Now that I have you
I find I can't stand you
I wish you'd just go away
for my eyes go a flutter
when he walks on over
pulling me along the way.

I rose from this earth
Levitating above my sick
I looked down at those crying eyes
My slack mouth no longer breathing out
And left those people far behind
Memories of love fading fast.
I wisped like smoke through rooftops

******.

I think it’s time for another ****.
Soon though,
soon I would confront him,
and he would not fare as well as my first.

Though indeed he would be different from the others,
someone new,
or maybe like my first in his own way.

I’m feeling reminiscent.
I’m feeling lonely for fear.

Where a tear would have welled
and fallen
I felt an emptiness.

My love.
My first and only love was in that girl.

Each death afterwards was never the same.

When I only wanted love
You gave to me a sickness from which
I have yet to recover.

Who should I turn to
at a time when the world has lost its definition

Trying to find meaning is as fleeting
as painting on a wetted canvas

the colours bleed
STAY IN YOUR PLACE!
-is what I want to yell-

What I need now is order
and control

That Fall we call the other fall
I read those lines repeatedly
That Fall we call the other fall
I pondered

Again I read
laced with sorrow
tasting bitterness

I rolled that line
I condesnsed them close between my palms
ThatFallwecalltheotherfall

I laid my imagination above what I had made new
letting it fall and bounce like a spring
I had pulled them to tightly together

What did it mean
what did I take from it  
ThatFallwecalltheother...fall

We brushed the soil from our cloths
laced our laces
tied our knots
and hair back in one.

We exited that place with empty souls
and hearts filled with sorrow.

The almighty sounds  rang in our ears
while we slept we dreamed dreams
of our experience.

Some of us kept our eyes open
till they shriveled and fell from their
places. While others laid down their heads
and slept forever.

Others yet kept on,
walking like ghosts through this world
waiting for any comfort
or abrupt oblivion.

The blood began to flow.

I watched the liquid flow almost black and viscous.
I was in a place beyond myself,
far removed from my shattered psyche
that refused to recognize your twisted limbs,
the waste pooling around us from your bowel.

Your stench overcame the powerful scent of cloves
that had spilled from your bag.

As I teetered on the edge of darkness
I wondered if I could regain myself
before the comfort of madness.

You were so heavy against me...
so dead.

My fingers gripped flesh,
my palms leaked sweat between the silky folds of your inner
elbow.

How could it come to this?

Then the pressure came.
My chest filled and heaved,
my eyes grew hot,
all my ears could hear
was the life blood that had left you pumping incessantly,
intolerably in my temples.

She stayed motionless
with only one rhythmic breath sounding music through the night.

I pressed the corpse closer to my breast.

Woman: You're no longer here with me.

But you are.

She pressed her ear to those dead lips
cold and unfeeling.

Just under the surface of memory
there was the familiarity of kisses once delivered
by your fleeted consciousness.

I’m going to try now
Try and explain the sensation
Of a muttered word caught barely
Of the motion of wind felt lightly
As you brush past me almost daily.
I’ll try and compound on the feeling,
When we’re within miniscule distance
When my heart starts to beat with a quickness
That I fear you can see its imprint.
Will you understand my stuttering rambles?
As my tongue sticks like a bag in a thicket
Like a bird flutters panicked against a current
Or a rabbit running scared from its assailant.
I’ll try and put it now quite bluntly
For I see you misunderstand so subtly
That I find you entrancing, engulfing
And I’m sad that I found you too late.

I had a thought
a burst of inspiration
it whorled about my head
singed the skin of my ears
burned away the fringes of hair
---let loose about my face---
like ash flicked from the tip of a cigarette.

This thought multiplied
as many do, but even more this grew
taking up empty space, filling the heavens in my eyes
consuming me with a fire unfelt before, unknown to be felt--before.

Like pure energy it fumbled
crackling about the dry air.
Twisting, contorting--grotesquely beautiful--it tantalized me
ripping me with ethereal bare hands--until, my soul lay beating out
a glow in response to this epiphany, in a hand that was not a traditional hand.

This body moved
possessed of an inner passion
as these eyes watched detached as
my essence, received the violent creation in motion.
I feared it would burst and spill, letting go past memories
and that thing that will not come again, that nutrient that comes only once.

This body shook
the limbs quivered and tightened
in anticipation of a full soul ready to be received.
And when that hand, which was yet not a hand inserted
pressed, squashed, stuffed me back into myself my body felt light
despite--this immense entity housed within my flesh of skin, blood and bone.

When all had become quiet outside
I heard the music still, the monstrous song
that enveloped my ears fully, captured my eyes inwardly
until I fell backwards in a rapture locked in a battle I wished to lose.

This music slowly died
and with it my tremors stilled
until all that was left behind was but
the tiny ****** of a thousand angelic bells
hanging from the Bell-Trees of paradise's seventh node.

The wailing winds
whip about
lashing at the wheat
bending-cowering down.
Against the night
the stars shine-
holes in the floor of heaven.

From the time when the sun peaked behind the clouds
Or when my heart took its first beat,
When the root broke through its hard enclosure
To sprout from its nest,
I always knew I loved you
You always knew I cared.
Our hearts never strayed
You and I are one in the same.

When the last star flickers out
Blown into nothing by God’s own lips
And the last tree is stripped, its roots ripped from the ground
You and I shall still be one; our love has not yet frayed.
When the last leaf blows across the ground until it turns to dust,
My love for you shall be as strong, before beginning had a name.

A star exploded before me
its dying life seeped tendrils
out
so far
it reached my earthly eyes.
The heat from its extinction
burned me
like a melting candle I seeped
between
the floorboards
dripping hardened
wax onto your face.
staining both wood
and carpet below.

You look at me
with those eyes
imploring
your soul
seeking
answers that experience can only answer.

Your hands search me
your hair hangs low, curling
and inviting. These times are
simple.
I love them, sinking
gluttonously too deep
to a place we both enjoy.

But then...

we come again
to your greedy eyes
probing deep within my
tender soul
wanting answers
to questions
no girl my age should know.

Once I thought I'd seen a butterfly
I watched its wings

touch and gape
touch and gape
touch and
fall

like a dying star
I witnessed its fall
swallowed by an ocean
coloured by the receding sun.

As if the time were slow like molasses easing slowly from its cage
And patience still was weighted by love and loss and experiences made.
As if love were something frequently found
And kept
In step with intentions,
Then time with you would be so very easy,
And love would be something no longer spurned.

When I left you standing by that
still lake
I fully expected your image
to remain reflected,unmoving in the waters
surface.
Instead I made my journey back
and you were nowhere to be seen.
I stood for hours beckoning
but nothing cared for my inquiry.
When night then fell
the stars shone bright
and thus I realized
that in those stars
I saw your eyes.