soft
abstract
feeling
you inside of
tender folds of skin.

ripples of musical tremors vibrate

ignite
fire
melting through to
another side of
skin.

Pressurized
knees beating against floored wood
cushions
provided by
dead leaves.

Bite
into that wrinkled fig
ripe from its source
sweet syrup gushing
from roasted cell walls.

Viens beat
sycronized with
my
heart.
use your veined hand
break through
my ***** shell

release my heart
watch that redness beat
and gush
like that eaten fig.

Arched spasm
crushed fingers
against
a soft
surface.

Camera flashes
send me back
to that time before
when images
sent a flush
through
me.

Why not
Why not lay here
let the room spin above us
the ceiling fan holds still.
Let's watch as everything else spins away
****** through a hole
that leaves all else dark.

She walks along that pathway
With tattered dress from the thicket
Watching as the mass of earth
***** her down, ***** her down.

And sink she does so far, so far
A scraping scream gurgles up
And spreads into the pitching earth
Earth wet with sweat and blood
She screams into her sweat and blood.

Smothering, the heat takes over
As the earth continues on
To **** her down so far down
In every drop of sweat that bulbs
And with so much blood she breaths in death’s humidity
And grasps for something tangible within reality.

Into the eyes of death she looks
Unnerved he watches speaking not.
A quivering lip cannot sway he to take a hold her hand in his.
And watch he does with unmoved eyes his elusive pray sink further down.
The indifferent earth breathing in the sweat and blood swallows her
Which solidifies within her lungs. He laughs as she marches on with tune
With death’s macabre band so far down. So far down, she’s ****** down.

My feet are numb

they are cold.

My thin fingers burn

from harsh wind

from no cover.

My teeth clatter

clack
clack
clacking

quick and repetitive

against each other

with a VIOLENCE

that makes them shatter

-weakened-

by years of sleepless nights spend

grindingthemtogether.

Standing aloof

apart    from      everyone    and    everything    

alon­e.

It is only we
together we lay
stomach to back
curled as
puzzle pieces
fitting almost
perfectly.
My cheek is mashed
against
the softness of your relaxed
bicep.
The winds whip about
the heater hums softly
for us within.
Your heart beat lulls me back to sleep
my even breathing sets you at ease.
A moment for lovers.

Anger bubbles
like a stream
it hisses
whispers planted like an infectious sore
within the depths of your
Amygdala.

Condensation fogs my quarter window
and as my other self becomes concealed
behind my cloud of warmed breath
I fabricate a tale
that I am the imagination
of my own reflection.

Amidst the fire's crackle
the wood pops
and black smoke rises coating my chimney's
inner side. I stare into its blue core
and see the elemental force burn
intense!
then die out....

Who then is real
what if I am my own reflection
a thought living inside a mind
planning out my day
while she lives her own life.

How can we really know if we exist
if we never truly know that we're awake
Are we dreaming, or are we the dream?

Think!

One
then two
then three again.
Desperation
eyes bulging
throat expanding then
constricting.
Constriction precedes frustration.
The minutes brace against my mind
I have to pull and grunt, and scream
until they pass.
Tears stream, my nose runs down below me.

and then stubborn gives way to release
I feel much better, for now.

You are the moon
and I the ocean
when you are full
bright and beautiful
I cannot help but
be drawn to you.

At once I thought we were to see this through
--you and I--
I suppose the fear was just too great
for when the morning light had shone its rays
you were gone
and I was left alone.

I didn't cry
I made not one sound for you
I laid there still
feeling the emptiness you left

and come mid-noon when dawn had fully yielded
I rose and went about my day.

The leaves were brittle
I let them crumble in my hands
while I rumbled them together
making organic friction.
They drizzle from my flattened palms
and I watch as the civilization below these moist wood-chips
and soil look up in amazement at my autumnal snow.
Does that make me an instrument of nature?
Their pagan goddess?
Perhaps not.

My scattered leaves rebound
and some flies back toward my face
a fragment of a whole
lands on the pink of my bottom lip.
I brush it away
holding it on the tip of my index
watching the wind carry it away.
I wish the wind would carry
me away.

I wait as a lover by the placid sea
I wait never ending for only thee
I weep that you have traversed so far
I steep into madness each day your gone.

How I survive I do not know
For dragging my feet I slide to the floor
For a mood so severe takes hold so firm
Making sure to crush my weary spirit.

I quake and I quiver as if scarlet fever
Were wrapping its grip tightly round me.
Strong like steel as I wail and plead
I find I cannot escape this infinite peal

Of madness, this madness that madness!
Strike me down and let the earth now take me
Let it cradle me in its rough hands
Just so I forget the damages left to body, spirit and soul.

Now hunger is bearing its jagged pearl teeth
Dripping with a poisonous filth. My heart is a flutter
Though not from a lover, but death who invites me in.
That monster I thought had been fiend.

T’was sweetness I heard in dreams now forgotten
Of a voice made from old silk. And turning my head
I looked and beheld that lethe that takes all thought away.
A memory that fades so quickly away now takes all my fears away.

“Suffer no more.” Said that voice from below
The surface of that kindly river.

So step in I did, with no consequence
And drift did I drift away. Forgetting the pain
And remorse of the day your left and that
Madness slowly came from pain.

Death has never yet looked beautiful
As it does now
When looking upon the wintered cornfields
Or the lake blowing over frozen life
Petrified till spring’s thaw.
Death itself blows
Riding the biting winds to chill
The bones of the young and old
On the brink of eternal sleep.
Indeed death is welcome
Plucking each brittle leaf from its tree
Or inhaled, settled with the damp in the lungs of a child.
Death is wondrous, once said to be the only supernatural thing
We will ever know.
Quoted and sung, loved and nourished.
Death has never yet looked so beautiful

Upon this rocky shore we find
as we sit most content
a bird so small that as it flies
we barely see a speck.

It lands---disturbing particles
of loose boulders only ants would fret
and chirps its song of mating
to its mate nestled upon her eggs.

We sit, you and I,
your hand on mine
so slight I barely feel
My glance slides down protectively
to make sure your still there.

The sun sets fire throughout the sky
the horizon blurs two realms
and as the birds sing their lullaby
we two remain here perched.

Tears of the sun fall
dropping scalding suffering in its wake
like ****** from airplanes
its scorches land and living beings.

Crying aloud screams echo
falling like shattered trees on ears dead
slain by men, children
killing--children
I cant...

These sounds I hear
I'm going blind from screams
that fill empty space and hearts
a woeful symphony
a dreadful degree of cacophonies
conducted by inhumanity.

This is what they do
a statement repeated time again
this is what we do
turning a blind eye
is killing too.

This cello cries out
With ecstasy the bow is drawn carefully atop the strings
Each cry is beautiful with its shrills
Sway as a bough amidst the torrents of desperate
Melodies. Each utterance is a cry of anguish
Utter grief is poured forth from polished wood
Resounding echoes through the crumbling hall.
Grief is clutching at the mortar between the bricks
Melodies of pain engulf each tumbled debris that falls
turning to dust.
Play that wooden instrument that from its shrillest cries dives
Into bellows of rage that resonates to the core of the soul.
Each molecule is rattled each person left not unaffected with this grief
Transcended from humanly hands into a preternatural world of Gothic angels and demons
Summon all with that instrument
Let them fall to their knees in awe of this,
To this sound which has been given its soul from the source of us all.

A cold chilling wind blows
          it seeps
             deep
deep into my bones.

A ripple of numbness
       takes hold.
My knees bu
ckle.
GRAVITY takes-----------hold.

This chilling wind blows
that
         vanquishes souls.
Spreads      like       poison.
Latching (on) not letting go.

Where have your fires gone?
In what place are they stored
numbness is
                           unbearable.

I walk the blackened cobbled street
The click and clack of uncertain feet
Stroll under yellowed lights over head
Singling me in a spotlight.

Ancient boughs strain under weight
Of springtime blooms in middle-may
The scent wafts down on every leaf
They color the ground with white and green.

White and green against grim tones
A contrast laid to set rebellion
A beauty, bowing down with beast
To waltz around life’s center stage.

A star exploded before me
its dying life seeped tendrils
out
------so far
---------it reached my earthly eyes.
The heat from its extinction
burned me
like a melting candle I seeped
----between----
the floorboards
dripping hardened
wax onto your face.
Staining both wood
and carpet below.

We talked
and I grew attached.
I only knew your name
and the words you let float along a phone line.
You didn't want to meet
---I needed to see your face---
talking wasn't enough
I wanted contact
to feel your touch.

Cool drops
cool drops falling, rolling
sliding
down before they reach your jaw.
I move close
the creak of the floor calls out to me.
A woman's skin is soft
like a silken second skin
so tightly, so lightly fastened to your body
is felt against my open palm,
is felt against my muscled arm
so down it goes parallel your vertical curves
like a flawed hourglass so striking.
Lips close around that water drop, now sliding down your collar bone
nestled in the hollow
where shoulder meets neck.
The water refreshes me
ignites my thirst.
ignites...

Twice amongst the meadows watching
from behind a Cyprus tree
he stares at thee with anxious waiting
glances nervous as he yearns for thee.

Twice amongst the meadows walking
plucking  blossoms as they bloom
release from capsules such a fragrance
that make the glorious angels swoon.

He tasted bitter poppy petals
chewed to paste they cling and swell
to the innards of his teeth
each tiny bud they do expel.

grass and sun combine to create
an early summers reckoning
that bring about the union of
springs infant buds to bring to she.

From behind his hiding place
he comes to thee with frail mutterings
coyly he presents an antidote
to cure your failing frame.

As that maiden swoons from fever
pale as winter's deadly moon
fight she does for every swallow
that comes from each shallow breath.

Indeed her lover knows her sickness
and with ointment doth he bring
but to late he comes to aid her
for he is a timid thing.

In his arms she breaths her last
and with her dying plea
she implored as to why
he withheld his love from she.

Breath in this air
Crisp in my lungs
Sweet on my tongue
Cool on my lips

Smelling of rose water and lilac so strong
Kissing my cheeks
Blowing my hair

Carrying my dreams on its everlasting current
Whispering sweet lovelies
To those who accept it

I smile
its huge
its spreads and reaches my eyes.
I laugh
again I laugh
....and again I laugh
giddy and restless with waiting.
I bite my bottom lip
but yet my happiness
coughs through my lips.
I have to close my eyes
for appearance sake
I don't know what to say
Should I let you see me this way?
my chest collapses suddenly
when you turn your body fully to me
its hard to fight this feeling--see--
I tremble uncontrollably!
do I want to stop--no.
I love the way you make me feel!
and smile, and laugh.

Summer falls whilst winter flows
upon the blossoms of forget.
Mementos of a time long gone
wisp through flashes of thought
before sinking on the edge of the equinoctial rim.
Skeletons cackle with the thought of hell
nestled in the depths of their empty eyes,
then washed away
we lift our necks to
breath in the thick condensation of death.
We forget, then forgive
We harbor and let it fester
let if fester...
let it feed and grow and love you with a corrupted pleasure.

Come!

Have my soul, steal my heart and let it go
not.

We must sink alone
tangled in the lines of algae and slime.
You alone and I alone, and when one dies two others go.
Build up thy sin, squeeze lust through a pure soul.
Detach yourself
from everything
unlatch my hatred.

You came in the night
with a shining radiance you coaxed me
to throw from me my thin protection
and follow you into the night.

With sweets and love
you lured me in. Each kiss was drugged
with honey, drawing the moisture from myself
and with a weakening constitution i embraced your love.

Each touch coupled with a seductive word
I loved from you, though to late I realized, each word
laced with damnation. And soon
nothing could I live on, but your word.

Wanting to escape I cannot.
No matter where I turn your grin reflects against
petrified eyes. Each escape I attempt you are
always a step before my timid feet
and now to live on I cannot.

"Kakodaimonia" I cry out
but you who lured me to this dark place
says nothing, but holds out your hand instead
grabbing and crushing mine until I
cry out.

Inside there is a sickness
digging firm within me
I feel the illness spreading
rooted, growing,flourishing
and from my soul it blossoms
into a tree deformed
its bark peeling with dissension
its fruit already rotted.

Your hands were soft
they were knowing-and
forgettable.

When my mind goes blank
I thank God
because I hate waiting for
eternity to come.

Its another day
the sun is high in its dome
and the humans make their sounds
-its loud.
I wish to crush them;
to hear their bones crack
and their tissues tenderize.
Then all the sound would echo
then ebb away.
Their would be no human noise!
and my mind could drown free.

The fires came and spread
they inhaled the land
and let out ash
that covered both land and sky.
The fires devoured plant and bough
once proudly reaching for sun and sky
but when the devastation died
the foliage now was blackened and dry.
This fire left nothing behind
left not even a babes young cry
it ate as fierce as a monsters
appetite,
the life that once was full of pride.
Shamed and shackled we looked on
unable to stop what nature spawned
until it all was quite
with only the crackling of the
dying fire.

Echo, echo
I repeat
Alone in her cave of stone
Please, please
Can you hear her cry
For loves pure wondrous lure
Help me help me
She cries
But only insects hears
Forever destined to repeat
And never to declare

Is it you, or I that has come to this tree
With its purple and shady gray leaves
In the midst of summer among the pines
This tree planted here is glorified
Its bark is dull yet its leaves are bright
And father time that is surely divine
Has visited this wonder which is his prize
The stream that flows around the roots
Its water sweet for the weary traveler
Those who drink and regain their strength
Worship this tree, which has come
From the heavens
To bless us with all its splendor

Fly down
splash through my rainbow
drip colours in my eyes
I am no longer blind.
Wooden flowers bloom from concrete grounds
vines peel spiders from bananas trees.
Through the windows of a
green eyed child
mother earth embraces her
-that gaian child.
Pixies fly on webbed wings
while
tinkering bells sound like mewling babes.
From below he watches a sky
turn dark.
He can not help but smile.

Rest to sleep my lovely one
smile that smile that reaches your eyes.

I know you feel as I do
you hear the pulse beats in my chest
see the glitter from my eyes
generated by your smile.

You feel the ache as I do
crippling , locking  fluid joints
catch me before I hit the ground

---to my surprise I find you don't---

and down I fall
--you let me fall---
I felt cold hardness below my palms...

I know you felt as I do
that something rather left unsaid
but then again...
I thought you kept yours safe inside
I love you...
or did--once.

Now that I have you
I find I can't stand you
I wish you'd just go away
for my eyes go a flutter
when he walks on over
pulling me along the way.

She remembers
vividly
walking in.
The smells
the feel of the coarse hard wood
against her feet
the yellowed and peeling flakiness
of floral wallpaper.

She recalls the meat simmering on the stove.
The stove which was old
bulbous and black-cast iron perhaps.
It filled the small one room lighthouse
collecting between the crevices wedging and
flattening itself between plaster and cement.

Each step made a sound
reminding the surroundings of her presence.
The solitary light bulb flickered as she pulled its string.
Brushing her cheek she felt his toes
swinging 180 degrees then back again
-maybe less of a dramatic angle.

The flash explodes
and from that box a picture forms
of meyou and
just like that

its over.

I mourn for you
these tears that pool within my eyes
spill below its brim for you.
I cry for you
I scream till my throat's tissue  's raw
and this meek voice cracks for yearning you.

You lie there still
so still you sleep under covers of silk
while IVs feed nutrients to you.
Each eye closed lets slip a saline tear
that wets the pillow beneath you.

Each hour we are thrown down to eternity,
each minute we wait in unknowing fear
for each second that passes I clutch desperately to you
not wanting you to abandon me too.

----and yet----

Your life slips below my fingertips
pools and wets my swollen feet.
your death bed stinks of suffering
and my heart---my heart breaks
it BREAKS from loving thee.

Twist and turning disquieting
I'm going to BURST
this hurting is building
its unbearable
intolerable
I  feel  my  world   is   losing   grip
my sweetness died when you left me.

I mourned for you
So many tears have slipped below their brim for you
I screamed for you
my tissues raw from calling you
you never looked back as I ran for you
Fallen on knees I pounded the ground in defiance of you
I hate you, I hate you, I NEVER could have loved YOU!

---But then,

Your anguish was felt so strongly
its locks my bones
from head to toe
I fall---they break
is all this feeling from your pain?

---and then,

You healed me through
your memory kept my life among the living
your lingering smell
your fading laugh
kept the knife from meeting flesh

you!

Through your death, you saved my life
for that I will always love you.

Whimsical girl
Stupid girl
The world is not yours like an oyster’s pearl
Theatrical girl
Imbecile girl
You think you speak to the masses?
Impudent girl
Intolerable girl
No one is listening
Poor girl
Disillusioned girl
The world will never change.

My body is vertical
parallel to my mattress.
My ears pick up the mites
eating away at my dead skin
the dust mites prowl the forests
of my eyebrows.

My body is emaciated
the head to heavy to hold up
my collar bones are fragile
the aching is dull and resounding
vibrating between shoulder to shoulder.

My stomach is a sloshing sack
spilling acid in waves through my
esophagus,
burning away flesh.

Burning away my flesh
and will,
darkening my years of life
lived full, happy and long.

The blood began to flow.

I watched the liquid flow almost black and viscous.
I was in a place beyond myself,
far removed from my shattered psyche
that refused to recognize your twisted limbs,
the waste pooling around us from your bowel.

Your stench overcame the powerful scent of cloves
that had spilled from your bag.

As I teetered on the edge of darkness
I wondered if I could regain myself
before the comfort of madness.

You were so heavy against me...
so dead.

My fingers gripped flesh,
my palms leaked sweat between the silky folds of your inner
elbow.

How could it come to this?

Then the pressure came.
My chest filled and heaved,
my eyes grew hot,
all my ears could hear
was the life blood that had left you pumping incessantly,
intolerably in my temples.

She stayed motionless
with only one rhythmic breath sounding music through the night.

I pressed the corpse closer to my breast.

Woman: You're no longer here with me.

But you are.

She pressed her ear to those dead lips
cold and unfeeling.

Just under the surface of memory
there was the familiarity of kisses once delivered
by your fleeted consciousness.

Corpse: Am I?

The wailing winds
whip about
lashing at the wheat
bending-cowering down.
Against the night
the stars shine-
holes in the floor of heaven.

Sweet humanity
Has a conception ever been so sweet?
So sweet to make lips pucker
In kindly ecstasy?

Sweet and once dear human race
We seem to have erased
Will you ever raise your heads out from
That ocean of cruel intent?

Those waters harbor destruction
They fester, peeling away
Those stagnant waters decompose
Dissolving man’s soul away.

How low we all have sunk
Those eyes now see no more
Those thoughts of action grind to a halt
A cessation that leaves an echo.

No more does a message steal away
The tears of sympathy
We now slide into a faithless time
Love has been lost to bitter grief.

Our eyes are blind to tyranny
Our ears shut out tortured cries
And our once sorrow-ridden eyes
Grow numb to hate and crime.

So now we see and turn away
Sweet humanity has lost its way
So now I cry
And change the name

Of humanity
To inhumane.

This heat is sweltering
we wait
breathing out evaporated air
dried upon exit
from our humid wrapped lungs.
Our sweat co-mingles
forming a pool
underneath--
I raise to 90 degrees
look to you
watching--as a predator would
your chest raise and collapse.
I watch you the wave motions of your swallow
the slight twitch of your right eye
a bead of sweat loose its foothold
and roll down your temple.
I move to sit atop you
feeling your pelvis against my inner thigh
feel as skin slides against skin
easily done---you see my lips widen
revealing a smile,
and I revel in the response
I feel.

I thought--perhaps--
that
you and I could...
Your laughing...stop!
I'm serious.
Your eyes eat hungrily
the words from my mouth.

No--please--don't follow me

I want this to be a surprise
when I come out again
I'll be smiling,
and you

you wont be laughing.

What is this?
I ask
And think
And quarrel with myself
Trying to find the answers
To questions rhetorical in nature.
What am I to do with
That
That has been presented to me
My mind is but a gift discarded
I lie
I cry
I cheat myself
Out of anything
And everything
I could have wanted
And why
I ask
I dare inquire
Do I care of the happiness of others?
When such a feeling in my heart
Is devoid of harboring wonder
Why, oh why
I find, search and fail
For others I comply
I foolishly give way
I think that it can only be
That I cannot stand
To be loved falsely by you.

In which direction do we go
I cannot tell
for I am lost and do not wish to walk with you
through night's brisk air.
Once about the corner turn
The crunch of gravel spews from our heels.
To walk with you I cannot bear.
My wrapper held fast by a pin
My voice tucked in a woolen shield
I do not wish to walk with you
And speak of times much gayer than these.
Brisk we step
Slow we turn
Onto the street where we first met
Thus our beginning is our end.
I do not wish to walk with you again.