Like smoke in my lungs, it is an acquired taste that I could not bring myself to quit. And now that I have, the flavor is unprecedentedly toxic.
2. Your name is merely a catalyst to my relapse. You turned your head away from it then, and I know you will turn your head away from it now.
3. To hear that beautiful arrangement of letters coming from my own lips only reminds me of the genuine smile on your face that you can only have when I am gone. And every time it makes me wonder if I truly mean it when I say I am happy for you.
4. I cannot reconcile what is with what could have been. Maybe if I was still yours and you were still mine, it would be endearing to say your name.
5. When it's 4 am and I am falling apart in my half empty bed, I cannot find the breath to utter your name between sobs.
6. I have spent too much time pretending that your absence has had no affect on me that I have not yet grieved. But, I could never pity myself without shouting your name into an empty void.
7. Maybe I am only idealizing you, but his name left a bitter taste and I have been craving yours on my lips.
8. I cannot say your name because I know that if you were to turn your head in recognition, I'd get lost in those blue eyes and fall for you all over again.
9. There is no logic behind how I inherited the right to say your name. Since you have left, this complacency is eating me alive and I am only left to wonder why someone so beautiful would have ever touched a soul like mine.
10. I cannot speak of your name any longer because it is no longer my privilege. It is hers to say now.

We always talked about watching the sunset,
Laying on the roof
Watching the lights of the city below us
As if they were stars forming constellations,
Pointing out people walking by
As if they were ants below our feet on the sidewalks,
Tracing each other scars
With the tips of my fingers
And your smooth, perfect lips.
But we never talked about the sunrise.
The moon doesn't stick around for the morning,
But neither did you.

You broke my walls down
And I let you.
But now my roof is crashing down too,
Because that was your escape route.

Her temple is beating against her brain much harder than it should be
As she lays in that hospital bed and counts the stitches on her best friend's eye
As if they are stars forming constellations in the sky over the sea.
She pulls at her hair, wishing her head would stop pounding.
But what if it wasn’t pounding?
What if that ***** in her chest stopped pounding against her ribs?
She cannot see that it is the only other likely outcome of such a disastrous night.
She can’t thank god for the chaos in her life
Despite the fact that it is the only thing keeping her alive.
This chaos is the recipe that is being pumped into that IV
Through her veins
And to her beating heart,
Keeping that ******* pulse beating heavily
Against her beautiful mind
That sees scars as constellations
In the sky over the sea.

Next time you make an empty promise
Shatter it against the concrete
And rip open my flesh with the sharpest point,
Pour salt in my wounds
And leave me to rust.
And then tell me again
How it pains you to see me suffer.
Darling, all this time you were killing two birds
With one stone,
But since when can I fly?

This roof over our heads can't make us a family.

We fell in love
In the summer
And as the colors changed,
He did too.
Only,
His change was not as beautiful
As the choreography
Of red, orange, and yellow leaves,
But rather the remains
Of the dead tree branches,
Leaving only
Cold,
Empty,
And eerie thoughts
Whistling in the autumn wind.