I've only been good at logic puzzles
But this is a puzzle I can't get
These little ones that rattle in a box
And sit on my shelf, simply untouched
Those put-together puzzles
With the frustratingly beautiful blue sky
Frustrating because somehow it all fits together
But I can't tell if this is a cloud
Or a bird
Or maybe dust because I haven't touched it in a while.
It'll be a pretty blue sky and field
With pink flowers and red trees
So maybe it's late autumn
Or fall accidentally forgot it was supposed to be spring
But either way its frustrating
Because there aren't any solid lines in this puzzle
And I can't deduct any solid answers
So I do the only thing that seems somewhat sane
I give up
I put the box back
To let the clouds collect more dust
And let the lines on the pretty red trees
Become more indistinguishable
I put the box back so I can pick it up later
And hope that maybe next time
The lines will be a little more clear to me.

Stupid Kohl's commercial
Poking fun that she's not here
It'll be a lonely Christmas
Without Mrs. Claus this year.
They decorate the woman's house
With golden garland, lights
Hang the diamonds from the tree
For when she comes home that night.
It's like they knew she wasn't home
But I guess her home is now up there
She can celebrate with Grandpa now
I just wish they were still here.
No more Santa ornaments
Or stockings hanging low
No more fruit salad parties
Or reindeer food  in the snow.
I can't seem to fathom it
That I must make another wreath
That this year you won't be helping us
No more Christmas specials to see.
So when I have the jingle bear
And I play the song for kicks
J-I-N-G-L-E Bells
I'll cry at the memories that stick.
I really love the holidays
I'd love them more if you hadn't gone
Enjoy your Christmas with Grampa, please
And play me the jingle song.

A little heart inside of me
I keep it tucked away
Beg and plead
On ****** knees
Just hoping that you'll stay.
A fighting mind up in my head
I know that it's up there
Try and try
I memorize
The wish that you would care.
And tiny legs that carry me
Deeper into your hold
Red stop signs
And tear streaked eyes
I know I should have known.
Thin, small arms I have right here
That don't accomplish much
I lift the weights
You throw them down
And I still wince at your touch.
Meager curves I wish were not
Places, yeah, I got it there
A weightless thing
"The Skin and Bones"
But I'm still caught in your stare.
The darkest eyes I try to hide
And theirs- the lightest blue
Just not the same
I cannot change
The eyes I see in you.
Visual things, they matter much
Inside it matters more
I guess it's fine
Its gone with time,
Isn't personality a bore?

There's this burning light inside of me
The one they try to dim
This same light that wakes me up
And keeps me tied to him.
But like the anchor that holds my ship
Keeps me held up to the ground
Is the same anchor they've buried deep
Put to sleep without a sound.
This boat has sailed with the light turned off
This keeper is asleep for now
Your ships can do without the house
Just stick your sights up on the bow.
So when your people crash and burn
And you're lusting for my light
I guess you'll wish you had it back
Before you put me out that night.

We mill around
Just walk and talk
Meet and greet
And "I miss you!"
Hugged each other
for much too long
Overlooking the elephant in the room.
Pictures shared
Hellos, goodbyes
"Oh dear, I love you so!"
We laugh and cry
Avoid closed eyes
And ignore the elephant in the room.
Groups together
Sharing, staring
Forgetting why they came
Push it back
And out of their minds
Just forget the elephant in the room.
The reunion goes
Just well as planned
Cards and flowers
All dolled out
Show your respect
And pay your dues
All because of the elephant in the room.
Walk out in step
A pretty little line
With tissues and people in tow
A reality check
For the comfortable ones
By yours truly, the elephant in the room.
Sick of flowers
Of hugs and sorry,
Don't forget the pity, too
A little reunion
For the ignorant ones
Who are too scared of the elephant in the room.
Come home sick
Empty and shallow
Shaken and rocked to the core
Left too soon
Well- you did, not them
It's just that dead body in the room.

And then it all started to happen
With the sickness and the stroke
And the long
winding
stupid road
That I would take to get you out.
And after it happened those silly roads
Decided they wouldn't guide me anymore
And my long
winding
stupid feelings
Weren't really mine anymore.
And while we were driving out the driveway I'd known
Where you stood out the window and waved
And the long
winding
stupid driveway
I realized I might never see again.
And I have your class ring on my bony hand now
Where I can't tell if it's '57 or 2
And the little
gold
stupid writing
Makes me feeling the guilt of having not asked you.
And I'm afraid to put the annual flowers out now
Where I'll see the dates go through 13
And the long
winding
stupid dates
Are really the saddest I've seen.

From the golden streets of ancient Greece
To the cobblestone in Italy
These crumbling walls are breaking down
And open to set me free.
I want to leave this decrepit town
These weak and feeble streets
Escape the horror of my ways
Running too fast for my feet.
Maybe visit the Grand Canyon
Get back to New Orleans
For my cousin and her new baby
Drink in all these sights to see.
Michigan's pretty, but Flint's getting old
This ****** and crime needs to stop
Among all the violence and tragedy,
I've been clawing my way for the top.
But it's hard in a place so sad and angry
Where nobody seems to care
That's why I'll leave when I get the chance
So I can say I won't be returning there.
Please put the address on my box
And label it 'away'
That's the only place to go
Here I cannot stay.
I'd be leaving precious memories
Goodbye to summer, too
Maybe I'll find a better one
Or find a different you.
See ya to the teachers
That put me on the way
And adios to the people
That didn't tell me to stay.
I'll come back and visit
One day when I've been far
I'll have stories for you
Via planes and trains and cars.
I'll come see a football game
With the band I used to be
Reminisce on falls together
And call you up to see.
Because maybe you have left here too
You have the same old dreams
We were so alike, you know,
Wanderlust lovers, it seems.
I'll finish up what I have here
For now my dreams will wait
Get out and see the world with me
It's a chance I have to take.

You know the rags and riches
I went the other way around
I thought that I could handle it
I wouldn't make a sound.
And I thought that it'd be okay
If you loved me more and more
But I wasn't good enough
And I guess I was a bore.
But today was her birthday
The first time she wasn't here
You couldn't have picked it worse
To tell me, 'Just move on now, dear'.
So when you told me, I sat and thought
I've lost everyone so close
That I ***** up everything
I'm not fine, nobody knows.
I was eating dinner with my mom right next to me
Said 'I'm not feeling right'
"Oh, you'll be fine honey."
sigh Nah, this'll be a long night.
I crawled up in my bunk
To sit, lay down and cry
Repeated bad mantras
About how bad I want to die.
"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry,"
Oh, I said it a million times
I'm sick of all this now,
Just hoping I'll be fine.
Trudge into the shower
To wash sorrows away
Play some music loud
Maybe forget about the day.
"Things are getting weird, things are getting tough
Nothing's making sense but you keep on looking up
They tell you to be true, you're trying every day
You keep it on the real, still you gotta find a way.
To make your mama happy, to make your papa proud
You gotta turn it up but all you hear is turn it down.

Sometimes I wanna cry and throw the towel in
They try to beat me down but I'll take it on the chin
And everywhere I go the people are the same
They just wanna know that everything will be OK.
Things are getting rough, turn it back around
You gotta turn it up when they tell you tone it down."*
With this song on repeat
I work it up to say
To tell you I'll be done
And that this is the final day.
I have a few kind words
After one long horrid time
I mean the kindest way
*******, and in the worst kind.

Can you be my addiction?
My morphine, take my time
Can you take away the pain for me?
Addiction, will you be mine?
You feed the fire more and more
Keep me coming every day
Make me think you left too soon
Then turn around and stay.
Really, I'm pathetic
Needing this here to survive
I wake up wondering my next hit
Counting down till it arrives.
Speed is overrated
And crack is pretty lame
You're the one that's selling out
Your drug is this cities' game.
I've been trying out some dealers
But they never fit the bill
Their high just isn't as good as yours
Doesn't quite get me over the hill.
I'm taking myself to the ranch today
To take some time and gaze some stars
I'll leave you home, babe, not right now,
This retreat is pretty far.
As much as I love the hit I get
And calling you my own
I've got some courage way down deep
Thats scratching to be shown.
My reliance on you will be no more
I'm cutting loose this grip
My addiction, darling, my morphine
Has become one bad acid trip.
So I'll lay here and stargaze now
And these will be real stars
Not the ones created by your hit
My addiction is near and far.

These old memories that stick like glue
Bonded like some impossible atoms
Are flowing in some unstoppable rain
That never leaves but tends to stain.
These old songs I hear again
The ones I skipped on 'shuffle'
Are playing and I hear it now
The lyrics haven't changed the style.
These pictures that I throw away
Old pictures that bare your face
Are ones I cannot bare to see
In these pictures I don't see me.
These old shirts I've come to hate
Shirts that held one special date
Are rotting in the trash bag now
Your memory just makes me smile.
These old memories- I remember them
I realize now I'm free at last
I don't have to just live them anymore
These memories- well- they make me bored.
This wasn't a love song, no, not today
I'm better off without you, babe,
'Bestfriend? Sister!' Oh, such a lie
I hope one day you will realize.
You'll see me soon, out there, famous
And you'll be stuck in the clouds, dazing
Remember that when you miss me, dear,
Those memories are all that'll be here.

So in the end
These gates of white
Never could be darker
Roads to Hell
All paved in dirt
Is showing now the power.
And all my life
I've led the way
Kicked the rocks under my feet
Leading them
In streets so hot
The end taking them to meet.
These pearly gates
That laugh at us
These sinners, cold and weary
Hang our heads
But still we walk
Because I am not one for caring.
Hell is warm
But we are hot
Guess the killers a tan
Floating clouds
Above the sun
May not even get the chance.
And now I can't finish this poem
And maybe I will later
But I can't finish this poem
Because I don't know where I was going with it
Because the tears are refusing my view of the screen.

She's got something in her pocket
It belongs across her face
She keeps it very close at hand
But I fear it's been misplaced.
Lately, I can't find it
She's lost it since, it seems
The smile of her Brownie days
When she was young it gleamed.
Little girl with butterfly pins
Her pink dresses and toes
Is now the older, different girl
With deep dark nails and clothes.
Little girl with changing mind
Well, that may be true today
But the little part is long and gone
Now she's got more to say.
She thinks about the world right now
How it's all so sick and old
She understand how people work
Without having to be told.
She tells you what she thinks right then
And stresses all too much
She misses how the old days were
Even though she's young and such.
She's lonely in a different way
Where the people are still there
She's sitting around her favorite ones
This feeling is not rare.
She had something in her pocket
I hope she finds it soon
I want to see her smile  now
I want her to feel new.

One in the morning and I can't sleep
A billion times I have closed my eyes
A couple of shakes and I try to escape
But time has me, I sit and realize.
I focus on the clock that sits
And stares me down like a lion
My eyes are dry and I'm tired, I feel it,
I squeeze but I really can't start crying.
Time ticker strikes two and I yawn pretty big
I lay down so I'll be sane in the morning
But I guess sleep was not quite my motivation
Because I find reality, really, quite boring.
Quarter to four and my mind is a bore
I still sit and question my size
I'm small and mortal and dying, I know,
I'm nothing compared to the skies.
But the time is going, it still bores on,
It rambles like my thoughts on this night
And I won't go to bed because I know it won't stop
Clocks don't freeze at the first sign of life.
We're caught in the spiral that I've come to get
So I spend all my time imagining it gone
But here on this morning, when five rolls around,
These thoughts are not leaving at dawn.
I was thinking that maybe if I think hard enough
If I think all of these problems right through
I'll understand why I'm insane in this way
And why the clocks don't even care if there's dew.
Closer to six and my head hits the pillow
It's not time that I've seemed to understand
I really get, now, that I've been thinking too much
And I'm truly on the underhand.
I'm come to terms with the fact that one day
I'll just be words and thoughts and 'remember her's
My legacy will, one day, not exist
And my ideas will not be much of a blur.
I'm starting to see, as it's now seven o'clock
That the clocks are simply running the race
They're in the lead, slowly beating me,
Time is just the subject of the chase.

It's been raining- never pouring
And the young kid stopped snoring
This time when he went to bed
No bump on his head
And still didn't wake up in the morning.
It's been sprinkling- slow and steady
And the young girl is tired already
Today's been tough
She's had enough
And she didn't want to wake up in the morning.
It's been snowing- soft and dreamy
And the little boy's cheeks are beaming
His snow filled clothes
His happiness shows
And he couldn't wait until the morning.
It's been sunny- bright and shining
The old man lays outside, reclining
His wife is happy
His grandchildren are napping
And he was excited to play with them in the morning.
It's been cloudy- the ground is foggy
The young kid wakes up feeling groggy
His dreams were bad
The worst he's had
And he's glad he woke up in the morning.
It's been chilly- always lovely
The young girl wakes up comfy
Her bed's the same
She's taking the blame
And she's happy she still woke up in the morning.
It's been pouring- hard and fast
And these people's lives all match at last
The weather changes
Their lives cover different ranges
And their all happy for the morning.

Daddy, you look sad today
Is it something that I said?
Did I make you mad when I spilled the juice?
I'm only being a kid.
Daddy, please don't yell so loud
The neighbors might hear again
I promise I won't ask to play
I'll just go to bed.
Daddy, what's been wrong lately?
Why are all those bottles there?
Let's go outside and make you happy
You don't even have to braid my hair.
Daddy, why don't you say it anymore?
You love me when I go to sleep?
Can't I make it all better?
I'm sorry mommy isn't with me.
Daddy, what's that noise I hear?
I hate to see you cry
I'm running to save you, quick as I can
I promise I will try!
Daddy, what's that thing you have?
The metal is black and cold
I've seen that thing out on the streets
It's a sad thing I have been told.
Daddy, what was that loud noise?
And why did you go to sleep?
Why did you say I love you, goodbye?
When in the morning you'll see me?
And daddy, why won't you wake up?
Please, stop lying there
I'll try and carry you to bed
As long as I don't stumble on the beer.
Daddy, I wish you would wake up
But I hear nothing from your heart
It's just like mommy when we saw her
Please, I don't wanna be apart!
I'm sorry you weren't happy
And you said it's not you, kid
I want you to know you're always my dad
And I love you no matter what you did.

Have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Have you drowned in empty lately?
Did it beat you till you're blind?
Do you trudge along these no-name streets
With stores robbed like your heart?
Did you visit there where you grew up?
Did you think about your start?
Did you pass the house of your old best friend
Who grew up and out of you?
Did you think, one day, that you did that?
That you forgot about him too?
And did you walk into an empty school
With drawings on the wall?
Did you see the children all went home?
Notice the system fall?
Did you feel it all just wash away
Like the sand at your favorite beach?
And how empty were you when you saw
That young woman no longer wanted to teach?
How lonely were you when you heard
The sound of silence fill the streets?
Did you sense the houses left-behind?
Hear no children's feet?
Was your heart so broken that you didn't get
You weren't alone all along?
Did you get so sad that you forgot
The sound of the people's song?
Have you ever felt so lonely
In a place you know longer know?
Have you understood the pain
It takes to feel so low?
Do you know you're not alone?
You know the kids aren't at home?
Did you see the streets are buzzing now?
Not what your emptiness has shown.
So have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Well, I'll have you know that it's no more
That it's all just in your mind.

I'm a little under the weather, it seems
I even had an apple a day!
But no amount of painkiller or Motrin
Can take this pain away.
You see, there is no antidote
For this little disease of mine
I guess I'll do what my mother says,
"It'll heal in time."
I've become so sick with a broken heart
And I ran out of bandages and gauze
I called the doctor a while ago
Began the dreaded ring ring pause.
"Listen, doc, I'm sick- ya see?
I've got this hurting in my chest!"
He didn't offer much advice-
"Stay home; just get some rest."
It's difficult to do sometimes
When your heart no longer beats
All you do is feel the silence
Just eat, sleep, breathe.
Now I'm a little more than under the weather
No, try six feet under
My little disease was hurting me
Why I didn't get better, I wonder.
You see, my heart can take so much
Before it crumbles, breaks, and cracks
Heartache comes in many forms
But there's only one that lasts.
So that's my story of health issues
The tale of a broken heart
A little ballad of medicine and pills
That I have needed from the start.

So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
I carry with me some clothes and toys
And baggage you cannot see.
Understand, sometimes, I get so sad
So low I cannot get back up
So buried in hopeless thoughts and dreams
Drowning in pointless stuff.
This is the reason I'm alone right now
In a room full of people by myself
This is the reason I am leaving today
For more than the reasons I can tell.
And hopefully this baggage I have
Has made plans for not coming home
I really don't want it following me
It's his turn to really feel alone.
So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
And then I remember it's a beautiful life
And that this is not what I want to be.

Never have I been so sane to realize
I am so insane that I am the only one to see
That this insanity is what makes me sane
This person I have come to be.
I've unlocked the key to an x-ray machine
And I can see all these broken, cracked bones
I held this here picture to the blinding light
Society is what I was shown.
And I am insane because these powers I have
Are blessings and weights in disguise
Because I understand these broken up cracks
That people have hidden from our eyes.
And I am insane enough to think it will change
Some cement and maybe a crutch or two
That a cast can mend up such a sad little world
It can change because I have thought it through.
I am sane enough to come to terms
With this is a world that a splint cannot fix
We live in a place that is too far broken and gone
We're too far insane in this mix.
And I am sane enough to figure it out
That I am merely one singular soul
A singular, broken, and determined little girl
That's insane enough to make the world her goal.

Sometimes I like to make toast in the morning
Veering off the path of sugary flakes and dried out vegetables
To remind me of how simple people can be
But have a world of open possibilities in front of them
And to also remind me
That I need to be more creative than to write a poem
About toast.

They're lurking in the darkened depths
In the spaces you don't check
The alleyways that seem so empty
Corners you so often neglect.
And you've never really heard them
All they do is and whisper and cry
Around the street lamps, in the kitchen,
You can't see them with the naked eye.
So here they are, these creatures,
Please don't ever call them close
Turn around to finally catch them
And you miss them by their nose.
Get up every single morn'
Away from the lurching, dark night
As they retreat to corners somewhere else
Fast with the approaching sunlight.
As you mope about your useless day
You hear the voices coming again
Can you get away like they can?
They're stepping closer every time
Coming nearer with every call
They're looking every second for you
Coming closer with every near-fall.
They're ghosts and ghouls in hiding
Here to make your soul finally hear.

And now, my friends, I'll tell you
How these creatures have gotten to be
And I'll tell you now my secret
This game you played with me.
They made me spread the word to you
That their existence should not be overlooked
They wanted to make their presence known
But I needed to keep you at the books.
Just take my words and read them,
The beginning word of every line
There's my message, take it to heart
Get away before they have your soul, like mine.

We're a mix of impossible genetics
Pooled together by a simple 'hello'
Two souls took the impossible chance
Thousands and millions of years ago.
So somehow the ******* the earth
Somehow said hello to the boy
And somehow millions of years ago
There began the story.
Along the lines of romanticism
It goes back to the beginning once again
Veering off the path of moonlight nights
And love is created in vengeance.
See, it all boils down to the simple hello
In a language known across all the seas
Had Fate not stepped it and drawn them
Well, maybe, we'd all never be.
Even millions of years ago, love ******
Hasn't really changed much since then
But these words that I write express much more than love
Express more feelings than written in pen.
So long ago, or in land unknown
It might not have gotten started like now
But everyone shares that one common thing
Much more love than our bodies can allow.
Across the world there's this small little light
This little light that can somehow poke through
And it's this one little common light in us
That bonds strangers like me and like you.
So take the chance like the first ones did
The first ones that said it so long ago
Buck up, my darling, muster some courage
Walk up there and say hello.

All the spoken words I've ever heard
And every journey written in pen
Gorgeous conjunctions and beautiful sentences
Are one combination of a 26 letter alphabet.
We are a mix of A's and T's, C's and G's
And not just the mix of scientific bases
But the actual letters make up a person
With a personality and a body and a face.
Every book to ever grace your hands
And every poem the danced in the mind
All the 'I love you's and the 'I regret nothing's
Every 'I miss you' to have been spoken in time.
We make friends with a combination of syllables
A different mix of two 'l's, an 'h', and two vowels
We end relationships with the horrible g-double o-d-bye
Quitting it all and throwing in the towel.
And somehow we overlook the simple fact
That everything we have ever been and will be
Is somehow linked together with these 26 sounds
Every fiber of our everything and piece of history.
So that little song you learned long ago
To the tune of one sparkling little star
Remember that every letter you know today
Makes up every fantastic piece that you are.

The empty space that sits and waits
Spaces sit so bored and cold
We left and locked up the house today
Left one way I've never known, without you.
The empty spaces on the walls
Grow more useless every day
Calenders have lost their date
The numbers are growing old (like you did).
The empty beds are in the rooms
And there's a perfectly good one
But nobody has the nerve to sleep there
So the mattress cries, and weeps- it dies (kind of like him).
The empty closets once filled with doodles
With hearts and names and numbers
The numbers from my mothers childhood
That are probably disconnected (like yours).
The empty fridge that held our meals
Endless containers of coffee creamer
And seemingly reappearing bologna
Contains just a solemn old fruit cup (kind of like us).
The empty chair that was your space
I sat in about three times today
Where you sat and we did crossword puzzles
Quiet yet interesting puzzle books (just like you).
The empty house that sits and waits
Watches the garbage bags being taken away
Watching us discuss prices and family problems
Watching us secretly mourn in our own silent way
Of cleaning out your already empty house.

Tell me now what time it is
Now I'll ask your dog the same
Not because they don't understand
No, they don't even know the day.
It's occurred to me that humans
Are the only ones that know our fate
We're the only ones that even care
Animals only care to procreate.
I've come to senses, got the math
And now I really see it all
I know exactly just how long I'll live
Know the memories I'll recall.
My fish doesn't know it's 11:32
And the giraffes don't get New Years
The only thing the rabbit worries about
Is The Turtle and The Hare.
We're the only ones that worry
About how soon we'll reach the end
If we're reaching to the heavens
Or if we'll be condemned.
It's solely us that understand
Our own mortality
Manatee's haven't got a grip
Time is our own insanity.
And if you boil it down to the very end
Ignoring all the rest
Time steals our mindfulness
He committed a real, true theft.
So now if you'll join me in forgetting
That I'm human and I will die
Let's forget that Time is really there
Escape with me, if you don't mind.

These late night poems, when I get down to thinking
More than under-the-sun dreams
I'm calm and under the influence of darkness
My ideas have been ripped at the seams.
Because right here, in the dark of the night and the clouds
I have seen when there's nothing to see
Right here in my lonesome with no one around,
I have been when there's nothing to be.
Under the sparkling ***** of gases billions of miles away
I have understood the silence and innocence
The way the stars are simple messages of being alive
I understand my mortality, in a sense.
No, I'm not taking acid or any drugs,
And I haven't even downed any beers
However, I'm under the influence of stars
Glowing ***** of gases for another million years.

I sit by myself in my bubble, alone
Sitting like this, the only way that I know
I choose this lifestyle because I know the way
A way like this will make my good heart stay.
I have watched from my house, watched the whole inside rot
While the outside stays gorgeous, the inside is not
Like a pretty cake exterior, but interior- it's mold
Everybody seeing it tricked that it's gold.
So here in my bubble is where I will stay
And here I am content to watch the children play
I stay inside to avoid the Roman Carnival
I am often compared to a bird, no, not a Cardinal.
And somehow when I'm needed I magically appear
I come to the rescue when it's danger I hear
My footsteps go unnoticed, it's silent indeed
I come out to assist when people are in need.
Other than that, I stay safe from the idiocy of this town
If there was an award for hypocrisy, you all win the crown
Your obliviousness I have not come to bare
So my innocent soul I will definitely take care.
I will not understand how you simply don't see
The man that you killed just left his family
And you're blind to the man that taught the young ones
Meanwhile you're pressing charges for fun.
So here in this bubble my residence is at
I'm making a choice not to be a victim of that
And if my staying inside just makes me a fool,
Do you honestly think that makes you more cool?
Because I know you inside- who you really are
Adults training these kids to reach for the stars
You hypocrites don't even know what to say
When the children grow up and get too old to play.
Oh yeah, the stars, you haven't touched them yet
My little bubble of privacy I am willing to bet
That you haven't even climbed outside this pretty little town
Haven't gotten better than this mold and this crown.
So continue that life and living your lie
I'll stay inside my bubble and watch the child cry
He can see the cruelty just like I can too
These children know me by the name of Boo.

I could tell you a tale of a princess
But that would be wasting your time
These sad stories and love songs
Are empty promises I've come to find.
You can tell me a story of adventure
Where the superhero is an underdog
They came up from the back roads of nothing
Nothing like 'The Princess and the Frog'.
That's got an adventure, of course, it's a shame
Don't worry, I've thought it through
But they all end with happily ever after
Nothing like me and you.
I guess you could have an ending like that
If you lived forever inside
With a bubble, in silence, no talking or games
You can't always be happy if you tried.
So continue to tell me a tale of normalcy
A tale sort of true to my life
Tell me a tale of excitement
A gun battle, a hero with a knife.
I'm not looking for violence, no
Just something other than a dress
Princesses here don't go walking around
In nothing other than their best.
We don't ever get carriages
The princes don't come crawling back
We fall in love on our own time
Get out, just cut us some slack.
Society makes us to be porcelain dolls
Just replica Barbie and Ken's
Perfection doesn't come in a box anymore
Perfection is a group of brave men.
So tell me a story of those heroes
The ones that have been though it all
Don't tell me the story of a girl and 7 boys
Tell me a tale of the ones who stand tall.
Take me on an adventure into real life
Help me with the brunt of everything
Show me a princess and prince that has fought
Not the ones who just sit around and sing.

She wakes up in the morning, undignified
The night before, she closed her eyes,
Hoping not to see light again
Wishing the future would all just end.
Apparently she's trash- been told that all her life
Burying her thoughts, layered with stress and strife
She goes unnamed because nobody asked
Wishing again she could change the past.
Throughout her life it's problem after another
Only true best friends being her dog and her brother
Even then, she was certain, they did not care
She was changing her clothes and fixing her hair.
The little girl with dolls and pink in her room
Changed into a teenager- the workings in bloom
Had to grow up too fast and learn way too much
She quivers at the thought of wanting to be touched.
Her mind has evolved into ways we cannot see
Feeling like unwanted is less than she wants to be.
She's expected to be great, given jobs, another goal
No longer independent, it begins to take a toll
Her style grows more darker, her music takes a blow
Poems, art, and music tell you more than she can show.
Imagine going swimming, strap some weights on to your thighs
Put cement blocks on your ankles, sink quicker than you realize
Carry the whole world on your shoulders
Weigh your arms down with some boulders.
Now imagine trekking to the deep and the water inching up
You're in the real world now, not swimming in the bath tub
And now you're there, eye level, staring at Death's door
Turn back around to see that there's people on the shore.
Yell and scream and shout and them, "Hey, come rescue me!"
Acknowledging your presence is all it'll ever be
They look you in the eye and turn around and laugh,
The water in your eyes is tears (at least, more than half).
Pulled farther into the ocean, crying- punch and kick
They've got to come and save you- it's just one cruel trick
But soon enough you get it, they're not coming anymore
They'll leave you standing on the porch and Death's door.
This metaphor is her own, a story that she told
And now we know she'll preach it until she's growing old
Right now she doesn't get it, no, she cannot truly see
She's stood at the porch for a while but never got the key.
Easily she'd go in, if she'd just search real quick
Barge in his door with one easy flick
Right here she is not ready, there's brightness up ahead
Slowly her arms are emptying less and less with lead.
Even when she was drowning and nobody helped her through
She swam back up to live it, to live for me and you
She swam back up for the future and artist or writer
She swam back up because up above,
instead of darkness- it was brighter.

I'm coming on back to raise the dead
I watch in the corners and under the bed
I travel by day and hide at night
Simple things drive me to the light.
You'd think that I'd love darkness, no,
You humans put on a fantastic show
And you really think that I'd miss out?
Come on, it's too funny to see you pout.
I really enjoy your tantrums, too,
If only you saw I've been studying you
You sit there and study your books
I don't make a sound so you don't turn to look.
And every time you do the simplest thing
Like laughing with friends or start to sing
I record it down in my little notebook
I will start my recipe, with humans to cook.
I'm not physically cooking, don't you worry now, dear
My full intentions are remaining unclear
I'm studying your works, every piece of your mind
Your feelings and thoughts I've got yet to find.
You're making it hard, oh, why is that so?
No harm, no foul, so far- you know
I'm still far away, I've got a while to wait
It'll take me long touch you, at this rate.
Anyway, here's my story, so listen right now
I've got more to this than I've, so far, allowed
I come out in the day so I can get closer
Follow you to work, the kitchen, even the grocer.
With every little move, I inch closer right then
And with every action, I move closer again
Cracking your knuckles or kicking a ball
I get nearer and nearer with every new fall.
I can't get you when sleeping, no, that wouldn't be fair
Attacking at your innocence is cruelty I can't bare
So I sit during the night and I watch all your dreams
Your conscience is far more complex, it seems.
Then when you wake up, I'm closer once more
On your coat tail as you run out the door
Drinking your coffee and driving to work
Hearing you sing is just an added perk.
I'm the thing the dog barks at when no one's around
They see me even though I do not make a sound
I'm that blur that is moving out of the corner of your eye
The thing that watches you break down and cry.
And when you feel watched, but know you're 'alone'
Just know that I'm with you, but cannot be shown
With every little movement, I get closer, I dare
The only thing between us now is little slivers of air.

I've been slowly coming to senses
About life and all its ways
Death and darkness, mortality
I will see the end of my days.
With this realization, see,
I'm seeing more and more
In life I've got to do nothing
But if not, it'd be a bore.
There is one thing that we all got
It's inescapable
You can fight and cry all you want
Eluding is incapable.
Someday we'll lay down six feet under
Dressed up for worms and dirt
Peaceful sleeping, no more worry
For a while your family will hurt.
There's only one thing we have to do
That's dying, there, you see,
The only thing we have to do
Is live, then cease to be.

You're the wind the blows the treetops
It rustles through my hair
The hand that touches my shoulder
Quietly, you are there.
You're the story left unfinished
A poem left untouched
For 20 years you fought alone
20 years escaped Death's clutch.
For 14 years you held me
Through plays and concerts all
You filled up puzzles and read the books
Alone, you stood so tall.
You told me all the stories
Answered that question many times
Why I never did see Grampa,
Why I never saw you cry.
You showed me all the pictures
Played Santa on Christmas morn'
We made fruit salad on holidays
You've loved me since I was born.
Not once did I say goodbye to you
See you later, kiss goodnight
I'd see you in the morning
Bananas and donuts under the counter light.
You were a genius in your own way
But never flaunted it so
You taught me games I'd not thought of
You loved me more than you could show.
We offered you a guard dog
A cat to spend your days
You never were an animal person
Dependence is not your ways.
You got home from bingo one night
Laid down to rest your head
Your sister woke to call you
Somehow, you weren't out of bed.
From then on you hid your voice from us
Never to be heard again
Tests and cards and flowers, too
Not one, not two- more than ten!
Leading up to then, you'd had enough
Enough for a lifetime, I suppose,
Because one night you took your final breath
Your cheeks lost the color of rose.
I've never been the hugging type,
And I handle sadness on my own
Crying in front of others
Is something I've never been shown.
The next week had been quite tough
But your sister was always there
Your sister, my Nana, the only one
She told us she would always care.
We said goodbye, a final one,
I tried my hardest not to cry
I'd only said goodnight my life
Not once have I said goodbye.
Sometimes I wish we got you the dog
Maybe we'd share another morn'
I love you for the rest of my life,
The one I miss and adore.
It was the night you'd not return
None of us know why
But now we know you're happy
Playing bingo with Grampa in the sky.

They're scarier than the monsters
In closets and under beds
They're more terrifying than aliens
It's the demons in your head.
They go by names, they live through masks
Come out to say hello
And no matter what drugs you take or ways to leave
They'll never truly go.
They stick around to start some fun
They're college kids at heart
Pranks are pulled, and heartstrings too
They'll push you back to start.
They hide behind emotions
Grab at the locks put on the door
Open up to raid your thoughts
Scream and cry for more.
Loneliness kicks like a child
If you put him in timeout
Anger punches if you look at him
He's set up to knock you out.
Jealousy seduces every single little thought
But looks best with lingerie
Envy kisses the tips of your nose
To set your happiness astray.
Greed just covers up possessions
He carries blindness all the time
Sadness fills you up with grey
Sits down and makes you cry.
Fear plays in dark, dank corners
Her dress has cloaks of black
Her dress spins, and with colors- twirls
Until she's ready to attack.
They've got different names and synonyms
Actually, they're all the same
Doctors call it something else
So they don't take the blame.
Just stick it to the demons
That take refuge in our minds
Call them out, evict them now
Your sanity is running out of time.
Don't worry, darling, you're not alone
They've got a hold on all us too
Kick them out and lock the door
Don't answer when they yell 'boo'.

Our failures have been turned into free entertainment
Our pain is on display
I've questioned, fought, and rebelled
They won't pay attention anyway.
Truth is screaming and burning their skin
The least noticed people understand
They've taken the whole brunt of it all
The homeless girl, the drunken man.
People that have suffered the most
People that walk to valley of death
Bystanders whose story we don't know
They watched loved ones take a last breath.
Hunger, pain, killings, ignorance
The last happens most of all
As long as it doesn't directly affect them
They stoop higher as we fight to crawl.
I've never felt so singled out
So different than the rest
But this time where I'm most different
Is when I am the best.

When you go through a loss, it's pretty different
Different in the sense that you lose yourself too
I realized what the point of having a body is
Theoretically, we could be just floating ***** of oxygen and ideas
The body is the vessel for these great ideas
And I finally believe in a soul
I believe again
In death, I have found a reason to believe.

We are absolutely infinitely miniscule
Incredible at making insignificant changes
We are great thoughts grazing the tips of greatness
Horribly brilliant, not labeled for taking
We are so secretive and sensitive
Sly secrets mixed with fatal feelings
We are superficial, skin-deep, shallow, sketchy scars
Stories of struggle and sadness and adventure
We are tissue and tears and thoughts
Made up of toughness and heavy-duty human
We are the little light whispers of lovers
Grinning when greeted from special people
We are muscles and cells and logistics in biology books
All rolled up into one beautiful ball of humanity.

Turn on the television to see families in war
All this fighting turning into a bore
What you see is a backdrop, the setup, a show
These producers are scumbags at the bottom below.
Relationships and scandals to match your delight
You really want to know what they did last night?
All of this is to fill up that useful time
Useful, I guess, but this exposure is a crime.
Do you really even care how her dress looked that night?
Is it a big surprise that he got in a fight?
Does it matter in the end that he's sold a million records?
Is that little fact really true, or just something you heard?
We're all entertainment, all actors in a way
Your life is now open and you're on display
You've entered the business, you've gotten the part
As of this moment, you're at the bottom of the charts.
But don't you lose hope, you'll get up there somehow
They'll take your normalcy and amp it tenfold for now
You're the face in the crowd until you make your name
And secretly we all want those fifteen minutes of fame.
It takes a while to get there, a strenuous time,
The prize at the top might not be worth the climb
But, hey that's your choice- it's your faults that they want
So make your blemishes pretty- get out there and flaunt.
Give them your smile, your secrets, your lovers
You can hide all you want but it's too easy to discover
The media is waiting, darling, go say something witty
Be charming, don't forget, they love something pretty.

This 'system' here- it sure is funny
They're dictators in the pursuit of money
Good teachers, maybe, but leaders? No!
They're actors just ready to put on a show.
We get up, begrudgingly, angry every morning
Acting pretty whipped on these prisons we're boarding
We've gotten all pretty, gotten dressed- the whole lot
Setting ourselves up for no life lessons to be taught.
We act on our hormones and never question why
The boys are all laughing as the girl sits and cries
It's actually pretty cruel, if you think on it now
She pulls her pride together like her strength should allow.
High school can be scary, it's rough and it's mean
Just as horrible and funny as the bullies can be
There's homework and grades and competition galore
You get called names like ugly, nobody, and *****.
One day when I'm aging and look back at it here
One day on the porch, nope, I won't shed a tear
I'll remember my pictures and lockers and books
I'll remember when I melted from just a single look.
Remember the dresses, the dances, the games
Think of my self-confidence every day put to shame
Reminisce being me and trying to be cool
Sigh as I think of myself being a fool.
Because now it doesn't matter, I'm happy and me
High school was not like the movies made it seem
The actors ran around, they sang and they danced
We never saw what it'd be like to have your house refinanced.
It was the simplest things they never bothered to show
Like writing a check or tying a bow
The little important things is what I know now
High school is a joke- I just wonder how.

I lay here now with tear streaked eyes
And with tear streaked eyes did realize
The words I speak are in my head
I'm going to die here in this bed.
He sits and waits, sits and watches
And on the glass his nails make notches
They pass the time and wait till it's right
He's going to **** me on this night.
He speaks no words and his mind is a blur
I know he moves but I've not seen him stir
Right now he's sitting outside my room
Waiting to bring me face-to-face with Doom.
His nails are long enough to cut me from there
Long enough to force me into a silent prayer
His skin is sickly gray and comes out in patches
And from his ****** scalp his hair detaches.
His body is long and very strung out
His frame is bruised and beat about
His eye sockets are a 'beautiful' scarlet
Beautiful if they weren't making me a target.
What made him stick to me is still a question
I've never even shown him any aggression
I've let him stay there and watch me sleep
But now he sits here and watches me weep.
He's my secret admirer, but no secret anymore
I thought his spirit was just folklore
Did my faith in his nonexistence make him stay?
Can my faith when he's here make him go away?
Apparently not, for now he's coming in
I lay here still with the moon showing his grin
He sits in the corner, watching me still,
I see now his teeth sharpened with a drill.
He's teasing me now, and I know this is not fair
I've got to keep quiet, I'm not consciously there
Maybe if I'm 'sleeping' he'll leave me alone
But I'm prolonging the inevitable, his eyes are locked to stone.
I'm not getting out- I've accepted this now,
But his pride in winning is not something I'll allow
You see, losing is not something I take lightly
And dying with him I will not do politely.
Now that I've seen this coming for a while
I've kept my escape hidden in a small little pile
I'm not getting out of here, and he can watch me as I die
I'd rather off myself than let him win, I won't lie.
I swallow the pills and he creeps towards the bed
He tilts up my chin and gets a good look at my head
I watch as his smile turns angry and frustrated
Because for all this time he's just sat and waited.
I've foiled his plan and I knew all along
Now I know he'll never be strong
Those shiny red eyes are the last thing I see
I've won, he's not gotten the best of me.

It's not as easy as you think
It's really one big scare.
They'll tell you what you want to hear
In hopes that you don't care.
"We're not that dumb-
At least, I'm not.
Nice try, you get me here."
But listen, man, I understand
Sit down, let's share a beer.
Let me explain- I know it all
You can't hide from me anymore
And, actually, you know the truth
Their opinions make you sore.
Not only do they say it
They marinade it- give it a coat
They cook it up all nice and sweet
Before they shove it down your throat.
You have no thoughts
You're not you're own
You're the checker in their game
Let's show them who we really are
Let's show them why we came.
Secretly, they fight to lose
And they've never really won
But have you since been listening?
They don't talk just for fun.
See, they don't wrap it up
They strive to keep you waiting
Don't worry, son, it's not your fault
It's all part of their training.
Armies are built, families- lost
They've planned it all along
They know just what they're doing
And you must decide who's boss.
Which commander do you follow?
Is it freedom, is it lies?
Have you seen under that pretty mask?
Have you seen through their disguise?
It's time to fight- the war is on
The gear and armor ready
Pick your side, just take your time
We're here and holding steady.
So it's your choice,
You've got it all-
Fight or stay at home
Just remember what they've done to you
Let's make our presence known.

If you really break it down
We're not what we think we are
You're not that girl with dreams of being a doctor
You're not that guy sitting at the bar.
We started from the very bottom
We worked our way to the top
But, seriously, is this what we've wanted?
Is this all we really got?
We're silenced, hushed,
We're told we shouldn't talk
Why question the system?
I'm telling you this needs to stop.
We're told about our rights
We're bonded but liberated
It's time to think outside the box
Inside seems overrated.
Everything is not 'okay'
Tell me, what does okay mean?
The definition isn't this
Life isn't what it seems.
You live behind a sheet of glass
Your eyes are closed and covered with wax
They stuff your ears with cotton *****
In hopes that somehow
That'll cover it all.
But don't lose hope, darling,
I know what okay means
Scrape off the wax and open your eyes
Let's see what it's like to get out of routine.
It's time to think outside the box
To question everything they've got
We can make a change
Because we are what they are not.
Stand up, speak out,
Stop living behind the walls
They can't shield you anymore
And right now they're about to fall.
Let's send them crashing
Let's make it okay
Let's gear up, get ready,
I'm ready to play.

You're 'heroes' aren't real people
They're drawings and hopes and tales
Real heroes are the ones that help
They're the ones that really care.
Now, don't get me wrong,
Superman is great and all
But he's really just a figure
Just strong and buff and tall.
Batman, Spiderman, they're figures too,
Their stories tell ones of crime
But I know some even better ones
Some stories really worth the time.
It's the kids that don't get noticed
The ones that are left behind
You can't put the name to face,
But they've been there this whole time.
Everyone comes before they do,
They're ready to make a change
They help, sacrifice, volunteer
And you always found it strange.
Does it seem so weird, now?
Have you grown up and seen it for real?
They're the Superman, Batman, Spiderman too
They're the ones that helped people heal.
Remember that day you dropped your books?
Remember when you felt so alone?
It's those kids that helped and lent a hand
They're the ones that should be known.
So next time you pick up a comic
Even you, in your growing age,
Superheroes are the ones in real life
Not the fighters on a page.

I see you in the halls sometimes
And thoughts go through my head
Memories flash, I'm taken back
Suddenly I'm filled with dread.
It's not some bad memories, no,
It's really only you
I wonder if you remember
Do you remember like I do?
Those talks we had, times we shared
Was it really just a show?
You were my friend, keyword were,
Tell me, why'd you have to go?
I miss you, dear
You're all I got
I know you're gone, and maybe you're glad
Listen dear, just know I'm not.
I lost a friend, a confidant
My very best and all
Just know I still remember
When I see you in the halls.

I was waiting to write a letter soon
The letter you'll never see
I've got it written and ready now
A letter from the heart of me.

I guess it's pretty simple
But I've never been one to share
All it has is feelings
Like how I've always cared.

I really wanted to tell you
Why'd you leave so soon?
You know, we had a coffee date
I remember it set for noon.

I never got to meet you for it
You left me on the way
In reality it's all my fault
I'm the reason you're not here today.

If only I hadn't made it that time
Maybe you'd still be here
I wonder what you'd be doing now
We'd still be together, we'd meet there.

But this letter had my feelings
The ones I know I should have shared
And now you've moved up higher
You should know that I still care.

I would've sent this letter
Darling, my cheeks are getting damp
I wish you'd know my feelings
But Jesus doesn't pay for stamps.

Your head is small, you know that?
Just smaller than a pin
And no matter just how much you try
You'll ever fit it in.
Not smarts and brains,
You've got that all
It's really something else
Imagination- just too big
You and everybody else.
Your thoughts and wants
Your hopes and dreams
They're dying to get out
They kick and punch and hit you
They yell and scream and shout.
There's times when you might let them slip
They giggle and they tease
They tickle at your insides
As you try to get them at ease.
But thoughts and dreams don't do that
See, they never quiet down
They want to show you colors and shapes
They strive to show you sounds.
The more you shove and push them
The more you fight and pout
The more they tickle, laugh, and tease
Come on, just let them out!
Imagine what those thoughts could do
Imagine the world here
So dark and dreary, cold and damp,
It's much worse than you fear.
But your dreams, you know,
The colorful ones
Don't color inside the lines
They're creative, different,
Amazing and new,
They'll make the whole world shine.
Darling, first please realize
Your head is just too small
Your thoughts and dreams
They want to get out
They want to color it all.

It's hard to talk to artists, see,
They've never made much sense
Their memories seem clouded
But yet I found one on a bench.
I didn't find the artist, no,
I only found his work
A broken, torn apart journal
A tattered, beat up book.
I opened to the first page
And saw a true sight to behold
Colors flew across the paper
In reds and blues and golds.  
The pencils must have danced
And the thoughts should have exploded
But what I had there in my hands
Was worth much more than noted.
I held his imagination
Every fiber of his thoughts
Every piece of information
That he ever had been taught.
The lines and circles spoke
Every word that he could not
They all told him not too
So he kept it under lock.
But there those drawings held the key
The secrets to his past
His present, future, all his hopes
'I wonder if they'd ask.'
He kept his secrets quiet
All his goals and all his dreams
I found his only outlet
His saving grace, it seems.
I looked through all the drawings
Some teasing, jokes, and grades
All expressed in colors
His feelings to create.
I never met this man that day
I still don't know him now
I wonder if he's happy
Or does he revel in the clouds?
See, artists are a piece of work
They're masters of the trade
Their specialty is feelings
Like the ones put on a page.