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Kimberly Aug 2013
You fumble with the cigarette
It is carelessly balanced between your index and *******
Like how you see in the movies
You hesitantly tapped it on the corner of the ashtray

You forced a confident smile
Coughed uncontrollably
Claimed it was a flu
But knew it was not

You poured too much ***** into your glass
And you gulped it bottoms up
You suppressed a look of disgust
And said it was good

You asked for another glass
Even though you were tipsy
And could not stand still

The white smoke
and false strawberry scent filled the room
You saw the bubbles
and the burning charcoal
We were blowing rings
and imitating dragons
You asked for a go
We couldn't say no
You swallowed the gas whole
You choked
you gagged
But said it felt good
And tasted strawberries

You couldn't wait for your turn again
Even though you couldn't breathe
without clearing your throat

You weren't enjoying yourself
But I guess everyone already knew

But beneath the bloodshot eyes
Frequent retching
Croaking throat
I saw a boy
that just wanted to belong

Kimberly Aug 2013
I wasn't sad
I wasn't angry
I wasn't disappointed
I couldn't feel a thing
n o t h i n g
but that had hurt the most

Nothing could consume me
more than any other emotion I had ever felt
Nothing could occupy me
more than any other emotion I had ever felt
Nothing could pain me
more than any other emotion I had ever felt

I could only feel nothing
And then I wondered
if there was anything left inside me

Kimberly Aug 2013
Depression was not always
Depression was always
silenced cries
tear stains

Pain was not always
hunger pangs
Pain was always
a ****** razor blade
a visit from the bigger kids
feeling fat

Tragedy was  not always
But rather
waking up every morning not knowing

Kimberly Aug 2013
Everyone was somewhere else after 3AM
and the world seemed to fall into a fascinating silence

I was alone with my mind
There was nothing and no one that could interrupt the journey of my thoughts
I could feel the thin, gentle breeze flutter playfully along the back of my neck
The sounds of creaking floorboards and rustling leaves dominated

My mind was clearer after 3AM
Although I was drunk with fatigue
My mind and thoughts were intact

I could feel and hear the universe working at 3AM
Even though I could not see it at all
It had made me realize how beautiful the world truly was
after 3AM

But its raw resplendence was only evident
beneath the bustle of the crowds
and the panic in the streets
And that was only after 3AM

Kimberly Aug 2013
It's 11.51pm
and I'm wondering if you were sound asleep
I dismissed the sweet thought of you and rolled over

It's 1.23am
and I'm wondering if you had reached slumber land peacefully
I suppressed the enticing thought of you and buried my face in the pillow

It's 4.57am
and I'm wondering about how effulgent you would look when you were asleep
I had been overrun by divine thoughts of you
and I could no longer sweep it aside
But it was also because I welcomed with open arms the thoughts I had about you.

Kimberly Aug 2013
I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach
Neither did I feel my heart skip a beat
Nor did my mind go to a complete blank.

But I was in love with you
And it was different
The feelings you evoked in me were different
And we were different,
What we had was different
And I was in love with you.

We weren't travelling the streets of Paris
like lovers do.
Neither were we kissing in the rain
like lovers do.
Nor were we dying in each other's arms
like lovers do.
We were different.

We were holding hands and counting heartbeats,
Searching for souls in each others eyes,
Tracing skins
And allowing every intoxicating feature of one another
to sink deep within the parallels of our hearts.

You were not the clichés
And how vigorous it was for me to find the words that could summon a fraction of the way I felt
when your fingers entangled with mine for the very first time.
For nothing could have been more beautiful,
nor as precious.

There were no butterflies in my stomach
But there were more than butterflies in my stomach,
My stomach had been devoured whole
And every nerve in my body had went violent.

My heart didn't skip a beat
But my heart had done more than skip a beat,
It had caused an eruption of fireworks in the core of my body,
sending waves of tingles through the course of my veins.

My mind didn't go to a complete blank
But it had done more than go to a complete blank,
It had brought the oasis of the entire universe to a complete halt.
And right there,
Right then
Everything was perfect
When you had your fingers twisted in my hair
And my ear pressed gently against your chest.

I could hear it beat,
Your heart.
And it was the beats to your heart that made mine different.

Kimberly Aug 2013
He was the sun
From the way he shone a humble ray of elegance
upon the darkest shadows within the depths of my heart
To the way he made my entire sphere revolve around him
as though it was a perfect symphony
He was the sole axis of my universe.

How beautiful that was,
And how beautiful he was.
He was beautiful, in name and in essence.

I often caught myself pondering with great distress
the meaning of his existence;
Of how one person could be so resplendent and delicate
But so destructive at the same time.

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