This darkness I must leave behind and find the light
But i am frighten to not know what i might find
I try so hard not up get upset and to find this new life

Looking into the future to find a life that I recognize
Being empty in the past does not tell me what tomorrow brings
As I only cry for yesterday and tomorrow i will learn to survey

I once had a job,
only to assure myself, that i cannot work...

I once saw a motivational speaker,
only to assure myself, a have no motivation...
  
I once saw a inspirational speaker,
only to assure myself, a have no inspiration...

I once went to confession,
only to assure myself, that I do not know God...

I once dated a girl,
only to assure myself, that love is confusing...

I once had a dog,
only to assure myself, that I cannot take care of anyone...

I once hung out in a crowd,
only to assure myself, that I do not like people

I once had a friend,
only to assure myself, that I need help

I once saw a psychiatrist,
who assured me, that i was crazy....

Heaven reaches upon me, wanting to lift my life of heavy burdens
A life of victimless crimes, that are hidden behind my curtains
Curtains closed so tightly, that God is the only one able to see

I only punish myself, through the action of self created hurt
Hurt that I cannot hide, which keeps me trapped within myself
Contemplating my life to break through this barrier, leads to confusion

Trying understand, if I brought this upon myself, why can't I change it
When I come to my own reasoning my thoughts then become delusional
I try to turn to God only to get angry at him, to ask why do you punish me

Afraid of my own thoughts, afraid of life, and afraid of death
I only find myself caught in a vicious circle of destruction