This heat is sweltering
we wait
breathing out evaporated air
dried upon exit
from our humid wrapped lungs.
Our sweat co-mingles
forming a pool
underneath--
I raise to 90 degrees
look to you
watching--as a predator would
your chest raise and collapse.
I watch you the wave motions of your swallow
the slight twitch of your right eye
a bead of sweat loose its foothold
and roll down your temple.
I move to sit atop you
feeling your pelvis against my inner thigh
feel as skin slides against skin
easily done---you see my lips widen
revealing a smile,
and I revel in the response
I feel.

When we were new
I made plans
grand plans
for you
for us.
So young with
caramel fingers and toes
plump and soft as pillows
I held you close
and sang to you those
songs I loved the most.
And now your older
stronger, wiser
off to lands beyond our mountains.
Now I'm old
those plans full grown
and flowered rich
with promises fulfilled
until--
that life that I-with love- created
that was you
was snuffed out suddenly
what am I to do?

Why not
Why not lay here
let the room spin above us
the ceiling fan holds still.
Let's watch as everything else spins away
****** through a hole
that leaves all else dark.

He just lost faith
It ate and scraped away
at his soul
and as he slipped into that wide crevice
--to climb out again---
-----to fall back in----
tears would fall
from his eyes
---and mine.
My love was dying slowly,
then all to quickly he was gone
behind him was a emaciated shell
that I clutched to my breast.

Now that I have you
I find I can't stand you
I wish you'd just go away
for my eyes go a flutter
when he walks on over
pulling me along the way.

The sun pours through the pores
of silken curtains hung.

I turn my face towards its warmth
the colour touches eye lash and cheek.

I turn my face upwards
I feel His lathering, His glow indulges me.

But then a cloud comes heavily
covering both sun and warmth

it leaves my eyes looking up at
dark.

For a long time I craved
-----voice----
I went to edges dangerous
to hear the crashing of waves
liquid thunder against gray cliffs.
I stepped
feet bare
above the grass
green--too green--
too vibrantly alive
in this numb place.
Bending I looked down
on an instant drop
my body quivered
my skin pulled tight
my eyes grew wide.
For a long time I craved
this moment to come
---its here---
and now...
I wish I had never sought it out.

I had a thought
a burst of inspiration
it whorled about my head
singed the skin of my ears
burned away the fringes of hair
---let loose about me face---
like ash flicked from the tip of a cigarette.

This thought multiplied
as many do, but even more this grew
taking up empty space, filling the heavens in my eyes
consuming me with a fire unfelt before, unknown to be felt--before.

Like pure energy it fumbled
crackling about the dry air, creating music's pure form.
Twisting, contorting--grotesquely beautiful--its tantalized me
ripping me with ethereal bare hands--until, my soul lay beating out
a glow in response to this epiphany, in a hand that was not a traditional hand.

This body moved
possessed of an inner passion
as these eyes watched detached as
my essence, received the violent creation in motion.
I feared it would burst and spill, letting go past memories
and that thing that will not come again, that nutrient that comes only once.

This body shook
the limbs quivered and tightened
in anticipation of a full soul ready to be received.
And when that hand, which was yet not a hand inserted
pressed, squashed, stuffed me back into myself my body felt light
despite--this immense entity housed within my flesh of skin, blood and bone.

When all had become quiet outside
I heard the music still, the monstrous song
that enveloped my ears fully, captured my eyes inwardly
until I fell backwards in a rapture locked in a battle I wished to lose.

This music slowly died
and with it my tremors stilled
until all that was left behind was but
the tiny ****** of a thousand angelic bells
hanging from the Bell-Trees of paradise's seventh node.

Don't bother
I'm ok.
Its a slippery ***** you tread on
was your advice
or warning,
I cant decide.

Sit and drink a cup of tea with me
and I will tell you all there is to know
--if you so wish to know.

I grew up happy
sometimes, in pieces
I believe is the better term.
Between love and hurt
smiles, and endless tension.

I left and knew a freedom
I had not known before,
and reacquainted myself
with a mothers tender love.

I met with friends,
with petty enemies
but none so great
as you were (both) to me

and as I walk along that treaded path
I backtrack
to that time before,
when we shared love, and hate
and bitter memories.

Should I hate you now
or love you all the fiercer,
because....
it was you who taught me
to love intensely
and hate all the more incredibly.

You see--
I chuckle when I think
of this paradox we are in
like sugar I cant get enough
though its slowly killing me.

So you see (again)
I'm ok,
...sometimes
or perhaps...
in pieces is the right
word to say.

At once I thought we were to see this through
--you and I--
I suppose the fear was just too great
for when the morning light had shone its rays
you were gone
and I was left alone.

I didn't cry
I made not one sound for you
I laid there still
feeling the emptiness you left

and come mid-noon when dawn had fully yielded
I rose and went about my day.

Let us create
perhaps we shall use machines-said he-
No!- we'll use our hands, interrupted she-we-
steel, we'll form creations we-
will use our flesh, bones, sweat-
oil and fire, ire, industry-
STOP!, no more!
Let us create, think no more of machines
let us destroy that impersonal thing
and feel the pulse of life burst through
like flames of magma burning, melting.
I'd rather use the heat of hands
not burning coal to fuel the fire of desire
that I wish that we might create together.

You left as quickly as you came
leaving echos rippling thought
thick silence
as I lay sorely wanting
on sheets barely rustled
with your coldness
and my aching.

One
then two
then three again.
Desperation
eyes bulging
throat expanding then
constricting.
Constriction precedes frustration.
The minutes brace against my mind
I have to pull and grunt, and scream
until they pass.
Tears stream, my nose runs down below me.

and then stubborn gives way to release
I feel much better, for now.

We talked
and I grew attached.
I only knew your name
and the words you let float along a phone line.
You didn't want to meet
---I needed to see your face---
talking wasn't enough
I wanted contact
to feel your touch.

I'm so heavy.
In my body and soul sits
an entity housed hostel.
****** trappings  and clotted beats pulse
past, and hang in ragged disarray.
This entity sits humble, patiently waiting beat down
any hint of emotional compromise harbored in the heart
and made logical in the mind.

The flash explodes
and from that box a picture forms
of meyou and
just like that

its over.

Inside there is a sickness
digging firm within me
I feel the illness spreading
rooted, growing,flourishing
and from my soul it blossoms
into a tree deformed
its bark peeling with dissension
its fruit already rotted.

You are the moon
and I the ocean
when you are full
bright and beautiful
I cannot help but
be drawn to you.

I hardly sleep anymore
early hours followed by a tentative dawn
walking like shell
while the sun shines down
betraying the weariness I feel.

I smile
its huge
its spreads and reaches my eyes.
I laugh
again I laugh
....and again I laugh
giddy and restless with waiting.
I bite my bottom lip
but yet my happiness
coughs through my lips.
I have to close my eyes
for appearance sake
I don't know what to say
Should I let you see me this way?
my chest collapses suddenly
when you turn your body fully to me
its hard to fight this feeling--see--
I tremble uncontrollably!
do I want to stop--no.
I love the way you make me feel!
and smile, and laugh.

I want to see the striking contrast
our skin makes when we mesh.

I know you feel as I do
you hear the pulse beats in my chest
see the glitter from my eyes
generated by your smile.

You feel the ache as I do
crippling , locking  fluid joints
catch me before I hit the ground

---to my surprise I find you don't---

and down I fall
--you let me fall---
I felt cold hardness below my palms...

I know you felt as I do
that something rather left unsaid
but then again...
I thought you kept yours safe inside
I love you...
or did--once.

Tears of the sun fall
dropping scalding suffering in its wake
like ****** from airplanes
its scorches land and living beings.

Crying aloud screams echo
falling like shattered trees on ears dead
slain by men, children
killing--children
I cant...

These sounds I hear
I'm going blind from screams
that fill empty space and hearts
a woeful symphony
a dreadful degree of cacophonies
conducted by inhumanity.

This is what they do
a statement repeated time again
this is what we do
turning a blind eye
is killing too.

Once there was a girl
and boy
together.
One sat here
the other
there
only eyes touching
through silent air.

I met someone today
and thought to myself
---I like you----
I let the thought marinate
swimming lull-fully in my head
before it was flushed out
by life's constant going ons.

As I lay broken
battered
open
pouring out my woes
from enclosed
places left to air,
I wonder silently
dejected
from where did I happen
to meet you
falling blindly
into
your open arms
and wide eyes.

I want now to apologize.
this does not come easily
but know
from my heart to yours, I am bleeding out
love, nourish your own
and forgive me
for I did not know
the truth.

I thought--perhaps--
that
you and I could...
Your laughing...stop!
I'm serious.
Your eyes eat hungrily
the words from my mouth.

No--please--don't follow me

I want this to be a surprise
when I come out again
I'll be smiling,
and you

you wont be laughing.

These tears are for you
---here let me gather them
I shall bead then together
a necklace of salty regret
and bitter mutterings.

No, no let me...
I shall tie them tight around your neck
let them hang out of reverence
for the heart you let shatter
from your overturned palm.

When I hear the ****** and crash
of that storm channeled through
violins
I fall into remembrance
remembrance of
wooden floors
wooden instruments
and human hands.
I recall the whirling winds of song
empowered ever more through the
wood and metal of
the cello.
I recall the sound of your wavering voice
as we paced through storm and wind
---the timid creatures we had been---


I now close my eyes
I escape to that place where
you made wood weep
and metal echo into my skin deep.  


Another violin plays now for me
this wood though does not weep
this bow draws no quiver
and only an empty echo bounces
from the chambers of my mourning
heart.

It is only we
together we lay
stomach to back
curled as
puzzle pieces
fitting almost
perfectly.
My cheek is mashed
against
the softness of your relaxed
bicep.
The winds whip about
the heater hums softly
for us within.
Your heart beat lulls me back to sleep
my even breathing sets you at ease.
A moment for lovers.

And here is where I stop and you begin.
This timeless loop forever we are in
hold on--tighter--we must be united.

Let it all fall down
have the smoke rise
when all is quiet

when fire has gone
burned out in fury

against civilization
the ashes stand only

clinging to the skeletal
structure of a defeated

era.

Why don't you stay
awhile
with me.
Your company excites me.
That voice of yours sends
sonic wisps
through air,
and time, like gamma rays
you penetrate me.
Piercing my heart your love
spreads
like a cancer mutating my cells,
my thoughts
are invaded, your prodding relentless.
So I ask you...
Why don't you stay
awhile,
with me.

I'm sure I can't explain it
almost unintelligible, when
steps echo--I hear them constant
your laughter--infant green caressed
by spring.
Scents from your skin--I--
become unreliably--intoxicated--
This delicious shiver--shutter--spasmodic movement
like hot metal dripping--heavy and demanding
making clear its presence--but--
not so much enveloping--not the slightest
overpowering--but--
none the less empowering--and--
still rather lightly--kissing?
Dripping as they do
relentlessly like Japanese torture
drops of liquid fire scorch--fall
ing  incessantly--!--
like rain on hot pavement--you--
your eyes burn into this fevered skin.
I truly can't explain this!

And all the sounds of the earth rang in my ears
from that explosion of sound
my mind opened to your subconscious.
Within you I swam far and wide
burrowed deep into your universe
and slept soundly for the first time in
years.
From those brief moments that spanned an entire
Era
I felt that only peace within me.

And even if you win what then?
Will the clouds part
and rain down paradise.
Will you kick me down and make me beg?
Make me BEG!
**** me if you MUST
DO SO!
Just that I may die and know not
the intolerable filth you sing.
You poisoned my ears.
ENOUGH!

Let these tears fall
and drop
sending ripples vibrating
outward on the surface of
soft skin.
Feel my tongue against
that hollow
of your collar
a small pool
soon forms and my tenderness gathers.
I lap at that resivour
when you hold me close
to regain lost compassion
that the world has so brutally taken.

what exactly is this that I'm feeling
a dull ache in my chest
piling slowly
compacting  tightly.
It hurts
and yet at times I forget
the ache masks itself as something else.
My collar bones feel brittle
as if with a simple whisper
they will crumble like crushed biscuits
in the palm of your hands.
I need healing
healing only you can offer
or else I fear nothing will stop me
from leaving
floating
following the current like a string on a balloon

Relentlessly upon the waxy leaves
of summer time Mongolia trees
white blossoms fell
carried from a soft wind
to the grass fragrance laden
still from your last whisper.
The rain beats down on the velvet petals
soft as a down comforter
sensual as your own hands
setting my skin ablaze.

Jackals cackle
beating paws sound like drums
against an earth cracked from famine.
They pant dry
clouds of dust are heaved
the grained dirt grind between ravenous teeth.

Infants crying
dying.
Mothers hearts are breaking
hurting, aching.
Their lips-like earth-are cracked
thier yearning
wanting water cool for the taking.

Mothers foster bitterness
A father's pride is broken
laying, falling
between those dry cracks
falling
falling
down to magma burning.
Vapors rise, the heat is burning
earth and evermore the jackals

are cackling.

When I left you standing by that
still lake
I fully expected your image
to remain reflected,unmoving in the waters
surface.
Instead I made my journey back
and you were nowhere to be seen.
I stood for hours beckoning
but nothing cared for my inquiry.
When night then fell
the stars shone bright
and thus I realized
that in those stars
I saw your eyes.

A cold chilling wind blows
          it seeps
             deep
deep into my bones.

A ripple of numbness
       takes hold.
My knees bu
ckle.
GRAVITY takes-----------hold.

This chilling wind blows
that
         vanquishes souls.
Spreads      like       poison.
Latching (on) not letting go.

Where have your fires gone?
In what place are they stored
numbness is
                           unbearable.