I felt you that night
You stopped the door from closing
And let yourself in

Stricken, shaken, numb
I sat
Head in hands
Knees tucked into my collarbone
Unable to sleep
For fear of waking
And remembering all over again

But then I could feel you again
Arm on my shoulders
Soft hair
On my neck
You carried me to sleep that night
And when I woke
The snow was falling
The bed still held your heat

They buried you on Monday
I would have given anything
To see your face
Before the earth took you back

I dreamt of you that night
You were waving
Standing on a star
Electrified
Glowing

You took flight
And when I woke
The bed was warm
And the door unlocked

I've built my life
On unstable conditions
A web, I always knew
Would keep me
Motionless

I know, I know
I know the things I should
But always feel the things
I shouldn't

My life is beyond
My wildest dreams
My strongest control
It's beyond my grasp

I'm always fine
In that larger perspective
Kind of fine
My world is full of the weight
Of all the happiness I know
But can't seem to feel
For myself

There is a fine line
Between empathy
And drowning
I've never learned to swim

There's so much
I've never learned
Just felt

I started somewhere
And I feel as if I've
Circled back to nights
Heavy in dreams
Light in sleep

There's this moment
When I'm driving deserted
Desert highways
I'm flying and alive
And so very beaten
Dust sticks
To my wounds
And every scratch
Is illuminated

I'm painfully aware
Of every fist I've ever raised
Of every fist they've raised
Guilt takes hold

Gravity does it's will
Sinking coins
To the bottom
Of my wishing well

There's a fine line
I've never learned
To swim