Why don't you stay
awhile
with me.
Your company excites me.
That voice of yours sends
sonic wisps
through air,
and time, like gamma rays
you penetrate me.
Piercing my heart your love
spreads
like a cancer mutating my cells,
my thoughts
are invaded, your prodding relentless.
So I ask you...
Why don't you stay
awhile,
with me.

Eventually time will pass us by
Just as a gust sent from the sky
Just like the sweet morning dew
The sun that rises cures the brew
Just like the witch aloof from you
She brews, she brews? Just like the dew
On now the ticking of the clock upon my wall of flowered pots
The tick and tock repetitive
Tie time that sheds upon my head
It flies away just like a bird, a bird?
Oh yes a lovely dove.

what exactly is this that I'm feeling
a dull ache in my chest
piling slowly
compacting  tightly.
It hurts
and yet at times I forget
the ache masks itself as something else.
My collar bones feel brittle
as if with a simple whisper
they will crumble like crushed biscuits
in the palm of your hands.
I need healing
healing only you can offer
or else I fear nothing will stop me
from leaving
floating
following the current like a string on a balloon

When it come
it crashes
it cripples me
and I become weak.
I cannot step through the veil of disgust
nor can I scream
to shatter the illusion
cast so deeply from years of your
abuse.
So I grow
and despair
and hope
that no one knows of my
struggle.

I had a thought
a burst of inspiration
it whorled about my head
singed the skin of my ears
burned away the fringes of hair
---let loose about me face---
like ash flicked from the tip of a cigarette.

This thought multiplied
as many do, but even more this grew
taking up empty space, filling the heavens in my eyes
consuming me with a fire unfelt before, unknown to be felt--before.

Like pure energy it fumbled
crackling about the dry air, creating music's pure form.
Twisting, contorting--grotesquely beautiful--its tantalized me
ripping me with ethereal bare hands--until, my soul lay beating out
a glow in response to this epiphany, in a hand that was not a traditional hand.

This body moved
possessed of an inner passion
as these eyes watched detached as
my essence, received the violent creation in motion.
I feared it would burst and spill, letting go past memories
and that thing that will not come again, that nutrient that comes only once.

This body shook
the limbs quivered and tightened
in anticipation of a full soul ready to be received.
And when that hand, which was yet not a hand inserted
pressed, squashed, stuffed me back into myself my body felt light
despite--this immense entity housed within my flesh of skin, blood and bone.

When all had become quiet outside
I heard the music still, the monstrous song
that enveloped my ears fully, captured my eyes inwardly
until I fell backwards in a rapture locked in a battle I wished to lose.

This music slowly died
and with it my tremors stilled
until all that was left behind was but
the tiny ****** of a thousand angelic bells
hanging from the Bell-Trees of paradise's seventh node.

And even if you win what then?
Will the clouds part
and rain down paradise.
Will you kick me down and make me beg?
Make me BEG!
**** me if you MUST
DO SO!
Just that I may die and know not
the intolerable filth you sing.
You poisoned my ears.
ENOUGH!

These beads are warm against my palm.
Forming a chain they hang
low
reflecting
refracting light
from my window glass.

Warmth permeates
the hard plastic exterior
trapping orbs of sunshine
within.

Like miniature suns
the chain transforms
becoming ethereal
in its beauty.

They smooth the the wrinkles
of my fingerprints
and leave behind
the smell of light.

Green this leaves me.

Devastated and hollow.

Angry that words
cannot   come   properly
From my mouth.

What its this!
I scream this
I hit and scrap and draw blood from this.
I pour my hatred deep into this
wanting to swallow your hope from this.

But would you be destroyed.
Would word and deed and life be destroyed?
I implore!
I beg of whom may be planning things
to rather let their be no fate
just send us out
and shake the world.

Green
I am green and livid.
My mouth is spewing vile
my fists are clenched till my palms are bloodied.

This monster inside is raging!
No release is waiting
yet constantly I lay waiting
to use these hands as instruments
to ring the life from lively eyes
which started this mad craving.

Creak is the sound of steps pressed against old floorboards.
So comforting are the memories of another time
When into the attic I explore.
Dust is layered upon the floor
On boxes
On cans
On tins that hold old sewing things.
Christmas long gone resides in the corner
Halloween by the door waiting for fall
Old dresses lay pressed and folded between delicate paper
That I dare not touch lest they crumble.
From tins come trinkets
In boxes old toys
Through sun shined windows I see clothed mannequins.
This attic so old so layered with dust
I leave unaffected barely a footprint or touch.

Within the distant fray I sway
leaves from a deadened bough
release me
shriveled, brittle
to a hardened ground.
------------------
Once I thought I'd seen a butterfly
I watched its wings

touch and gape
touch and gape
touch and
fall

like a dying star
I witnessed its fall
swallowed by an ocean
coloured by the receding sun.

Don't bother
I'm ok.
Its a slippery ***** you tread on
was your advice
or warning,
I cant decide.

Sit and drink a cup of tea with me
and I will tell you all there is to know
--if you so wish to know.

I grew up happy
sometimes, in pieces
I believe is the better term.
Between love and hurt
smiles, and endless tension.

I left and knew a freedom
I had not known before,
and reacquainted myself
with a mothers tender love.

I met with friends,
with petty enemies
but none so great
as you were (both) to me

and as I walk along that treaded path
I backtrack
to that time before,
when we shared love, and hate
and bitter memories.

Should I hate you now
or love you all the fiercer,
because....
it was you who taught me
to love intensely
and hate all the more incredibly.

You see--
I chuckle when I think
of this paradox we are in
like sugar I cant get enough
though its slowly killing me.

So you see (again)
I'm ok,
...sometimes
or perhaps...
in pieces is the right
word to say.

Let the holy blood flow from outstretched palm
See the wounds of Christ displayed as an open book
Preach the words of His holy name through righteous pain.
Holy are those blessed with such a curse
Pray on numbed knees and reach into your habit to retrieve
Worn rosary beads.
They click against each other while held up to the forehead
Each bead being caressed with love between the index and thumb.
On that floor cold from the December air
Before the roaring fire of faith
The blood of the stigmata drips
And floods
Encasing the cross of Christ hanging before your chest.
Let the heart beat
Let the heart beat that wants to be the fool for God.
In your coarse habit kneel let the garment underneath
Quell any desire, defeat Lucifer by denying yourself.
Confess sins brought about through remorse of being
The king of youth.
Peace and love
Pace e bene!
Let not the trails of this world tarnish the silver that is
The inner radiance
Let his golden heart melt
And jump whole heart into his pool of love.
The blood runs down wrists and forms the drops
That falls from the elbow
Though weakened you are the strongest
Knight of Christ.

I want now to apologize.
this does not come easily
but know
from my heart to yours, I am bleeding out
love, nourish your own
and forgive me
for I did not know
the truth.

I'm sure I can't explain it
almost unintelligible, when
steps echo--I hear them constant
your laughter--infant green caressed
by spring.
Scents from your skin--I--
become unreliably--intoxicated--
This delicious shiver--shutter--spasmodic movement
like hot metal dripping--heavy and demanding
making clear its presence--but--
not so much enveloping--not the slightest
overpowering--but--
none the less empowering--and--
still rather lightly--kissing?
Dripping as they do
relentlessly like Japanese torture
drops of liquid fire scorch--fall
ing  incessantly--!--
like rain on hot pavement--you--
your eyes burn into this fevered skin.
I truly can't explain this!

And here is where I stop and you begin.
This timeless loop forever we are in
hold on--tighter--we must be united.

The sun pours through the pores
of silken curtains hung.

I turn my face towards its warmth
the colour touches eye lash and cheek.

I turn my face upwards
I feel His lathering, His glow indulges me.

But then a cloud comes heavily
covering both sun and warmth

it leaves my eyes looking up at
dark.

This is us.
Your fingers
your chest
your legs
your tongue tasting my sweetness.
(you call it my sweetness)
My body responds to yours
each heartbeat timed
with the surge of sporadic pulses.

His arms strong that hold me tight
They keep me safe from what’s outside

But when does safe become obsessive
A love that is taken to far

When does our home become a prison?
And my lover become a guard

When does a soft touch rise to a punch?
And my love turn to fear of whenever he comes

How do I escape from being a slave?
To a man that loves me too much

How can I hide from this monster he’s become
Or will I disappear into the strange dark shadows

To be what he wants
To be no more

Time is
fragile.
It peers from behind
only to
disappear.
Fleeting on sprightly foot
my lungs burn
from a lack of
air
trying to find a way to come
close
to you.
our time is
dwindling.
Passing until
it turns an
un-reversable corner.
but I'll find you soon
and our time apart
wont seem so
gaped.

He just lost faith
It ate and scraped away
at his soul
and as he slipped into that wide crevice
--to climb out again---
-----to fall back in----
tears would fall
from his eyes
---and mine.
My love was dying slowly,
then all to quickly he was gone
behind him was a emaciated shell
that I clutched to my breast.

For a long time I craved
-----voice----
I went to edges dangerous
to hear the crashing of waves
liquid thunder against gray cliffs.
I stepped
feet bare
above the grass
green--too green--
too vibrantly alive
in this numb place.
Bending I looked down
on an instant drop
my body quivered
my skin pulled tight
my eyes grew wide.
For a long time I craved
this moment to come
---its here---
and now...
I wish I had never sought it out.

When we were new
I made plans
grand plans
for you
for us.
So young with
caramel fingers and toes
plump and soft as pillows
I held you close
and sang to you those
songs I loved the most.
And now your older
stronger, wiser
off to lands beyond our mountains.
Now I'm old
those plans full grown
and flowered rich
with promises fulfilled
until--
that life that I-with love- created
that was you
was snuffed out suddenly
what am I to do?

When I write
when I commit words to a page
so vague are they, so seamless
that  I become afraid
with the slightest mummer of discord
they will dissolve from the moisture
of our discontent.

When I write
experience unfolds
from my eyes, from my mind
that Ive never truly known
and yet
the feeling I describe
is wonderful, satirical
crippling, dishonorable
dangerous, and suicidal.

When I write
I am free
though I wander through no
galaxies
instead I sit and type, I write
and sink deeper into...me.

Pictures of a broken past
Of lovely memories
Of snow that covered frozen pine
Or the smell of mahogany
The feeling of security when you were always near
Now that aid is surly gone
Your absence leaves me bare

How can I draw back memories
Of a time filled with but joy
When autumn came to change the leaves
Or winter to take its deathly bow

What of the springs in May
When the earth let out its scent
Of flowers growing wild
In the acres that never end
Or when you’d plant me tulips
Just so we could be near
Why now then have you gone away
When our love’s yields not yet made

Hours pass and now the days and still no one has found you
My heart is breaking into pieces
How can I live without you?
Without you here my life just seems to be so incomplete
The ache that you have left behind is too much oh I shall weep!

Come back to be my gallant steed
Your damsel needs protecting
But not from the harm that outside holds
But from her heart that needs desperate mending

You left as quickly as you came
leaving echos rippling thought
thick silence
as I lay sorely wanting
on sheets barely rustled
with your coldness
and my aching.