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My My My….
My mother is irrational
My father is a legend
My sister is an angel
My brother is a philosopher
But what is to become of me?

I stand here steady and calm
Everyday you’re systematic
The unconscious strides your mind makes in a moment
No one can target where they originate
You just know that when they appear
Let it marinate within you, seep into your skin

It’s hungry now
The monster lives and feeds
Nothing less will suffice..
Than the utter idea of moving on to something new
Once it’s fed, you wait with anticipation
Until the hunger consumes you once more
Dec 2011 · 632
Penny for your Thoughts
Every moment
a lifetime away
sweet melody
wont you take me today

The thought of many, sticks to me
inline with the storms sway
Epiphany!
I see through the devils eye

The moonlights glaze rocks me to sleep
I dare to doze off
In hopes that dreaming can give me an explanation
Provided there is a shield for those who need

Where is this shield so true of worth?
A shield so clear it shines like a penny
Worth a penny
And just a useless wherever you take it

Look close to see the cracks
It crumbles and erodes just like any
Any in fact
But this one accused to be false

“Trade it in!” you say
As if it’s a negotiation
Bargain with me
How much for a new direction?

It’s been so long since I felt safe
Could be a nice change
Something to catch the rocks being thrown
Daggers in the back twist nicely with age

Reminds me that the pain is real
Stiff and stubborn
You see the truth
The pity I have for those who don’t see

Deep and murky is the pain, you are wounded now and have been for a while
Forbidden Juice or  Powerful Pill?
Something easy and quick to numb my brain
I can’t see past the shadows, nor light in the distance
I see it all the time….
It divides, spreads, then multiplies in my brain
gets trapped, almost smushed in between each and every crevice
It’s times like these…
That my nerves can get the best of me

This should be fun.
I tell myself in a condescending tone
As if I don’t know what’s about to happen
But I’ve seen it,
too many times to count

Forced to watch it
I re-live it everyday
Not the same scenario
of course each sequence that appears
is more and more realistic than before

This time…. I’m waiting for the train
Alone, my body sitting calmly on the metal bench
All there is for sound is water streaming through the pipes
In the lower levels of the city
The dark caves and heavy ledges can treat you differently

Thoughts of the night before run through my mind
I smirk, thinking of how the stupidest things make the best stories
I close my eyes trying to get an ounce of rest
Then I feel it
An item jabbed in the back of my neck
I sit still, trying to fight the fact that this could be the last time my eyes our open

I see it so clearly; it plays so vivid in my mind
If I were to die right here, right now
Could I say I lived a fulfilling life?
Would I be happy with what others remember me as?
I hope to feel as though I would

In a sick way this play, screws its way into my mind
Unable to stop it when it starts
It just appears, the only way to handle it is to watch
Watch and wait to see which scene will be the setting for my death
At least I’d know a few words the paper would read

The picture paints the same every time
I’d like to flick the switch that controls this heavy doom
Turn it off! I don’t wish to take this treacherous ride anymore
I always become a fixture in this working machine
Cue the same scenario once more

This time I’m standing on top of a building
Looking down from the roof
Tying to read everyone thoughts as they pass by
They see so blindly, the same repeated path but they never get to know the streets
They never see what’s actually in front of them

From the top you see all of the above
You wish you could take the scene and carry it with you home
But in that moment your mind can play
That ledge you leaned just needs one nudge, one push, one flick
And you begin to watch as it unfolds once more

This time I’m holding a gun at the shooting range
The power alone gives me anxiety
A tool that can **** in an instant and I have it in my hands
It’s amazing that you can practice shooting with no test or trust needed
Little did they know that a crazed person was walking through their door

I tried to breathe as normal as I could
walking in I knew immediately I wanted to walk right back out
This is where the true test would be held
As I took that gun my heart began again, I felt the panic attack coming
And then…..Bang

My first shot was fired.
Between the aftershock and my nerves I could barely stand afterward
I guess I passed this one, but what is to say of the next
Your mind can play some nasty games
The trick is to NEVER let it win.
Nov 2011 · 380
Perspective From: Above
Do you realize?
That the stars & sky
Are just pretend

They flash & flicker
Pass & Clash
But we never know why

In our eyes
They could be
Something that we make believe

To them they know
Of no boundary or route
Just fluttering clusters with nothing to do

They see us
And think we’re so silly
To friend & fuss in front of us
Nov 2011 · 1.2k
People As Props
Holes filled up
But we see through the crap
Pay what’s enough
And never look back

What are you staring at?
Don’t you know?
It’s me you’re looking at
I’m the show

Step inside and get your ticket
What am I selling for these days?
My dream, never got any credit
But who’s counting anyway.

One day you’ll get it
Each day will eat you alive
Think that progress feels like ****
Until there’s nothing inside

You move and shift
In so many ways
Just a piece thrown to fit
Being a prop is tough some days
Nov 2011 · 2.0k
A Game Lost
Pretending is such a lovely game.
To be a wizard casting spells.
A princess wishing to be saved from the top of an evil tower.

Pretending to listen..
Nodding your head in unison with words.
As if they need your nonverbal gesture to sleep at night.

Pretending to care..
Going through the motions without so much of tender hand on a shoulder.
Forcing a smile back at them as if we were dogs ready to attack.

Pretending.
Always Pretending!
The game has lost in our thoughts.

Wake up!
Liven your soul.
And stop pretending.
Oct 2011 · 790
Clockwork
You are crazy
Go back
chime your way out and back in
to my life.

I wish to turn
The hands you have
Back
To begin again

To start over again
Once more
To have another shot
Yet again

All the ticks
So in sync
Move so subtly
And fill the silence

The movement we know
But with no control
Shield, block, and ignore it
If you wish

This dance
Forever moving, changing
Each is…
a significant moment.

Each thoughtless circular way around
The windmill spun reluctant to cease.
If only to have power
To reprimand those hands

The work of man
Creating this beast
An idea
That now has a life of it’s own

The work in which
Will not be undone
For it lives now
In the core of our wishful thoughts

Controlling our steps
Demanding our presence
Expecting us to obey
Limiting us by the second

Always in thought
dancing away
It’ll never stop
Even though we wish it to

Imagine us
Without these hands that hold
the pulse of our existence.
Living would be redefined
Oct 2011 · 575
Consciousness
Speak
in a low tone.
so you can hear
Me.

I
love this song
the beat illuminates
Me.

You,
can’t miss this
remember…remind
Me.

Silence.
delay the response.
just keep talking to
Me

Great
stride, with an excellent disposition!
wave at the people with
Me

Rendezvous...
in an hour?
have a drink or two with
Me

Pretentious
they pretend to know everything.
see them, flaring nostrils at
Me?

Cease
to speak…
something so thoughtless to
Me.

Later
just say…
that was just crazy of
Me.

Talking
in your head?
automatically answering…
Me.
Oct 2011 · 485
THE FAST LANE
Fearful of the future
Time warp to 20 years later
What is to show of this departure?
Blinded by what is to come
Folded into a blanket
My true skin revealed
No friends, only a screen to cry to
When they tell you of the journey
They leave out the part of it being lonely
With nothing but your toes missing the feeling
To make you want to move
Anxiety about stepping outside in the wide eyed new age
Wanting every bit of it to end
Punch what knowledge they know straight through their face
Only to see that the knowledge you know really isn’t worth anything
To know what was said and drown out the headache
Tough in a sense

Come take a drive
Open seat available for you
Grin and bear the turns
Boulevards and railroads never looked so good
Once passed
Hug the corner
Race the light
Beat the reflection
Look in no direction
Cut through the lines
They define nothing
Only within the finer things

You see


Things flash by




Gone before you know it
Oct 2011 · 411
Social Suicide
Hiding in a puzzle
Looking through a maze
Shut your eyes tight
Wear a grin to fight
The willing will redeem
Cast in the screen
When all you seek is to forget
Knowledge unknowing seems hard to regret
Backtrack to the words that soothe
Only few were never rude
Take the shot
Cut the ****
Wake up and believe
This isn’t a dream
Jealousy becomes poison
The strings loosen
A tight whip
Shallow dip
In a world where what you do matters
Realize that no one gives a ****
Oct 2011 · 1.2k
The Best of Both Worlds
Lust leads to luxury,
Greed gets what you need.
Heaven doesn’t wait,
Your turn might come.

Despair will never wear.
Depression can cut.
Wrath can set rage.
Pride will inevitably perish.

Sloth is safe,
That we all agree.
Talent without a lead,
Feet without the heel.

Work a little less,
Spend a little more.
What could be holding you back?
Provoke what's coming through the door.

See those gates?
So warm with pearls,
That I’d truly like to see.
In the Best of Both Worlds.
Oct 2011 · 607
Run The Course
The thought seems so simple
See the sights
Reach for the stars
Run the course
And you’ll go far

In the land of opportunity
With freedom of speech
Do you tell the truth?
Or read them a fairytale?
Just stay the route.

Looking around
Everyone is at fault
Lies beneath the surface
Will soon come up
Time flagged down in a race

Unity is the only way to be free
To find comfort in all the evil
With peace comes happiness
When normal is gone
The route seems useless

In the world of chaos
Nothing seems normal
Disappointment around the corner
Befriend a neighbor, but see no evil
Receive no penalty

Everyone out for themselves
But who looks out for you
With a path so coarse and twisted
Don’t walk, run to freedom
Death is just a figure of speech
Oct 2011 · 700
Confidence Is Key
No one has it figured out
I know this without a doubt

Not the guard patrolling
Nor the teacher strolling

Not the scientist in theory
Nor the taxi driver steering

It may seem as though they have a hard heart
That doesn’t get twisted or burned by any noble part

It may seem as though they have a metal fist
That knocks and pounds to no exist

It may seem as though they have firm lips
That doesn’t tremble or bite along with any tiff

It may seem as though they have planted feet
That doesn’t trip or skip to get to their seat

It may seem as though their have a clear head
That doesn’t hurt or confuse with anything said

But don’t be mistaken by things that appear to be
What seems strong and solid is really weak just like you and me.

— The End —