i've come to realize
the sentiment in your real eyes
is worthless when your mouth spits nothing but real lies

i had a dream last night
that you came home, and you stayed
that's how i knew i was dreaming, you see

while you absorb the following,
know these words are not designed to hurt you
and they are not formulated to lead to affliction

i've written you this as a final plea
please, my dear,
don't come back home

for my paper heart has been scrunched and torn
for far too long
don't come back home

while the rock in your chest continues to beat strong and whole,
i'm not sure how much more my paper heart can take
until it turns into a pathetic pile
of loveless confetti

what if i told you
i had it all figured out?
we could get it working, m'dear

you tell me you'll find someone better,
someone who understands you more than i ever did
but what if i told you
i had it all figured out?

maybe you can tell i haven't slept in days
with every line and shadow mapped out on my face
ah, you know i've never slept well anyway

but if i think too hard
about the times you would lay with your head in my lap
as i cartographed the tangles in your hair

and if i think too hard
about the loose threads feathering off the sleeve of your sweater
and the way they tickled my cheek--
oh, god.

so what if i told you
i had it all figured out?
when maybe, m'dear
i just like how that sounds

you met me at a pivotal moment in my life
the moment i found that i was nothing, where i began to question
who we are, why we’re here, what gives things caliber

i am not worthy of worth.
you understood that.

you relished in my vulnerability
you brought sanctum
but what happens to all good things?

we met in secret.
i lurked in the dark as you lurked in me
i remember the heat, warmth that made us melt
the flame that got you simmering
fingertips studded and etched with broken glass and fresh pink scars
scars, you told me, that created beautiful contrast
with the faded white marks of our past escapades
i worried they were evidence.
you were moved, and called it art.

looking past the cold sweats and the sleepless nights,
forgetting about the dodgy lies and the empty alibis,
in complete disregard of the hazy evenings and the misplaced memories,
and giving no sympathy for the ache and guilt of yet another ‘one last time’,
i use you up, you wear me down.
and as an entity unworthy of worth,
i learned to understand that.