face
And laughs that echo through dreams
The girls with elegance and grace
Who are just needy enough
Without being annoying
Who are never sad, never jealous
Secure in who they are
Girls who can dance
Who the in-laws adore

I’ll never be that
My smile is awkward, just like my laugh
But they are genuine, I promise
And I look pretty, some days.
I can be needy, but I just miss you
So much, I can’t help it
I let my jealousy and insecurity
take over sometimes
And I have two left feet
And your parents don’t like me
Because I’m weird
And I’m not the kind of girl
You’ll fall in love with

There are some thing I wish
That I never knew
Like the secrets of your past
The smiles shared with other people
All the laughs you had
And the lies you told them
I wish I never knew
What it meant to miss somebody
Or what your hands feel like
Intertwined in mine
Your lips still linger here
I wish I never knew your taste
You were always so honest
But what I needed was a lie
Because the truth cuts like a blade
Gently slicing at my skin
And I didn’t want to know
The nicknames you shared
And reused with me
The songs that were yours
That we danced to together
I wish I never knew love
Because then, at least,
I couldn’t miss it
I couldn’t feel lonely
If that’s what I’ve always been
The thing I wish I never knew
Is everything about you

She is stained glass
glass is easily broke
broke like mirrors and feelings, easily shattered
shattered with every choke

He is ***** soaked breath
breath that whispers angry words
words spoken in the heat of the moment
moment when her shouts couldn't be heard

She is white lace and lullabies
lullabies you sing to your child at night
night is a demon when you're always afraid
afraid of what has happened, and of what might

He is hands-to-throat and fists against faces
faces that smile one day and the next day scream
scream that next time, next time will be the last
last times never come when you're too afraid to leave

If you do fall in love
With somebody else
That's okay
I'd leave me, too

Tug of war
One pushing, one pulling back
Monopoly
Who has more property?
Jenga
One false move, it all falls down
Clue
What are you hiding?
Poker
We can lie so well

Our love is a game
Whoever falls in love first, loses
Do not pass go
Do not collect two hundred dollars

I wanted you to love me.
I thought maybe if I dressed nicer, put my hair up the way you like it
Stopped being so weird and socially inept
Read more books and learned how to cook
It would make you love me more.

“Don’t ever change,” you told me.
But I thought I could see that really, you wanted me to
So I stopped smoking that ***
And I got myself a real job
Thinking it would make you love me more.

Never thought I was good enough
For someone like you, so I put on more makeup
Stopped hanging with those losers I called my friends
Lost my weird laugh and stopped making bad jokes
Thought it’d make you love me more.

“I used to love you,” you told me.
“But I don’t know who you are anymore.”

Anyone else would believe you were real
Your green eyes lighting up as you laugh
A laugh that fills the entire room
If I weren’t so cold, it’d warm my heart

All those pretty words that pass your lips
Anyone else would believe you were real
But I know you’ve used them a thousand times
Your beautiful words are so contrived

The electricity of your skin on my own
Tracing your fingers up and down my back
Anyone else would believe you were real
You radiate heat, but I’m still so cold

I pity those who fell for you
I almost wish that I could too
But time has turned me to a cynical monster
Anyone else would believe you were real

You do not love me
You simply love the idea
Of someone you can control
(Or, at least, you think you can)

You do not need me
You just need to be needed
By another human being
(But you won’t find that here)

You do not want who I am
You want who I could be
Who you could mold me into
(Don’t hold your breath, it won’t happen)

You came
You saw
You did not conquer
(You only think you did)