Falling in love with you was like being a puppy.
The love sick, completely mesmerized
lost puppy 
that hangs onto every word you say.

You were my favorite part of the day
my reason to get out of bed.
The reason I started ******* on the
running washing machine
because I was trying to find
the rattle clank
bang boom and the
******* electricity
that you shot through my nerves
Every
Single
Time
our bodies
touched.

Now, I ******* on the dryer
without cleaning out the lint trap
in hopes to feel anything other than numb.
Now,
I’m that lost puppy that got kicked in the stomach
while trying to stay right next to you all the time.
Right under your feet in the kitchen.
By your side on bed
Or on the couch
I still love you unfathomably,
but now I’m afraid of feet.
And closeness.

Distance is definitely less painful than the
kick to the stomach of our
attachment disappearing.
Watching you drink your coffee
From the other side of our
12 person table is hard.
But not as hard as coming to terms
With the fact that we thought
that 12 person table
From Ikea
Would be a good idea
For all the guests that we
Don’t have.
For all the time that we spent
Right
By
Each
other
Maybe now our friends will come over more
To fill the distance between us.

I’ve heard that your skin can be the
most
comfortable
piece
of
clothing that you can wear.
My skin is crawling
Because you’re no longer here
To silence my worries.
Also because not cleaning out the lint trap
Can cause a small fire.
Now I’m also afraid of dryers.

I don’t even like warming my my duvet cover anymore
Because it reminds me too much of you.
Which is to say
I’m the puppy that learned to
sleep on the floor,
I can’t handle your warmth anymore. It sets my skin on fire.
And sleeping at your feet brings back too many memories,
Which is to say,
You are like being kicked
All
over
again.