Kimberly L Piper

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Wounds I

I pulled the veil off my soul
I opened a window and let out the smoke
I took a hammer and smashed the mirrors
I took a step from the darkness and reached for the light
I attempted to live
I attempted to be
And love retreated

Do I shackle myself back to the somber......to the silence.......to the dark?

or

Do I continue to reach from the dark.......reach for the light........and find happiness?

One thing I am most certain

If I choose to keep writing or choose to stop..........I lose
I will lose myself......lose myself........lose myself in the words

or
I will lose them........lose him........lose her.........lose all........lose none

I've never chose me before and I am tired of being lost
With a heavy heart and fear of loss I say:

to them......to him......to her.......to all......to none

I am tired of bumping around in the darkness basking for a brief moment in someone elses light
Stay or go is not my choice

It is YOURS

Take me as I am.....growing.....shaping.....living.....shining
or
here is the door

Good-bye to you
Hello to *ME

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Deaf

No one is listening

i scream
i shout
i cry

No one is listening...........So i do it inside

i do it in silence

Balance on the rope
YOU can do it they shout
Hold it all together
YOU can do it they shout
Juggle........Juggle.........JUGGLE
YOU can do it they shout
Count grains of sand
YOU can do it they shout
Tap dance on the ceiling
YOU can do it they shout
DO ALL THESE TASKS AT ONCE!
YOU can do it they shout

Trapped in darkness that only i can see
Trapped with pain and misery
Fever and sadness course through my veins
i'm living a life with others at the reins
The sun light trickles in
But only darkness lays on my skin
There is no air around me

i can't breathe..........i can't be

When i express these things i am told its not ok
People expect me to be happy everyday
i'm expected to smile and laugh
i'm expected to glow and shine
People are uncomfortable when i vent and whine

i scream
i shout
i cry

No one is listening.................So i do it inside

i do it in silence

*ssshhhhhhhhh

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Empty

I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no argument, no hesitation and no judgement

When I kneel before you I feel the world staring down upon me; disappointed and accusitory
What would they say if they saw me in these moments?
The world, friends, family.......what would they say?
I can't stop spending time with you though I have tried

Unfortunately, it only takes a thought
It use to be harder to give it all to you
Forcing myself to bare those things to you.........it use to be so hard
Now it is easy! And I hate myself for it.

To keep myself sane, to keep it all inside, I run my tongue across my gums to feel the missing molars, the hole in the bicuspid, the degraded bicuspid and think in my head......
"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

I go silent. I go numb.
I beat it, I hope, at least for today
But, I see you and feel the need to give it all to you
And in that moment I am beautiful, or, at least I hope to be

I made the mistake of listening to society
They told me to be the way they dictate on tv, in magazines, on billboards, and bus signs and newspapers and the radio
I tried because they said it wasn't ok to be me
To just be me
I wasn't enough
Why can't I be enough?

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts! It's too easy!

I kneel before you though you are no God
I give you my shame, lonliness, hopelessness and pain
You take it all with no arguments no hesitation and no judgement

"Fight the urge. Fight the urge. Fight the urge to kneel and purge."

FLUSH!!!!!!!

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Understatements

I plan to have a lazy day.

I start by waking up and stretching.
I push my body into my comfy mattress and smile.
It feels good to lay around and feel the sun from my small window on my face.
It's a lovely day out. I smile again.
Then my feet hit the floor and the day begins.
So, right after I:

Shower-------get dressed
Wash the Dishes
Clean my bedroom
Clean my bathroom
Vacuum
Mop the Kitchen floor
Do 4 loads of laundry
Pick up some groceries
Put them away
Take out the trash
Then prepare a weeks worth of lunches to take to work...........

I plan to have a lazy day.

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Thoughts: Inside my Head II

I stand there and smile and check them in
I answer all of their stupid questions with a pleasant grin
8 hours of this then I'll be free
None of these people care how they treat me
Their snotty and rude and make a mess
I've never behaved this way while being a hotel guest
They turn up their nose's and spend money all week
Then when it comes to the bill they want to be cheap
A discount here a discount there
And when I say, "No", they grit their teeth and stare
They yell loud and scream like I will bend or cry
Thanks to the survellience camera I have an alibi
In my head I start to wonder
"Isn't this the guest that asked for a plunger?"
"He's complained about the food and our lovely staff."
"He's dissing our lamps and even our town maps."
"Then he comes to the front desk to fuss and cuss."
"He's pointing his fingers and having a fit."
"Yuk! He's talking so fast his mouth is collecting spit."
I decided that was it I had enough
Working in the service industry is tough
But all I could do was stand there and smile
And this is what played in my head all the while
When people start to scream and shout
This is what I do to tune them out...............

This is a test of the Emergency ******* System.
This is only a test
*insert sound here

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Thoughts: Inside my Head I

Sand in between my toes
Salt on my lips
The warm sun on my face
A sweet breeze in my hair
Today will be perfect
That is................

As long as the thirty sea-gulls lurking near don't pull an Alfred Hitchcock

Kimberly L Piper Sep 2012

Happily Ever After

I do understand today is your day
I do feel perhaps you should get your way
I do need to tell you though you are being awfully rude
I do think you need to change your attitude
I do not appreciate how you spoke to me or the staff

I do think you look silly yelling and bobbing your neck like a giraffe
I do care that you made your own mom cry
And here is the part where I don't get why
You didn't need to run around banging your fists on your chest like a gorilla
You just gave a new meaning to the word Bridezilla

I work in a hotel at the front desk. I am always hoping I get the day off when there is a wedding. Brides can be the worst! The way they talk to family, friends and the hotel staff is ridiculous. They don't plan properly or ask the right questions and then want to chew everyones head off when it doesn't go their way. And when there are 2 weddings in one day like it was yesterday.......JUST DUCK AND COVER lol!