I can't hate you.
Your eyes are dim and lack the life I wish to know.
You find remorse in any situation I hope to find peace in.
I want so badly not to be next to you because you remind me of the Sadness and contempt I try to hide everyday.
I can't hate you,
Because hating you means opening the box I've long closed,
Even if it's just for a minute.
You lie and cheat to to get the attention I secretly long for.
To distract yourself from the thought that maybe you aren't living up to What you'd hoped you'd be, or what they'd hope you'd be or what I'd hoped I'd be.
I can't hate you.
I'd like to erase you, much like I'd like to erase my box.
but you don't hide your box as well as I do.
You carry it everyday and ask others to carry it along your side.
I watch,
Perplexed as to why and how you've allowed yourself to share that burden.
Didn't you find the closet big enough to store your box?
Didn't you ever figure
That not every person wants to have to stare their own box in the face While talking to you.
Haven't you realized that hating the life you live won't make you win, Arrogance isn't going to give you an upper hand.
No one wins.
Put your ******* box away so I don't have to look at mine.

The day we lost our innocence
We woke up with open minds
Light hearts; our eyes grew wide
We walked with upright pride
Smiles that rarely shied away from anything
In our minds the world owed us everything
We did not take what had been given
We snatched what we deserved
We lived for the adventure
As if it had been the written word
We'd drink like no tomorrow
Shouting lyrics that depicted a sorrow
That we'd never really thought about
A type of pain we didn't know existed
That was someone else's reality
But not ours
Because we're young
No bad things do not happen to us
Because we're young
No people like us don't die
Because we're young
No we're not alcoholics, it doesn't count
Because we're young
No we don't need to worry
Not us
Because we're young
Shattered
The ice waiting to fall from the roofs edge on christmas day
The same ice that had been forming for weeks with a quiet malignancy,
allowing it to progress
The death of such beauty should be expected but rarely is
The sound is foreign to new ears
Interrupting perfect melody with sharp actuality
Reminding us that life ******* happens
No, life does not care if you are young or old
No, life does not care who your best friends are
or if you just saw them yesterday and they seemed okay.
No life will continue whether you're prepared or not
The day we lost our innocence,
Silence hung over the phone like a breath begging to be had
As if holding all our breaths together would somehow give one more to him

I was a game of Janga
In its last writhe.
A structure with no solid base.
I don't know if I was born like that
Or if somewhere along the way I got lost.
I think I always sensed it.
However I was always too busy looking forward
I didn't bother to make sure that I had all of me.
I didn't.
Now memories make me angry
They seem like a picture I don't remember taking
But can imagine why I did.
Decisions I'd made then make me scold myself
Over and over and over.
I wanna stare eleven year old me in the eyes and scream
"NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO LOVE YOU LIKE I WILL, so please, stop searching."
You carry the missing piece.
Stop looking forward and look within you.
I'm 20 years old.
Finally I can see.
I never took the precious time to build my own foundation.
I spent forever wanting someone to build it for me.
But if you want something done right
You've got to do it yourself.
I didn't need a boy to look at me like I'm all the world is capable of creating.
I needed to hold eye contact with my own **** self long enough to say "I love you."